Author Topic: loss of my wife  (Read 3217 times)

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Offline fishermanmike

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loss of my wife
« on: February 28, 2017, 10:23:30 PM »
not sure what im doing but lost my wife after 42 years how do others come to terms with the loss

Offline Norma

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Re: loss of my wife
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2017, 11:02:45 PM »
He Fishermanmike sending you a welcome hug xx

 :hug:

It is hard to come to terms with losing our soulmates after so long, but get through it we do, never been sure how i did to be honest, but do know that this group helped me enormously, so i hope we can support you through the worst times youve ever had to face xx
Its been a rough week but i made it. How about you 💐

Offline Hubby

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Re: loss of my wife
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2017, 11:12:47 PM »
Welcome to the forum fishermanmike. I am sorry to hear if your loss.

I lost my wife eleven and a half months ago. I don't think it's something I will ever come to terms with. I cope a lot better now than I did but even 'good' days are filled with a sense of loss. I suppose we can get used to anything given enough time and I am dlowly getting used to life without Margaret.  I don't like it but I accept that's what it is now.

Wishing you strength.  :hug:

Offline fishermanmike

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Re: loss of my wife
« Reply #3 on: March 01, 2017, 09:20:08 AM »
thank youboth for the reply it helps that you care.i cant stop crying and feel so lonly without krystyna
my wife it feels like my heart is gone. i now know what others like your kind selfs must feel like. all my best to you
 and thanks for caring

Offline Emz2014

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Re: loss of my wife
« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2017, 10:09:42 AM »
Sending a hug fishermanmike  :hug:
Its a rollercoaster journey, it may feel that we dont make progress but there will be small, sometimes undetectable steps forward in coping.  Be gentle with yourself xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline longedge

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Re: loss of my wife
« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2017, 09:47:09 PM »
Hi Mike, you asked about me. Yes I have two daughters and three grandsons. My eldest grandson and his partner are going to 'promote' me in June to great great parenthood as well  :smiley:.

I'm lucky also to have Chris' brother and sister very close by and my two brothers-in-law and I get on well together, the local pub is almost equidistant from each of our homes  :smiley:.

I've also got several couples who are very old friends (we all went to each others weddings around about 1968).

The important thing from my perspective is that nobody who comes here or who I visit has a moments hesitation talking about or mentioningh Chris right down to my youngest grandson who is 11. There's nothing worse than the 'Elephant in the room' situation.

It's really odd, I don't understand it myself, that even after 18 months I can hardly bear to look at photos and videos of Chris or listen to anything with her voice on - I just break up - but I feel really happy when she is the topic of a conversation.
I'll never get over losing her and I used to think that eventually
I would learn to live with it - that's not happened yet.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline fishermanmike

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Re: loss of my wife
« Reply #6 on: March 02, 2017, 12:37:43 AM »
i know what you mean i cant look at photoes from funeral i find talkingb about krystyna  just brings  me to tears
but  i like others to talk about how  much they loved her it comforts me, i feel so guilty about  discussing  it with my daughter
because i was always the strong  dad she deserved
 now i feel a failure
 mike

Offline longedge

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Re: loss of my wife
« Reply #7 on: March 02, 2017, 11:16:41 AM »
It's surprising the way things go through your mind without being properly thought through and challenged when you are alone Mike. I've said elsewhere that Chris always told me what I thought and that's a huge oversimplification. In spite of her constant complaints that we didn't talk enough, actually we did discuss things and her good sense and different way of viewing a situation is something that I miss tremendously. I'm sure that it would have been the same for you, so I wonder what you would have been told if you had said to Krystyna that you felt a failure - would she have out you right  :smiley:

Edit - oops - just saw the typo "out" should of course say "put"  :rolleyes:
« Last Edit: March 02, 2017, 06:26:44 PM by longedge »
I'll never get over losing her and I used to think that eventually
I would learn to live with it - that's not happened yet.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline fishermanmike

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Re: loss of my wife
« Reply #8 on: March 02, 2017, 05:35:34 PM »
hello again
your right about krystyna she would have put  me right in my place,how are you,i have been struggling myself for last couple days with stress and anxiety
which has eppeared suddenly doctors seen me and getting some treatment ,i thought i was doing okay till tuesday
just came on i suppose it normal.
have you found somthing to fill your time with, hobbys etc

Offline Norma

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Re: loss of my wife
« Reply #9 on: March 02, 2017, 06:04:27 PM »
Hi my friends, i think we all relied so much on our partners, and we never ever thought that would change, which to our despair it has.  My John and i would discuss things and of course he always made me feel id made the decision lol. But oh so hard making the smallest decisions on my own.
I have to ask my sons advice about most things, and im sure i see a look on his face that he likes me to ask, i suppose it makes him feel useful and helping him through his loss, so if you look at it that way none of us are failures, we are all dealing with our loss, how can it be easy when youve been with someone for like 3 quarters of your life, just getting up each day is a positive, xx

 :hug:

Its been a rough week but i made it. How about you 💐

Offline longedge

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Re: loss of my wife
« Reply #10 on: March 02, 2017, 06:55:05 PM »
I think it would be very remarkable if we didn't succumb to stress and exhibit some sort of symptoms after losing half of ourselves. I realised that I had let myself go completely over the first 12 months or so but reality bit 2 or 3 months ago now. I couldn't get into any of my clothes and was having to buy new trousers etc. I'd put on just over two and a half stones and the ultimate shock was when I went to the doctors for my mot and found out that I was now diabetic.

I've bitten the bullet and have been eating sensibly again and not had a drop of alcohol for 3 months. I've shed just over 2 stone and my weight is still going down but very very slowly now  :smiley:.

In the near future I'm going to go back for another blood test and hopefully my blood sugar will be more under control by then. To be honest I'm finding it harder to eat the right things rather than cutting down on quantity, anyway fingers crossed.

As for pastimes/hobbies, in old posts I've spoken about what a godsend audiobooks have been to me. I have very restricted mobility due to a stroke some years ago and also an old back injury from 40 years back. Our local library provide an online service which is available to all library members. I've worked my way through their selection and I also have a subscription to 'audible.co.uk' for audio books. Being a typical male with a strictlky one track mind, I find that getting engrossed in a book distracts me and stops me from getting too down. My phone is first and foremost a plavback device for the books and radio (radio 4 and radio 4 extra) and I go to sleep every night listening to something. I set the timer for 30 minutes and never hear it switch off.

My other distraction is my computer. I was in IT support before I retired and I run the family helpline. I'm on the committee of our local community centre and look after the website and other things IT related such as poster printing so that's how I fill my days  :smiley:
I'll never get over losing her and I used to think that eventually
I would learn to live with it - that's not happened yet.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline fishermanmike

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Re: loss of my wife
« Reply #11 on: March 02, 2017, 11:32:13 PM »
you should be proud of yourself losing all that weight george
and thanks for the info how to fill the time is a big worry having things to do will help
mike

Offline Rolande

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Re: loss of my wife
« Reply #12 on: March 17, 2017, 12:24:50 PM »
Hi Mike.
I'm new here and just saw your post. I am so sorry for your loss.
My husband of 40 years died 9 weeks ago and I cry every day too. And I don't know how to get through this but maybe by reaching out for help is the first sign that we will get better??
I hope it helps that you are not alone in your grief..so many of us here.
Sending you a hug