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[Cleo]

   My husband died on 9th January after 18 months suffering bowel cancer.  I was doing OK ish interspersed with crying fits but I am worried that I am forgetting how he looked and sounded and felt.  It is tough as I almost don't want to remember him in his ill state but I still loved him all the way through it all.  I miss his hugs and kisses and just being with him.  Being on your own is rubbish!  I have a step daughter and grand kids who I see every 6 weeks or so and my parents have been great but nothing replaces him.  I have been building new memories by going away a lot but perhaps that is just delaying my grief as I cry every day I am at home. TV is a big help as a distraction, as is the internet.  Anything absorbing really.  Have got friends but don't want to keep talking to them about it.  Hopefully time makes it all less painful.

[Norma]

Hello Cleo, so sorry to hear about your loss, yes evenings are the worst tines xx

[Cairo]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

The memories of your loved one in pain are the worst, aren't they? I have found it helpful to get out old photographs and really concentrate on them and remember our life then. It makes me cry lots for what I have lost but it is gradually replacing those other awful images in my mind.

I know what you mean about not wanting to keep talking to friends and family. You feel, once you have told them something, you can't keep repeating it, even though you want to. I think maybe you must say things a couple of times so they understand how important the feelings are to you but, after that, it's possibly better to let your thoughts out somewhere like this, rather than in your friendships, unless they are people who have experienced bereavement themselves and will understand.

We need our friends and family to help us move forward with our new lives. I want to keep those relationships more about building a future than crying about the past. Don't know if that makes sense or if I'm explaining it properly.

I think it's very important to have support and to talk and let things out but it's also important to do it in a way that's comforting and appropriate for you. For some people that's family, for some it is friends, some people find counselling helps, some people write it all down. I talk to myself and read and write the posts here and that helps me.

[Emz2014]

I remember a phase of forgeting what my dad sounded like, and it scared me.  But in time it came back.  I think its a normal stage of our minds processing everything

Its known that in grief we need to keep talking about something, a particular memory or concern etc as it helps us move through our grief but i know what you mean about not wanting to say to friends.  I found peoples lives moved on so quickly, they dont mean to but they forget or expect you to be over it, so its hard to bring it up.  I was lucky that a very close friend has understanding of bereavement and she would always bring it up to check on me and give me space to talk.  She was the only one I cried with, other times i maintained a mask. But in time i found i couldnt open up, and I found here which i am very grateful for

Xx

[Karena]

Hi. I can only repeat what the others have said really.
I lost my husband five years ago and still miss him every day but I do now remember much more the happy healthy husband than the poorly one.I know about the panic that you will forget it is something that many here have experienced you may not believe me but you won't,and I know it becomes increasingly difficult to talk to friends and family I have found in the end there are only a couple of people I ever mention missing him too but also as time has passed and the emotional shock lessened  and fear of an emotional reaction lessened I included him increasingly more in conversations.I want my grandchildren to know him so quite often tell them little stories about things he said or did and share affectionate memory's with mutual friends.
In the early days though I wrote a lot and shared my feelings here with others who understand because they too are grieving.This place has also been the source of new friendships a place to come when loneliness takes over and a place to share not just grief but the everyday things and the good things in our lives.

[Jude M]

Welcome Cleo, so sorry for the loss of your husband, I lost my husband just over 3 years ago to bowel cancer.
Evenings I can cope with, day time  and being in the house is my demon, so I try to keep myself busy in the garden,shed by pottering in there or  walking.

[Cleo]

Thanks for the replies.  It is the loneliness that is the worst, especially as I am on a year sabbatical off from work which was to help me look after him originally but he died 2 days before it started.  I am taking it anyway as a gift from him and have booked a few days away but need to sort out stuff to do at home.  Maybe some volunterring when I feel ready.  I am feeling low this week as I have had a bad chest infection.

[Hubby]

Hi Cleo. It's early days for my grieving so I can't offer much advice on coping but I do understand what you mean about the loneliness. I can even feel lonely with a house full of people. 

As you said hopefully time will lessen the pain 

[Joann]

   Welcome Cleo.

[Cairo]

Hi Cleo. I've had all sorts of physical ills, including a chest infection,  since losing my husband in five weeks ago. I think you're so run down that you catch anything going around. If it doesn't clear up I'd see a doctor.

Volunteering is a really good idea. I find nothing takes your mind off your troubles as much as helping those who are in a worse situation than you.

Take time to heal and look after yourself first though. Xxx

[Cleo]

I've been to the doc and have steroids and antibiotics and I do feel better after a week of rest.  My lovely neighbours are keeping their eyes on me as they know I have no family living near. 

[Cairo]

That sounds good. Maybe you can get some vitamin C or multi vitamins as well. Keep us posted about how you are feeling. Hoping you'll be better soon. Xx

[Cleo]

Thanks.  My Goddaughter is now staying for the weekend so that has lightened tge moid.

[Soleil]

Hi Cleo,

I'm a little behind the 8 ball with my postings since I've been sick with a cold. I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. You will find many people here who are going through the same thing. 

[Cleo]

Thanks.  I am geeling loads better tho it took another set of antibiotics.  Now on hol on Italy.  First day was a struggle as hotel full of couples.but tiday has been good now I am getting used to it.