Author Topic: Widow = disbelief  (Read 1989 times)

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Offline Katken72

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Widow = disbelief
« on: November 29, 2018, 07:16:46 PM »
Hi
My husband died 3 weeks ago age 49, completely unexpected. I can’t believe it, we have an 11 year old child as well as my older child who he has raised since she was 5. It is our 1st wedding anniversary tomorrow. How can life be so cruel? I feel so guilty that I should have told him how much I loved him more. The pain feels unbearable

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Widow = disbelief
« Reply #1 on: November 30, 2018, 08:10:40 AM »
Sending you a welcome hug  :hug:  The early days are such a shock, be gentle with yourself.  Xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Widow = disbelief
« Reply #2 on: November 30, 2018, 01:23:19 PM »
 :hug: As Emz says the early days we are in shock and just getting through the day a step at a time is all you can do - sometimes just getting out of bed and brushing your hair is an achievement.
Guilt is something grief likes to throw at us - we will all find a way to feel guilty no matter what - your husband would have known you loved him without the need for words.
Thinking of you today. :hug:

Offline Stevie wee

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Re: Widow = disbelief
« Reply #3 on: December 02, 2018, 08:15:31 AM »
Five weeks since my wife passed like you I'm in disbelief. 54 years old and so full of life. I feel so cheated. Every day is a challenge from waking up, housework shopping, all so hard.. I like you feel bad that I should have told her more often how much I loved her, but she knew. I could have told her a million times more and it wouldn't have been enough. Xx

Offline Katken72

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Re: Widow = disbelief
« Reply #4 on: December 02, 2018, 11:06:25 PM »
Hi, thank you for your message, it is the funeral on Friday, I am dreading it but determined to give him the best send off possible. I just want it to be 12 months from now because I know it must get easier with time and he wouldn’t want me to be so unhappy.  I just never imagined life could be so cruel x

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Widow = disbelief
« Reply #5 on: December 03, 2018, 08:28:42 AM »
It does get easier in time, its a curious journey, slowly the easier days sneak in between the bad days - theres so much pain that its easy to think they havent or to not notice them, but over time it gets easier.  It can help to keep a diary - its quite shocking sometimes when we're having a bad day and struggling, but look back a month or so and can be shocked how far we have come
Some people choose to start one here and post every day, or you could get a nice notebook

It helps to focus on a day at a time, on bad days one hour by hour if need be, and have a rest when its needed too

Wish you strength for Friday  :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Stevie wee

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Re: Widow = disbelief
« Reply #6 on: December 03, 2018, 08:59:32 AM »
My wife's funeral wasn't so traumatic as I imagined. The church was over full so I felt such pride that she touched so many people. I wanted to read a tribute and really didn't think I could do it. I did it I missed the first paragraph as I new I would be in bits so skipped it. It's been the week or so after I've found hard. But she is around me I know. We are all trapped in this awful cage of despair. But we can all help each other through. I always want her with me but I want to see the good memories not the awful ones I have at the moment take care xxx

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Widow = disbelief
« Reply #7 on: December 03, 2018, 07:45:44 PM »
Thats often the way Stevie, we get so fearful about certain days, anniversaries, birthdays - I guess its because there are so many unknowns along with the pain.

Its so true we're in this journey together, its not easy, but those a little further ahead in the journey are able to hold out a supporting those joining the rollercoaster after us  :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Lost675

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Re: Widow = disbelief
« Reply #8 on: December 10, 2018, 07:54:56 PM »
I lost my husband on 8 January totally unexpected too, aged 5O. I just wanted to say firstly that I'm so sorry to hear of your loss it's heartbreaking knowing that anyone else has to go through this. I know the pain is unbearable and I remember thinking, and still do to a certain extent that it's all a big mistake and he'll walk back through the door any minute. I want to reassure you that time does make a big difference, because sadly you get used to the pain. I found it helped to keep busy, it just gives your mind a distraction if only for a few minutes. I wrote in a note book for the first few months as if I was talking to my husband, somehow I felt he'd hear that way. My son gave me a reason to carry on, sometimes the only reason in those early dark days. Hang in there, it won't seem like it now but time does help.

Offline Katken72

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Re: Widow = disbelief
« Reply #9 on: December 10, 2018, 09:48:26 PM »
Thank you , that’s exactly how I feel, like it is a big mistake and he is just at work and will be coming home. I have so many regrets about not telling how much he meant to us all. It’s heartbreaking. I can’t help looking at couples and feeling envious, I want to tell them to enjoy every moment. Like you  my girls keep me going at the moment otherwise I’m not sure I could get out of bed. Thank you xx

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Widow = disbelief
« Reply #10 on: December 11, 2018, 07:39:52 AM »
I remember that feeling well,  thinking it was a mistake.  5 years down the line and last night that thought even fleeted through my mind that it wasn't really true that my dad's gone

It does get easier in time - the journey may feel slow but it will get easier to cope and you're not alone here  xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx