Author Topic: Anxiety and confidence  (Read 2226 times)

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Offline Gingey

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Anxiety and confidence
« on: January 25, 2018, 10:20:43 AM »
Hi
I am struggling with anxiety and confidence.
I can feel my heart pounding in my ears and chest and I hate this feeling.
I have tried breathing slowly but I cant seem to imorove it much.
Anybody similar experience, how to deal with this
Thanks

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Anxiety and confidence
« Reply #1 on: January 25, 2018, 11:27:58 AM »
I have had that.  There were a couple of things which helped me.

Firstly, I found a breathing technique which worked for me. It's called 7:11 breathing.  You ensure you are breathing deeply from diaphragm (ie ensuring your belly moves too), breathe in to count of 7 and then breathe out to count of 11.  The most important part is ensuring the out breath is longer than in breath as that engages our relaxation response. You can shorten the numbers if they are too long, to 3:5 for example.  Keep it up for at least a few minutes

A trick with this is to try and practice when you're not feeling overly anxious too, as it then becomes easier to do it when you're really stressed.  If you're a visual person can also find a rectangle in your environment and use it with the breathing - keeping a steady pace breathe in whilst scanning eyes along short edge, and breathe out scanning eyes along long edge

The other thing that works for me is colouring.  The repetitive motion of colouring and something to concentrate on really helps, and have something to show for it at the end.  Adult colouring books are very common now, can get in magazine or book form, and pretty much any topic you can think of too - whether you're fancying shapes like mandalas, nature, animals, people - all sorts. Amazon also has lots

Something else that helps me too is getting active - brisk walk around house/garden, do some step-ups on the bottom step of the stairs, even something like star jumps - just getting active and burning off that excess anxiety.  Could even try dancing to some energetic music - anything to start getting yourself moving. May have looked stupid but I managed to avoid a panic attack yesterday by stomping around my lounge doing knee lifts (thankfully I was home alone!) Xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Anxiety and confidence
« Reply #2 on: January 25, 2018, 12:25:03 PM »
certain situations make me very anxious usually related too social and travel -so if thats you too as well as Emz techniques here are a couple of other ideas.

Travel its prep -make sure everything is organised ,you know the time frame, have all the documents ready that you might need. Dont leave everything too the last minute, so whatever else might be creating anxiety, fear of missing a train/plane doesnt add too it.

Social events -out and about - i carry a camera - so for example at a vinatge car and steam fair i did a series of shots of car radiators and transitioning through Manchester with a long wait a series of Gable ends. It works because it gives me (i feel) an outward appearance of being there for a purpose - but also focuses my attention on a very narrrow subject.

To be honest i try to avoid indoor events that involve a lot of strangers -but where i cant, again i create myself a role where possible  -you know the song always in the kitchen at partys -well thats me and if i,m not in the kitchen i,m collecting plates or glasses to take there.

Finally have something on you that can ground you.I have a quartz crystal that goes everywhere with me and now also a crystal bracelet that i wear all the time because clutching something tight in a pocket, which i did with crystal its not possible in every situation. whereas wearing a bracelet is.
By grounding what i mean is something that you associate with a peaceful moment - so if you have had a relaxing day on a beach pick up a pebble hold it in your hand -feel how warm it is if the sun has been on it -how smooth it us look around you listen too the gulls and the waves -or even put it into the sea on the edge -then take it away with you. When you start to feel panicky pick it up hold it in your hand and recreate that scene -so your mind focuses on that place and associated relaxation.The bracelet just seeing it there on my wrist makes me smile and relax because of the place i bought it -and the memory of the day and place and placing it into the ocean.

Offline Gingey

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Re: Anxiety and confidence
« Reply #3 on: January 25, 2018, 08:56:23 PM »
Thank you Emz and Karena for replies and some tips.
I can identify with the situations you mention.
I can become anxious at home, at work, when visiting my son and various other random times. I am really struggling with living alone and worry too much about future.
I have never lived on my own.until my husband died and find the silence and emptiness overwhelming. He didnt ever make much of a noise or conversation but it is his presence and knowing he was around that I miss dreadfully and am struggling with.
I know I am not the first person this has happened to, some people seem better at coping .
Sending hugs to all on this journey we didnt want
 :love:

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Anxiety and confidence
« Reply #4 on: January 25, 2018, 09:23:40 PM »
Try not to compare yourself with others - often we do not see the turmoil someone goes through behind closed doors. We dont know what they may be struggling with, whilst all looks calm externally  :hearts: 
Make sure you notice the achievements you have made already - you are already achieving alot, and can build on that in time

Another tip I have is to carry a pack of polos with you - at any time you might feel anxious or on edge, have a polo. It helps to calm (I have read somewhere that it gives your body a signal not to be anxious - during the fight/flight response our digestion slows/stops to allow for urgent action along with all the stress hormones flooding your system - when you have a polo it encourages saliva, so your body is feeding back to your brain contradictory information which helps to calm the anxiety response).  Also the minty flavour gives you something to focus on too - plus a mini sugar hit

When at home try using the tv, radio or music to create background noise, which can be reassuring xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Anxiety and confidence
« Reply #5 on: January 26, 2018, 04:43:14 PM »
i also have the TV on much more than i am actually watching it. and here we are friday afternoon and while my colleagues are finishing up and getting ready for the exciting or even non exciting but familly weekend ahead, i,m wondering which route to walk back to drag out ariving home, and how i,m going to fill mine.
I have a friday night strategy nice tea, chocolate,pamper bath tv comedy -and it helps, but leaving work and going home knowing i probably wont speak to anyone unless on the phone until monday is still a "take a deep breath" step i have to make on many weekends Its not always like this some weekends i go camping etc so you do kind of focus on them, but especially in winter when there isnt even any proper daylight to tempt me outside, it seems endless -and its not as though there is much chatter or anything at work so i guess it is just being in a building with other people.
As Emz says though no -one looking at me would know that, so we do lead double lives. :hug: