Author Topic: Hello  (Read 1631 times)

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Offline Leelee59

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Hello
« on: June 04, 2018, 11:44:38 PM »
I recently lost my husband of almost 39 years to prostate cancer at a young age of almost 58. We fell in love at 16 and were married at 19 years old and have been soul mates since then . He was my best friend , my first and only love . I am finding it hard to accept what has happened and can't understand how I am meant to live the rest of my life without him.My children and grandchildren are also grieving but they are also trying to give me support but I feel that my life has no meaning anymore and I don't want to be here . I just want to be with him. How do I deal with my pain ? Everything around me brings back memories and all I do is cry. I am heartbroken !! My heart has been shattered into a million pieces and it will never be whole again. How do I go on ?

Offline Lost675

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Re: Hello
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2018, 10:53:44 PM »
Hi, I'm only 5 months into dealing with the loss of my husband and I have the same question as you have. I haven't found the answers yet I'm afraid but just wanted to say hello and hope this forum helps you in some way. It has helped me as I find just reading others experiences at least makes me feel my thoughts and feelings are normal. On bad days,  the kind reassurance I've had from others here, who really know what it feel likes to lose the one you love, has been comforting.

Offline Karena

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Re: Hello
« Reply #2 on: June 07, 2018, 02:09:11 PM »
I feel for both of you because i have been there and that feling of  having no purpose is terrible. I wanted my life to end - but i imagined a conversation, if there is an afterlife of any kind and we met again - how would that go - how would he react if i had thrown away what he fought to keep and brought even more hurt to our children and grandchildren - what if neither of  us was around to see them grow  - and later i imagined another one -in which i had done nothing - just survived - what a boring conversation and a short conversation, and from that moment i decided i would live my life for him - whether that conversation ever happens, whether we ever meet again or not - or whether he is actually by my side sharing it in some way - i had found my purpose.I did things we talked about but didnt get round too - went back to places we loved and set my mind on making him proud.
 I am much further down the line than you now and i wont pretend this isnt a very difficult journey you have ahead, but just want to re-assure you that gradually over time you can find your life does start to have a point again,  a glimmer of happines  a moment that can quickly disapear is a moment to treasure and hold on too through the darker times. What that purpose  is for all three of us will be different - we all have to find what fits. Along the way i,ve tried things that have been the wrong things. But the starting point, and I,ve had to slay some dragons -to get to do these things -and the more i do the more i feel he is by my side sharing it with me. There are still times i feel lonely still times i miss his physical presence  he is rarely not in my mind  and never not in my heart the journey doesnt end, it just becomes a less rocky one and overall life is better, and absolutely worth living as fully as possible.But for now in these early days - every time you get out of bed, everytime you step out of the door every little thing you finish is an achievemnet, so be kind too yourself and try to think one hour one day one week ahead before looking much further for a long term pupose. :hug:

Offline Leelee59

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Re: Hello
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2018, 12:05:34 AM »
Thank you Karena and Lost675 for your words of encouragement . I am trying to keep busy and as you said get out of bed in the morning but everywhere I go or everything I do reminds me of my husband and the fact that I will never have him or my old life again. I am finding it so hard to accept what has happened and sometimes I actually find myself thinking that it's all been a bad dream and that when I wake up he will be sitting next to me or just in the next room. Then I realise it isn't a dream and panic sets in. How do I explain all this hurt to my heart ? How do I continue to live when he was my main reason for living ? I also keep reliving his last weeks in hospital and this upsets me even more  as I had to  witness this horrible disease take over  such a strong proud man . These memories are haunting me !

Offline stephenpaul

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Re: Hello
« Reply #4 on: June 08, 2018, 10:08:32 AM »
Hello Leelee.

I understand how you feel. I lost my wife in February without any warning. I work everyday, and that hides some of the pain, but life now seems like a bad and ongoing dream. Seeing on here people going through similar experiences reminds me I am not unique in my feelings of loss, but I miss my wife so very much and all the things we used to do together.

Offline jcass

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Re: Hello
« Reply #5 on: June 14, 2018, 10:31:09 PM »
HI
lost my husband 5 months ago and we seem to be all feeling the same but in so many different levels, I too don't see the point but keep going and waiting for him to return, cant give up hope its all I have.
J