Author Topic: A moment of madness  (Read 2709 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline g1llyg1lls

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Karma: +0/-0
A moment of madness
« on: August 31, 2018, 08:15:36 PM »
I've not done this before so don't really know where to start.  I lost my Fiancé 17 years ago in a RTC.  I've been through the grieving process, had the counselling and accepted what happened.  I still think about him every day.  I have met someone new, got married and have two beautiful children. 

Today while driving home from my eldests swimming lesson I glanced in the rear view mirror and the driver in the car behind me was a spitting image of my Fiancé.  All reason abandoned me and I found myself turning the car around and following the car into an estate.  I wanted to be certain that it wasn't him, as if the last 17 years had all been an elaborate cover up.  I saw the parked car, saw him get out and surprise surprise it wasn't him.  I felt relief and then completely stupid for giving in to the irrational thoughts.

I wasn't allowed to see his body after the accident so he was identified by his fingerprints as they were on file as part of his job.  It's something that plagued me at the very beginning of my grief journey.  The irrational thought that he wasn't really dead but had to go undercover for work.  Of course the rational part of me knows how silly that sounds.

After my experience today I find myself feeling quite unsettled, I also feel like I've let myself down for being so irrational.  I find myself coming to a forum for the first time to air my feelings and wonder if anyone else has had an irrational moment (set back?) like this?

Offline Emz2014

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1904
  • Karma: +130/-0
Re: A moment of madness
« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2018, 07:06:47 AM »
I dont think we ever 'get over' grief, it becomes easier but it is very easy to be transported back in time through a memory. I know I've had something similar when I randomly saw an ex when I was driving - lots of memories flood back in an instant and can feel very unsettled. I guess its because our minds arent expecting it

Seems only natural that if there was some sad/upsetting memories connected to that person then memories triggered would leave you feeling unsettled xx

Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2132
  • Karma: +145/-0
Re: A moment of madness
« Reply #2 on: September 03, 2018, 03:31:52 PM »
 :hug: I have been widowed twice and both times I was there at the end of their lives but even then it didnt stop me from having the odd random thought that it was a hoax - so i dont think what you experienced was weird  under the circumstances - perhaps just unexpected out of the blue like that. It doesnt mean you have any less love for your husband now - just that as Emz says there is always a part of us that always mourns for who we lost, but without it being detrimental to who we may have now.

Offline GHOST

  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 226
  • Karma: +11/-0
  • Gender: Male
Re: A moment of madness
« Reply #3 on: September 03, 2018, 09:18:12 PM »
R
« Last Edit: November 15, 2022, 06:47:32 PM by GHOST »

Offline Emz2014

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1904
  • Karma: +130/-0
Re: A moment of madness
« Reply #4 on: September 04, 2018, 07:49:09 AM »
That must have been quite unsettling when you realised that Brian. Sending a hug  :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline sadboy

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 10
  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: A moment of madness
« Reply #5 on: September 17, 2018, 11:51:43 PM »
Hello, I lost my Dad only a month ago and I don't think you should feel at all foolish about anything that happens or that you do, that involves remembering the person you have lost. It is good that he is still in your thoughts so strongly, so please try to make a positive out of things like this. Even if you feel part of you has accepted he is gone, there is nothing wrong with another part of you still believing he might somehow still exist. That latter belief is the only thing giving me comfort at present. My Dad isn't the only bereavement I've suffered, I had another in 2015 and another in 2004, and part of me still believes those people are not really gone.