Author Topic: Brave little wife...not!  (Read 1422 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline DereksMissus

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 10
  • Karma: +2/-0
Brave little wife...not!
« on: June 10, 2018, 11:44:00 PM »
I lost my beloved husband suddenly 4 weeks ago, he was the love of my life and we had such plans for a golden future when he retired in 10 years, he was younger than me at 57 and I miss him so much. I seem to have been cast in the brave little wife part by all around me because I've powered on with the paperwork (I'm losing my house) but really that was just a distraction before the funeral, I'm really falling apart. I'm here because I can't burden my kids or friends for too much longer and then maybe I can help people in turn when I move through this...

Offline Emz2014

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1904
  • Karma: +130/-0
Re: Brave little wife...not!
« Reply #1 on: June 11, 2018, 08:21:37 AM »
I remember the paperwork being a distraction - somehow powering through it. I think sometimes the funeral planning is designed that way too, to force us to function

It's a challenging time after the funeral, alot of people drift away, back to their lives that consumes their focus, some mistakenly think all is ok after the funeral, and some who have never had loss and don't quite understand

Bereavement is a slow journey but a rollercoaster.  Everyone here is at different stages of the rollercoaster, hope you find the forum supportive. It certainly helped me when I joined, just being able to type how I felt helped alot xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline DereksMissus

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 10
  • Karma: +2/-0
Re: Brave little wife...not!
« Reply #2 on: June 11, 2018, 10:48:44 AM »
Thank you so much xxx

Offline Karena

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2132
  • Karma: +145/-0
Re: Brave little wife...not!
« Reply #3 on: June 11, 2018, 11:58:10 AM »
  :hug:Really can only repeat what Emz said - Planning a funeral is not just a disraction it is though we are still doing something for them and often that can feel like its the last thing we can do for them - i dont think it is, because i came to understand that by living my life as though i was living it for him too meant i was continuing that, but in the early days thats very difficult to see.
 Like you i played the brave little wife for a long time. Quite often people say ring if you need/want anything -and we dont because we dont know what we want let alone how to ask -it doesnt mean they didnt mean it - but now they dont know what to do - does our silence mean we dont need them or we want to be left alone to grieve - in a sense by making an offer they were giving us a gift which we handed back - or didnt bother to open - but if you turn it on its head - if you were the one offering support to a friend or relation in the position you are in now  - would you see them as a burden - its not likely you would, and so its not likely they would see you as one either.

This is early days for you,and there is a difficult journey ahead,finding this site really was a lifeline for me  and i hope it will come to be the same for you, because the more of those we have the better.

Offline DereksMissus

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 10
  • Karma: +2/-0
Re: Brave little wife...not!
« Reply #4 on: June 11, 2018, 12:13:21 PM »
Thank you...knowing that you all understand perfectly is such a comfort xxx