Two steps forward, 10 steps back.

[dizzylizzy]

Oh my. I thought I was doing ok, I e been using xmas as a distraction which was fine... until everyone else started in about it too. This is agony. I just cry all the time. Everyone keeps saying to me I have to be cheery for my kids and I feel like punching them in the face! I'm trying. So so hard. But inside I feel like my heart and soul is being ripped apart!!! My husband has been deployed so I
 On my own again.  Yes xmas day will be fine but the rest of it, oh dear I just want to curl into a ball and cry and cry and cry and cry! Maybe venting how I'm feeling will help. It's so hard but this having to be strong for the kids and family is killing me! Yes, believe it or not I still miss my mum! Areegh. Is this anger I'm experiencing?! I thought I'd be angry at someone? I don't feel I've done this. Now I feel anger towards everything!

[pennyking]

I lost my husband on the 10th December 2010, funeral was 20th.  I've learnt that you don't have to be strong all the time, you have to show your grief to show your kids that it's ok to grieve.  Yes you carry on best you can, but everything is an effort and you do your best and that's all anyone can do.   Its good to be able to put things down in writing on here, as others have no idea.  Take care and sending hugs. Penny x

[Karena]

I agree it is OK to tell your kids you're feeling sad,because it gives them the opportunity to express their feelings too and also let's them know it isn't their fault so often children blame themselves if a parent is not happy,and they're very good at picking that up no matter how you try to hide it.Also you're teaching them a life lesson that it is OK to express grief,how many of us have struggled with that as adults because we follow expected rules of behaviour we saw our parents do.

[dizzylizzy]

I do this already but my son is only 3 and my daughter is only 1. My wee boy is amazing but he doesn't want to see me upset all the time. And I don't want them to only associate my mum with my sadness but I think your right, it's good to make them understand it's not them.  Oh it's so hard. They are only excited about santa, which does help on one hand. I'm all over the place xxx

[pennyking]

Big hugs to you and your family.   You will get through it.  You will wonder how but you will find the strength from somewhere.  Xxx

[Hubby]

Christmas is going to be tough but try not to overthink it. It's human nature to be confused as to what the right thing to do is but you will eventually do what is right for you and your family just take it slow and deal with things as they crop up.