Author Topic: I lost my mum four months ago  (Read 1337 times)

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Offline mummys_girl

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I lost my mum four months ago
« on: May 16, 2018, 12:56:36 AM »
Hi.

I'm well into adulthood. I have a partner and two children of my own. Despite this, my mother's sudden passing hit me like a train and I feel I can only observe the wreckage in a daze still. I found this forum after searching for "when does the grief get better", because I am desperate for it to.

My mother had a stroke two years ago, only a few months into early retirement. It was a major one, causing paralysis in half her body. She maintained the ability to speak and much of her cognition, though she did not return to normal entirely. She fought her way back onto her feet, she fought to walk again, to eat unaided, to be able to use the restroom by herself. My mum was always my heroine, but she certainly cemented the position in those two years.

Then there was a sudden set-back. Albeit chronic pain being common after a stroke and with such limited movement, she could no longer stand or walk for the agony she felt. She was back to sleeping several times a day. We could not touch her anymore because of the pain it caused her. Something was amiss. The doctors claimed it was "overuse" of her arms and shoulders due to the crutches, but they were wrong. After months of this excrusiating suffering, she was admitted into hospital after losing consciousness. A few days later they found the cancer. Small cell lung cancer, which had spread to her bones. She was weeks from death, they said, and for once they got it spot on. Three weeks and then she drew her last laboured breath.

It has only just begun to sink in.

I hope this forum can help me feel less alone.

 :candle:

Offline Emz2014

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Re: I lost my mum four months ago
« Reply #1 on: May 16, 2018, 04:04:24 PM »
Sending you a welcome hug  :hug:
Four months feels like a life time but is not long on the grief rollercoaster. You won't be alone here on your journey xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: I lost my mum four months ago
« Reply #2 on: May 17, 2018, 11:12:27 AM »
 :hug:
No matter how old you are losing your mum is devastating,the foundations of your whole life seem to slip from under you,because no matter what your mum was always there for you, and when she has gone its actually frightening. As Emz says four months seems like a long time but it really isnt.11 years after mine died i suddenly found myself in a heap because of a xmas song on the radio,so it never entirely goes away, but thats not to say that the pain of the early days doesnt subside -it does.

When does grief get better ? daily but we dont always know it - nothing is ever as bad as the day we lose them, but it feels like it is, and because it isnt a steady progression its a roller coaster journey which differs from person to person, sometimes you think you might have got off the ride only to find yourself back n it again but as time passes the dips get less steep, and acute pain lessens into something more bearable.

Because even though the foundations have slipped they havnt gone, you will look too her strength and her character as your own children grow up, and so she will live on in you, because as a mum myself we spend our lives loving our children and we want to hold them close and protect them, but also perhaps subconsciousley we spend time setting them up for adulthood and for when we are no longer here,its something instinctive - even primative inbuilt reaction too ensure their survival and what we learn from our mothers we pass on too our children.

It takes time but we will be here for you, keep writing, keep talking, doing that helped me a lot when i first found this site.

Offline EJ2007

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Re: I lost my mum four months ago
« Reply #3 on: June 29, 2018, 07:05:17 AM »
Hi
I lost my mum on the 5th of June to leukaemia, i totally feel your pain, she was admitted to a and e with chest pains and was admitted then diagnosed a day later due to abnormal blood results. We weee told she would be cured however she suffered multiple strokes and brain bleeds and dies two weeks later. We all cared for her in hospital with the hope she would still be cured when she died it hit me like a train and only seems like yesterday. I also have  a husband and two children amd they have been great but life is moving on faster than I am the funeral is now done but I feel no different we were told she was only ill four  weeks at most, how can this be? I ask I came on this forum with the hope of finding some comfort I hope you find yours, take care xxxx