Author Topic: Pain...so much pain  (Read 1891 times)

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Offline Ravenlove

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Pain...so much pain
« on: January 07, 2019, 08:19:44 AM »
My name is Laura, I have two brothers,and we lost our Mother on 6th November. As she lived on the same street as me, I'd seen her pretty much every day for the last 25 years. When she was diagnosed in May, with Colon cancer, we were there for her when she needed us. Her partner of the last 16 years, doted on her, and when she got to a point where she couldn't be left alone, he stayed with her, and we , her children & grandchildren, took turns to be with her when he needed a break. She went downhill, and went into hospital on 22nd October, and we lost her two weeks later. We all knew it was coming, but as anyone who has been in this situation knows, it still doesn't prepare you for that finality. As she was in a rented house, we all had to swing into action, to get it cleared in the time we had, and I got on with sorting out her financial estate. I collected the death certificate, and arranged the funeral. It all went very smoothly, and I was proud of myself for having managed to do all that by myself. Then one morning, not long before the funeral, I woke up in terrible pain, unable to move. It was like I'd seized up overnight. I felt like I'd aged 30 years. My mobility was affected, and it felt like my muscles were aching all over.  I am still suffering with this problem, and I get to a point in the day where I've had enough, and I just want it to be over...like I want to die, simply to get rid of this pain. (Has anyone else suffered from this, and if so, how long did it take to get better?)  Once I am up and moving, it gets a little easier, but if I sit for too long, I find it hard to get up. Bending down and kneeling down are completely out. I cry a lot, mainly because of the pain, but also because I've lost my Mum. I don't know where to start to get my life back. I read last week, that grief and stress, can cause this kind of pain. The stress hormones flood the body, and affect the muscles. Knowing this helps, as it's something that shouldn't be permanent, so it gives me hope. But every day I wake up in this pain, it just drags me further down. I don't know where to start to get my life back.  If anyone can offer any advice, I'd be so grateful. I can't go on like this. 

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Pain...so much pain
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2019, 09:03:30 AM »
Sending you a welcome hug  :hug:

I have not experienced the same but I did have moments when my grief and despair felt physical - a deep pain in my chest, an ache deep inside.  :hearts:

Have you popped to the Dr's to double check you havent picked up a virus whilst your immune system will have been impacted by the stress? If you havent it would be wise to see what they can check/help they can offer. You may be surprised how much they can help.

How is your sleep?  If you are not sleeping you wont be getting the restorative element of sleep which could cause aches and pains too. So might help to consider how you relax/get ready for bed (having a calming routine can help)

Do you have people around you you can talk to about your loss? If the stiffness is caused by tension talking might help. You could consider bereavement counselling, to give you a safe space to talk.  We're not professionals here, just people also on the bereavement journey at different stages. we will be here as long as you need us. Xx
« Last Edit: January 07, 2019, 01:06:32 PM by Emz2014 »
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Ravenlove

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Re: Pain...so much pain
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2019, 08:35:39 PM »
Thank you for your reply. I have been to the doctors, and I am currently awaiting blood test results, though I am pretty sure these will come back clear. I sleep okay, when I can get comfortable. But because of the pain, this makes it difficult, and when when I do sleep, I wake up in more pain, because I've not been moving about. I am at a low ebb at the moment, and have picked up my hubby's cold & cough, so my immune defenses are indeed down. I do try & relax, and I have a bath every evening before bed, but sadly,this makes little difference to my pain. I guess I need to find a way of de-stressing.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Pain...so much pain
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2019, 08:58:37 PM »
Trying out different ways to relax may give you some respite.  Maybe research some different activities or options which might help, also help you to feel you have some control over it

How is your diet? To try and support your immune system/recovery could try an anti inflammatory diet? Give your body a chance to repair. Often a Mediterranean diet is described as good for inflammation, there's lots of detail via Google.  If nothing else, you might discover a tasty dish to add to your regular meals

Whatever happens, you know the Dr is checking things and there are things you can try to give you hope  :hearts:  make sure you notice any glimmers of positive change or reduced pain, it may give you an insight into what may help or just help you maintain the hope you can get rid of it xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Ravenlove

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Re: Pain...so much pain
« Reply #4 on: January 08, 2019, 08:37:52 AM »
Once again, thanks for the reply. I know you're trying to help, but I feel this is a grief thing, not a health problem. I came here to find others who have perhaps suffered physical pain when grieving, and how long it stayed. I don't feel that diet is the problem here and of course I will be taking steps to try & relax/meditate etc :sad:. I thank you for taking the time to reply, but I think that maybe this is not the kind of site I thought it was, so I will say goodbye. Thanks again!