Author Topic: Feeling lost and confused with life  (Read 1685 times)

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Offline Nikki

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Feeling lost and confused with life
« on: December 19, 2018, 08:42:28 PM »
Hi everyone,

This is my first time on a forum like this, so I am a little unsure what to write, but here goes.

Within the last 12 months I have lost 3 members of my family, on my mums side. First was my aunt in August 2017, who suffered from lung cancer, closely followed by her brother, my uncle, in September 2017. He died of cancer in the muscles, tissues and major organs in his body. And then was my mum. The biggest blow of all. She was diagnosed with Oesophageal cancer at the beginning of March this year and by the middle of June she was gone. I have biggest hole in my heart that I just cannot seem to fill up. I feel desperately lonely despite having some close relatives who are also going through this loss.

As if that wasn't enough, in the last 2 months I have suffered a relationship breakdown (after 15 years being together), and then 2 days ago I was told my uncle (on my dads side) has been newly diagnosed with bowel cancer.

It feels as though my life has just changed overnight and I am struggling to put one foot in front of the other at the moment. I am so lost. I guess I am just looking to hear from others who are or have been in a similar situation, as not everyone truly understands just how much this all hurts.

  :cry:

Offline Limefime

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Re: Feeling lost and confused with life
« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2019, 09:19:49 PM »
It is my first time on a forum like this too. I find it quite hard find the right words to say... It is always difficult for me to express deep emotions related to bereavement, my own and other people's.

I just wanted to reach out to you and say that I can relate to your feelings of loss and confusion. Nothing makes sense when life throws one a row of sucker punches. Do you mind if I don't try to find clever words but just "sit quietly with you"? If you want to talk/chat, that is fine too.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Feeling lost and confused with life
« Reply #2 on: January 06, 2019, 09:42:01 AM »
It can feel strange to start on a forum, I know I found it odd - writing how I felt and not knowing what to expect but it became easier as I started to connect with people.  Everyone here has lost loved ones and understand the rollercoaster of grief

It was little things that helped often, like someone else understanding what it felt like to go through the phases of not sleeping - knowing I wasn't the only one sitting awake for hours at 2am. Having somewhere I could share honestly how I felt, whereas in daily life too often wearing a mask of being strong. And when I was going through stages where I just felt so confused by it all, having others tell me how they had gone through that helped me make more sense of it and cope with it

It's a slow journey - but it gradually gets easier over time. Hold on in there, those of us further along on the journey can hold out a hand to help those joining the rollercoaster  :hearts: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Nikki

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Re: Feeling lost and confused with life
« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2019, 11:12:52 PM »
Thank you for your replies, its helpful to know that there are others who have been or are going through similar experiences.

People tend to say that things get better with time, but to be really honest I am finding them getting harder not easier. The loneliness is so overwhelming at times, it is made harder because all I want to do when I feel that way is be alone. But that also is unhealthy I know.

I do have many people around me who want to help, to be there and often ask, what can I do? And that is the million dollar question. If only I knew the answer to it. I have found that posting on here is a release of some form. To be able to put down my thoughts and not be judged or reasoneed with. I dont always want somone to have an answer, to just be heard is what we all need I think, even if we dont realise it at the time.

There just doesnt seem to be much purpose to anything at the moment, its like im living in groundhog day. I wake up and the pain is there, so raw, like it has just happened. And when I lay down at night the same feeling is there. The emptyness, the hole that just doesnt seem to be filled. I try to stay busy but its like something is always missing. How do you just carry on with life as it was before? How do you deal with those feelings? What do you do with the things you used to share with that one person who is no longer there?

So many questions that I can never find the answer to....

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Feeling lost and confused with life
« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2019, 08:52:00 AM »
Time is a tricky one, the phrase 'time will help' doesn't bring comfort.  But as I look back over my journey, time has made the difference.  It will be 6 years for me this year, for my most recent loss. It has been a rollercoaster, many times has felt like 1 step forward, 2 steps back, but it has gotten easier to cope in time. We dont get over our losses, we learn to cope and rebuild our lives

I get nervous sometimes stating that grief is a long and slow process, right at the beginning in the raw pain it is terrifying to think this is a long slow journey, but very subtly changes happen.  Often we don't notice, but the depth of pain does gradually change.  If you keep a daily diary (paper, or some have chosen to post daily here like a diary thread), going back to earlier entries we realise how far we've come and gives us hope it will continue to improve

 :hearts: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx