Author Topic: 48 days  (Read 2557 times)

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Offline Sean88

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48 days
« on: January 29, 2018, 12:21:04 AM »
Its been 48 days since my grandmother passed away 30 days todaysince her funeral keys are back with the landlord to her flat everything cleared out got alot of her stuff here i thought i was doing ok until we went back to her flat to.dig out a rose bush she wanted my mum to have just seeing the flat made me burst into tears and ever since the funeral i wouldnt say i was depressed but not willing to do anything since her funeral even take a shower or look for work is that normal or does it sound like i shouod see my gp

Offline Emz2014

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Re: 48 days
« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2018, 08:48:44 AM »
It's difficult. Bereavement has alot of similarities to depression.  It's a totally normal reaction to losing a loved one.  Our minds have to process our loss and that involves quite a journey of emotions.  There's some information out there about the different stages of grief, they dont come in an orderly fashion though - some 'stages' can happen a few times, I went through a couple of stages of not being able to sleep, just being awake between 2 and 4/5 like clockwork

It's really important to try to look after ourselves,do your best to eat, and eat healthy stuff where you can, try and get regular sleep, get out for walks etc, see people. Sometimes we have to be gentle with ourselves and just rest a little bit. Do you have people you can talk with? That's so important for helping us process our grief - and a reason this forum helps so much.  If feeling shy, can always try journaling - writing out your thoughts etc in a diary can also help us process it and make sense of things. 

Make sure you take notice of what you are achieving.  On particularly bad days even if its only getting out of bed and dressed, its all steps forward.  On bad days concentrate on baby steps. We used to have a '5 a day' thread, where you have a post and each day you try to notice and add something good/achieved or grateful for. That could be anything, big or small, on bad days could even be you had a good cup of coffee.  But in time it gets easier to get up to/find your 5.  You could try that perhaps?  (I still do that each day in my paper diary)

All that being said, it can also easily develop into depression. There is no shame in needing support, and there's a variety of support available, such as medication and counselling.  The medication won't take away the grief but can make it easier to cope.  I think bereavement counselling is usually offered after 6 weeks has passed (I'm guessing due to such heightened emotions at the start of grief), but can certainly enquire and pursue at any time.  Pop and see your Dr and have a chat - Dr's are very supportive
Xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: 48 days
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2018, 10:27:49 AM »
I agree with what Emz said but would also add that there is nothing wrong with crying -its fine too cry i would probably have done the same. When you handed the keys in there was going to be a last time of being around the place she lived still ahead. But now the rose has been transferred that probably felt like an absolute last  -and now thats done it makes sense you are feeling depressed.Withdrawing from the world for a while is a natural reaction but letting that go on for too long is more negative.It no doubt feels like a lifetime for you, this 48 days but in reality it is still early days on this grief journey.
We cant really advise about when to ask for professional help its very difficult too say. Seeing your GP wouldnt hurt and some GP surgerys do offer bereavement counselling so it would certainly be worth asking about that as there may be a waiting list.
You could start a diary here in the diary room -i used to write letters too my husband poems etc in the diary room on our old forum.Not just missing you letters though -if you combine that with the five a day theory (five is just a random number -one will do) -so as an example when the rose comes into bud tell her that -when something positive happens, you go somewhere or everyday stuff tell her that too just as you would have done when she was alive. The thing with doing that is when the dark clouds block your view, you can look back through and remind yourself those more positive moments have happened and there can be more of them, and also that in looking for them you become more observant of those things in life -whatever it is and however fleeting  - a bird singing, a child smiling, a wayside flower, or a kind gesture from a friend,whatever it is that brings you pleasure -once written down can continue to do so.

Offline Sean88

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Re: 48 days
« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2018, 06:46:05 PM »
Thanks for the replies today was the 1 month anivesary since her funeral i sat by the sea had a quick chat with her i keep seeing people talk about robins and death and i know she liked robins there is one keeps coming to the garden and even saw one when we went for lunch at her fav garden center inside which now cheers me up.when i see robins its like shes the robin.

Offline GHOST

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Re: 48 days
« Reply #4 on: January 29, 2018, 09:14:09 PM »
Y
« Last Edit: November 15, 2022, 06:55:12 PM by GHOST »