Author Topic: Worried about everything including going back to work  (Read 2750 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Annie123

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 6
  • Karma: +0/-0
Worried about everything including going back to work
« on: October 04, 2017, 10:13:58 AM »
Hello, can't tell you how much help this website has been, plus your Facebook page, thank you so much.  I lost my mum 7 weeks ago and I don't know where to begin with my feelings.  Still in bits.  I'm worried and anxious about everything, scared about life without Mum x

Two things worrying me are work and a house move which we had planned before Mum died.  We had just sold and were about to buy a house opposite Mum (she was in very early stages of dementia, but still very independent)  We were literally about to exchange contracts the week she died.  Now I don't know what to do - all my plans and dreams have gone.  We do love the house, but I think it would be so upsetting being opposite and no Mum x I live in the next village and go over to Mum's house everyday to sit and reflect.  Should we move? 

My other worry is work.  I'm still off work as I don't feel I could cope (I'm a teacher.  I did try and go back a couple of weeks ago, but only lasted 2 days)  My doctor has signed me off until Monday and I do find being at home helps.  I just don't know how I am going to suddenly cope on Monday.  I have a very challenging class (2 physically and verbally abusive pupils) and I just feel actual panic at the thought of going back.  Is it normal to still feel like this?  I am still crying every day, I was so close to my mum.  Sorry for the long and rambling post xxx

Offline Karena

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2132
  • Karma: +145/-0
Re: Worried about everything including going back to work
« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2017, 07:05:24 PM »
  :hug: It  is Normal to be like this,its really early days,and all your plans went when your mum did,also you are trying to make big decisions at the worst possible time.I agree living opposite your mums house now might be difficult,I think I mentioned before, that might depend on what happens too that house and who ends up living there.I don't know what the answer is,Are you happy in your current house,could you make a clean break and move somewhere else or could you bear someone else in your mums house.What if you kept some of her stuff or took some plants from her garden and moved them across the road,would that help.One thing you could try is writing down your options,then putting a list of pros and come next too them.Perhaps get your family to help with it because it affects all of you.Sometimes you will find one list is so much longer than the other,the best option becomes more obvious.

Difficult with work too I could go outside out of the way in my job but you can't just leave a classroom.Do you have a classroom assistant for the two difficult ones,Some people do allow a phased return so is that a possibility for you.
If not then at least you have half term not too far away.I don't know how it works now but my mum was a teacher and they took it in turns for playground duty,so four days she came home at lunchtimes.If you can leave the premises a brisk walk round the block might help you too recoup a bit.Just a thought but is there a link between work and home,so for example were you moving closer to work so you could pop in on her at lunchtime and would that still be important so you could nip home.


Offline Annie123

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 6
  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Worried about everything including going back to work
« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2017, 10:03:53 PM »
Thank you so much for your reply!  I find it so hard making decisions anyway and right now it's impossible.  I think the list is a good idea.  Unfortunately I can't leave school during the day, and I just find it so hard trying to stop myself crying.  I'm going back to the doctor on Friday as I'm finding everything so hard to cope with.  She recommended Cruse but I couldn't get through.  It just feels like nothing will help.

Offline Karena

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2132
  • Karma: +145/-0
Re: Worried about everything including going back to work
« Reply #3 on: October 05, 2017, 11:39:33 AM »
Try cruse again,i got counselling through my GP, i think Cruse recommend counselling after the first six months.Also some areas have beraevement self help groups, - perhaps google bereavement services in "your area".
We are not professional counsellors but we have all got  first hand experience,and we will be here as long as you need us to be. :hug:

Offline karine

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Worried about everything including going back to work
« Reply #4 on: October 05, 2017, 05:05:57 PM »
So sorry to hear about your mum, so hard losing a parent at any age. Crying is a good thing though, so don't feel surprised if you just burst into tears at any time still.
Tough decision to make about moving, but is it not what your mum would have wanted? But maybe as it is opposite where she lived, you might find it hard? Can you perhaps postpone the move until you are ready and then find another area? Don't rush into it.
Work wise, however tough it is, it does help. Being with different people and having your mind occupied rather than being at home and think too much. Give it another go!