Author Topic: Hello all - struggling with the loss of my dad  (Read 1677 times)

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Offline Grizz

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Hello all - struggling with the loss of my dad
« on: November 19, 2018, 03:12:14 PM »
Hi I just thought I'd introduce myself, my dad passed in Feb this year, I know it's been a while since it happened and I've had grief counselling and taking antidepressants, but I feel lately that I'm struggling more, I've stopped looking after myself as much, I'm spending a lot of time in bed and I feel like my marriage is starting to suffer, could this be an extremely delayed reaction to my dad's death? My dad died pretty suddenly at home and I was the one to discover he had passed away, at the time I went into "robot" mode and didn't even cry for the first week but as time has passed it seems that time is making things worse instead of healing. My dad was the closest person to me in the world, he raised me on his own and without him here I just feel like a shell without a personality. Sorry for the vent but that's pretty much the shortest way I can describe it all, if anyone has any advice then thank you in advance :)

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Hello all - struggling with the loss of my dad
« Reply #1 on: November 19, 2018, 07:03:31 PM »
Sending a welcome hug  :hug:
Grief is not a quick process, and it is quite normal to be grieving for longer - it is a journey which evolves, has many emotions and stages to it (which do not follow a neat pattern).  The intensity doesn't stay the same, it gets easier to cope over time but its certainly not unusual to be feeling grief for a couple of years at least (as many people here will tell you)

We dont lose our grief, we build our lives back up around it, and even many years down the line you may find an occasion where your grief is triggered.  We learn to cope in time, and talking helps xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Sandra61

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Re: Hello all - struggling with the loss of my dad
« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2018, 11:40:32 PM »
Hello Grizz, so sorry to hear about your dad. When I read your post, I found myself identifying with much of what you said. My dad died rather suddenly at home too one night and I was the one to find him. Life is never the same after you lose a parent. My dad died in 1985 and I lost my mum last year. I came home from work one day to find her collapsed across the bed. SHe had had a massive bleed on the brain and survived for about another six or seven weeks, then passed away in hospital. I've been doing my best to cope with everything on my own since then, but had a week about seven months later when I had a complete meltdown, then improved a bit again for a while, then got worse again and so it goes on. I found this website only a couple of months ago and I find it has helped to read about what other people are going through. I don't feel like it isn't Ok to still be struggling with how I'm feeling since coming here. Like you, there are still days when I don't want to get up and sometimes I don't, but those days pass and I have better days at times. I found it helped to find a new interest or resurrect an old one and spend a couple of hours out of the house with other people, if only for a couple of hours a week. It gave me something different to focus on and I made some new friends. I think you need something that will take you out of yourself for a while now and then to help you reconnect with life. It won't 'cure' you, but it might help. Grief is a long and difficult road to follow, but there can be better days as well as the bad ones. Stay strong. Sending hugs!!

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Hello all - struggling with the loss of my dad
« Reply #3 on: November 21, 2018, 08:01:05 PM »
That's really good advice Sandra, doing that also helped me alot on my journey xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Grizz

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Re: Hello all - struggling with the loss of my dad
« Reply #4 on: November 24, 2018, 11:47:32 AM »
Thank you for your replies, it's nice not to feel so alone and know that other people understand :) I'm trying to get more motivated and do more things to distract myself but sometimes it's difficult to find the energy to even start thinking about doing things x

Offline Anglenagle

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Re: Hello all - struggling with the loss of my dad
« Reply #5 on: January 03, 2019, 12:25:48 AM »
Hi, I lost my Dad Sept 2017. It was very sudden and I was there. Like you he was the closest person to me. I was off work for 4 months after. I tried to go back earlier but couldn’t do it. My marriage also broke down completely because my husband was so unsupportive and I felt he was still making things about him all the time.  I have never spent so much time in bed as what I have done since my dad died. I go to work but any spare time I had it is spent in my bed. I drank a lot more and suffered tons of hangovers. I am still struggling but don’t drink the way I used to. I managed to keep a good home to my kids somehow as I hid it all but it has got to the stage I feel so physically and mentally exhausted that something has to change. Reaching out on this forum is hopefully a start. Also, not spending all my time in bed. Trying to get out for some exercise and no drinking. I don’t know where any of that is going to take me but hopefully to a better place. I feel so stuck and I feel people don’t understand because it was over a year ago. I have to try and make things better and my heart goes out to all those struggling x

Offline Sandra61

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Re: Hello all - struggling with the loss of my dad
« Reply #6 on: January 03, 2019, 12:14:42 PM »
Sounds to me like you're on the right track now, Anglenagle. II don't think the answer ever lies in a bottle. It sounds like you're trying to be positive and making an effort to get to grips with all that's happened to you and that can only be good. I think everyone on here would understand. Grief is an on-going process and I agree you have to make a conscious effort to move forward. Good on you! Keep going!