Author Topic: Delayed Grief?  (Read 3236 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Blue20

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 5
  • Karma: +0/-0
  • Gender: Male
Delayed Grief?
« on: November 15, 2017, 11:08:03 PM »
Hi,

I'm new to this site, I just felt that I needed to speak about my experience. I'm 20 years old and male, when I was 8 years old, I lost my Dad to a sudden illness. At the time of course I was very upset but for some reason I quickly got myself back to normality and I'm ashamed to say I almost in a way blocked it all out or consciously decided to just forget it, even though my Dad had always been my inspiration and the light of my childhood life.

So my brilliant Mom was and has always been there since, however now 12 years later I've suddenly found myself feeling so distressed and distraught out of nowhere over the loss of my Dad. I have this sadness of everything I've missed out on and I sometimes feel I missed out massively from having no male role model in my life and it makes me feel so lost. I feel ashamed and upset when I feel this jealousy whenever my friends or anyone talk about their Dads and their lives just sound so complete and it's everything I want. It just feels so desperate sometimes, it's like a delayed grief as if my mind has bottled it all up subconsciously over the years and it's just all coming out now.

I'm so sorry about the length of this post, I just thought that maybe there might be others out here who have a similar experience? But thank you if you've read this far.

Offline Emz2014

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1904
  • Karma: +130/-0
Re: Delayed Grief?
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2017, 08:07:18 AM »
Sending a welcome hug  :hug:
We're not trained counsellors here but everyone has the experience of losing loved ones. So someone may have a very similar experience to you
I do think delayed grief is possible.  Especially if you never had the chance to talk over how it felt and thoughts/emotions. And processing grief as a child is bound to be different, as children don't know the full impact (some future events they won't have considered etc)
It may help you to talk through your feelings and memories. I found it helped me to come here and be able to talk through my thoughts and feelings.  Hope it helps you too.   :hearts:
May be worth having a chat with your GP to explore possible counselling too? Xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2132
  • Karma: +145/-0
Re: Delayed Grief?
« Reply #2 on: November 16, 2017, 11:24:12 PM »
I have seen others here in the past in exactly this situation,as Emz said when you are a child you don't yet understand what is missed. you miss them of course but you tend to think more day to day at a younger age..As a young adult when you start to think about the future,educational achievements,careers,marriage,kids or whatever those choices are for you,then you start to think much more how sad it is for you and your dad that he didn't see these things or won't see them in the future,and naturally have some jealousy of friends who do have that.
I think bereavement counselling might help as this is impacting your life now,then now is when it is likely to be most use,and as Emz says writing here too,as when you are writing in a way to explain your feelings too others helps explain them too yourself.

Offline Blue20

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 5
  • Karma: +0/-0
  • Gender: Male
Re: Delayed Grief?
« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2017, 11:01:18 PM »
Thank you both for your replies! Sometimes it just gets a bit too much especially, like you say, when I start thinking oh he would have loved this or I wish he could see this, but yes I'm really so grateful for your kind words!

But also if anyone else has a similar experience to me, losing a parent as a child, it would be nice to have a conversation here I think? :)

Offline Maria66

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 24
  • Karma: +0/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Delayed Grief?
« Reply #4 on: November 22, 2017, 05:38:24 AM »
I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal to be honest. My friend feels this way, but her father didnt die, he left her as a younger child and her mother and never seeks contact, in actual fact she doesnt even know where he lives. She often wonders what her life would have been like if she had her father.

I think you may benefit from councelling to be honest. I know she has.   Its needing to talk it through with someone.   I actually think its kind of healthy for you to think that way. I lost my father 20 years ago and i still think about him everyday, and miss him like you i see something and i think oh i wonder what dad would have said about that, or something happens to me and i want to talk to him, ask his advise he was my buddy my best friend and i feel lost without him. 

what you are going through is grief I am sure of that, and i think maybe its time for you to have some grief councelling which will help you.  You dont have to go through it on your own.   I really think it must be so hard for a young person to loose a parent.

sorry not sure i made much sense.   But also have you spoke to your mother about your father too, i think if not you should as she can fill in some of the blanks for you.  xxx