Author Topic: Hello  (Read 1270 times)

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Offline Vape man

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Hello
« on: January 20, 2019, 06:38:53 PM »
Hi I'm new to all this.
So I'm 36 years old, gone anonymous for personal reasons.

So I'm really struggling right now. I've tried councillor sessions but just doesn't seem like it's for me.
So my story.
Me and my partner had my first child and her 3rd in September, we was over the moon, the next day my partner collapsed and they ran some tests in the maternity ward and she needed a blood transfusion so they gave her that over the night and the following day she seemed right as rain, I went home to get a shower and change of clothes as we had been there for 3 days already, my mom, stepdad and her other 2 kids were with her to meet the baby and keep an eye on her etc. So I go back a few hours later, and she is uncomfortable so I ask a nurse to come and help get her settled, everything is fine, then came the shift swap, midwife we hadn't met yet she came in introduce herself etc, and as she walked out the room my partner crashed, within 30 seconds I was watching them drill holes in her shins using a defib on her, they took her to surgery and gave her 52 pints of blood, had 2 surgeons travel from different hospitals to come and try and help, the midwife who was very nice all the time we was there came to get me and said I should go and see her because she is very poorly, I went and was nearly sick. All the pipes and tubes everywere still haunts me, I went back to the room they gave us, and just sat there 6am came and the same midwife came back n said I need to go see her now, 15mins later they had to turn the machines off. She had slipped away and her body couldn't cope with the trauma.
I've lost my soul mate and had my heart ripped out, I've gained a daughter but llshe doesn't have a mommy anymore, I've never had to deal with the loss of someone close before, I don't know how grieving works, I can't talk to people face to face because I just don't like doing it.
Everything is just painful and I'm sick of people saying it will get easier because it's just what people say.
They took my girlfriend to Manchester for a coroner report as the hospital was I would just say a little dazed and dumbfounded about the reasoning she passed, the Dr tried to explain bless him but I could see his mouth moving but couldn't hear a word, the midwifes, nurses drs and surgeons were absolutely amazing and I have no doubt in my mind that they did everything they could and my partner's body just gave in she was a fighter and wouldn't of stopped fighting but I guess her organs couldn't cope. It took a good 6/7 weeks to actually get a reason of why she passed away, it was awful just sat there waitingnto find out why. We was allowed to have a funeral before we even got a full death certificate because it was taking so long. I really just needed to vent to someone that may have been in this situation or something similar, people just keep giving me the same thing all the time, and frankly it just gets annoying as I'm sure some of you will understand.


Anyway thank you for listening to me, and if anyone does reply thank you.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Hello
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2019, 09:42:06 PM »
Sending you a welcome hug  :hug:

To go so suddenly from such a happy event to something so devastating must be such a shock. People around will desperately want to help make things better for you, but words are little comfort at the beginning, especially when some people who have not lost people before dont quite understand

Everyone here has lost loved ones and understand how it feels, although each of our journeys are also individual. There are many common aspects on the bereavement rollercoaster, sometimes it just helps to be able to write things down or find you're not alone on this journey xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Cathy2018

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Re: Hello
« Reply #2 on: January 20, 2019, 10:51:05 PM »
Vape I don’t know what to say. Just keep looking for support

Offline Dibsy

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Re: Hello
« Reply #3 on: January 23, 2019, 07:09:16 PM »
Hi Vape Man,

I was so sorry to read of the terrible ordeal you are going through, words are never enough to express sympathy for the depths of sorrow you must be feeling. I hope you are looking after yourself and your new daughter. Thinking of you.