Introducing myself

[Tinkerbell18]

Evening all 😊

This is my first visit and my first time using a forum, so not sure how this all works

 I’ve been in denial for some time that I’m fine and everything is ok when in truth I still haven’t come to terms with the loss of my husband 😢 I’ve been struggling with anxiety too.

My husband was killed in Oct 17 and although it has been over a year I just can’t get over it or even believe it’s real. I’m hoping that maybe talking on here will help as I feel sometimes people believe I’m stronger than I really am!and it’s brushed under the carpet,  That’s the front I try to put on anyway! I’m  hoping for some kind of reassurance that what I’m feeling is normal I have a lot of health anxiety as I’m now a lone parent of 3 children, living in fear that I’m the only one left to care for them. I do know it’s all in my mind but it’s hard to shake off when I’m in that dark place😢

I’m not sure if I’ve grieved yet, I’ve been so focused on other things trying to put it out of my mind-is this normal?
💋

[Emz2014]

Sending you a welcome hug 
Keeping busy is very normal. Grief takes many forms, and also isnt completed neatly in a tidy order or timescale.  I know my second year brought different challenges

Talking can help, and we have many people here who will understand xx

[Karena]

  Anxiety is often a part of grief and in your case its not suprising when you have the children - the first time i was widowed i had two young teenage daughters and it was awful trying to be strong for them but also that responsability weighing down on me - its not as though i couldnt make decisions and sort out the things i had too -just that when there is no-one to sound out those decisions too - no-one to say you were right or wrong in an argument - or you were right or wrong to let them go out - etc -no one to  come up with any ideas of how to help them to do homework when i didnt even understand it myself - even things like checking smoke alarms and locking the door - i checked them but there was no-one there to double check and so previousely minor things became a huge worry getting up in the night and checking again myself then still not sleeping. All that on top of the great loss and grief it brings is a massive thing to cope with so little wonder you are struggling - Dont think that a year is a long time - it really isnt - the journey after the initial impact is about healing but it can take a much longer time than people expect especially for those around us who are not on the same path as you. -i think you spend the first year just surviving and the second accepting that the lies you told yourself in the first year, that they would walk back through the door and  it was all a mistake,even while knowing it isnt the case, you can no longer tell yourself - but that doesnt mean cutting the bond you had, you will always have that through the children -so one positive way to move forward when you feel ready is to create a memory box or book that you can sit down and share together with them over the years, and that way they will come to know him in the only way they can -through you - it also gives you the opportunity to invoke good memorys - so even though his loss is devastating your mind dwells a bit more on the richness he brought to your life.

[Tinkerbell18]

Thank you both for the kind words-I shed a tear or maybe a few 😢 but I take comfort in knowing I’m not the only one! You’re right it’s time to heal and this is the first step in doing so by just talking (or typing) I felt a release last night by just this so here’s to many more 💋

[Karena]

 :hug:we here as long as you need us.

[Emz2014]

  xx