Author Topic: Not coping today  (Read 2731 times)

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Offline Badger55

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Not coping today
« on: March 28, 2017, 06:02:03 PM »
It is 4 weeks ago today that I found Simon's body.  The funeral is this coming Monday.  I have no family or close friends to support me at this time and spend a lot of time alone.  My GP is aware and has prescribed sertraline, and I am receiving weekly counselling through work.  However, none of this is seeming to help right now.

I work from home quite a lot and today have been just sat staring at my PC.  I feel like I am losing my mind and am living one constant panic attack.  I keep reliving finding Simon and worrying about my future alone. 

I really struggling to believe that this day-by-day nightmare will ever end.

Offline Norma

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Re: Not coping today
« Reply #1 on: March 28, 2017, 06:46:04 PM »
Im feeling for you Badger, and no at this early stage you really cant imagine it ever  getting easier to cope with, but believe me hun it does, up until the funeral we seem to be in a state of shock and of waiting (what for though i never did find out) all you can do is take baby steps, one day sometimes each hour at a time, but you will slowly start to feel more 'normal'  (never found out what that is either) i couldnt tell you to this day when i started to cope because it happened gradually without even noticing. The only thing i can say hun, is look after yourself try to eat to keep your strength up, and remember youre in a safe place here amongst us xx

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Its been a rough week but i made it. How about you 💐

Offline Hubby

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Re: Not coping today
« Reply #2 on: March 28, 2017, 08:57:10 PM »
It must be really tough for you Badger at this early stage. the shock will be wearing off and you will have so many questions and doubts running around your head you won't know where to start. I was in a similar state and wondered if it would ever end.

It does slowly get easier. Sometimes it's so slow we don't realise it, sometimes we go backwards, but however unlikely it seems right now you will start to cope.

Wishing you strength

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Offline Rolande

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Re: Not coping today
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2017, 12:36:38 PM »
I understand the feeling of panic Badger and wish I could give you an instant solution to relieve your pain. It will be 11 weeks tomorrow that my Charles died. I never knew I could sob so much.

Coming here to write on these pages helps me and I hope it does help you as well.
What helps too is that everyone seems to say the one thing that is consistent..little steps, one day at the time.

Sending a big hug :hug: You are not alone xx

Offline Badger55

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Re: Not coping today
« Reply #4 on: March 30, 2017, 08:59:46 AM »
Thanks all for your lovely posts.  Speaking here and to others I know, I understand the significance of the funeral in both saying goodbye to Simon, and in being symbolic of the end of our chapter in life together.  I also really get the prospect of in the future feeling 'normal' but 'different'.  I am already feeling that difference.

I am going to a conference in Rome with work this June.  A colleague yesterday asked if I am looking forward to it?  I would have normally (that word again) been able to say 'yes', but had to reply that, at present, it is indeed day-by-day for me at this moment.

The people I work with are mainly all young enough to be my children and, as far as I know, have not experienced bereavement.  It is really helpful for me to have people I know outside of work and on this forum  who understand the devastating and relentless process one has to go through following death of a loved one. 

Much love
Badger
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Offline Hubby

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Re: Not coping today
« Reply #5 on: March 30, 2017, 11:11:44 PM »
Day to day is the way to go. Sometimes even minute to minute. it would be a lot easier to grieve than f we knew it started off bad and got a little better each day but it's not like that at all. There are good days, bad days, days that start bad and turn good, days that start good and turn bad and every other combination under the sun.

So, Day by day, knowing that each day is another step on the journey to accepting andcoping with our new normal.

Offline Illeybing

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Re: Not coping today
« Reply #6 on: April 25, 2017, 09:54:26 PM »
I haven't introduced myself on here before as I find it hard to open up and but I want you to know you are not alone as I have the same as you right now, I feel completely lost and I have had such anxiety that I've started screaming in public that comes out of nowhere and I have outer body experiences. Genuinely I know how you feel. It's been 3 months since my mother passed away and the first time I saw a counsellor was today. I have had days where I've felt so diseased ive wanted to end my life but we must remember we are not alone but other people feel the same. We may not share a house with them or have them around to pick us up but at some point I presume I eases up however how have people for centuries gone on?? I am on tablets but I have also been reading the Charles Limden look and listening to meditation and positive things on you tube. I haven't watched the tv or really listened to music since my mum dies as I still jump at things and feel dizzy and have all sort of weird reactions but we can do this. My days go from being functioning to disqsterous but when I think about how I was immediately afternoon my mum died I have come along way. Keep busy and let yourself cry. I find it hard but I am trying and that's all we can do. Take care of yourself x