Lost my Dad

[nattylee]

Hi all

My Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer end of Dec 2015. He died unexpectedly 10th March from either a heart attack or a blood clot. We were a very close family, my Mom and I and my son (no other siblings). I am crushed, I don't know how to process this... My Mom is terribly sad, alone. I live very closeby. I Just do not know how to move forward..... I get up, I do what I have to then I goto bed. I miss him so so much, he was like a best friend and Dad all rolled into one... so funny and entertaining.... now gone. There was no time for goodbyes, I wasnt there when it happened...I did get there after only to see him lifeless.....

Everyone says it gets easier with time..... I am scared I will lose my work, as I have a few jobs and I am self employed. I just feel like locking myself away..... How can we live the rest of our lives and never see or hear him again?

My Mom was married 46 years to my Dad. He was her life..... How does she continue?

I am a Christian but it does not help me in my pain, loss, bereavement..... I know I feel like most of you. I feel like we will never have joy again.

Thank you for listening....:-(

[pennyking]

Welcome Nattylee.  So sorry for your loss.  We are here to listen and we do understand what your going through.  Please keep talking to us.  Sending hugs.
Penny x

[Hubby]

Hi nattylee. So sorry to hear of your families loss. My thoughts are with you. Could you invite your mother to stay over or perhaps stay at hers for a while to provide mutual support?

[Norma]

Welcome Nattylee, i cant tell you how you your son and your mum are going to pull through your loss, but hun believe me you all will, it sounds as though you are a very close family so that bond will be the rock that keeps you all strong. I had been married to my hubby 48 years when i lost him, and this group has been my lifeline so please keep talking to us xx

 

[Emz2014]

Sending a welcome hug 
I lost my dad after a short battle with cancer, just after he started to respond to the chemo he had a blood clot on his lung.  It was sudden and my sister found him after i was unable to get contact with him that day. It tore my world apart
He too was my friend as well as a fabulous dad.  Its a rollercoaster journey, and its painful, but you can do it.  Hold on in there and take baby steps xx

[nattylee]

Hi, I just feel numb. Like time has stopped. 3 weeks today..... I have so much to do, I am going to move in with my Mom to help with paying bills etc. I have my work, failing, I have my son - supportive (12yrs old). So I have to pack up my house, put into storage.... no partner just us. My Gran in UK is now sick, 84, my Mom wants to go over and support my Auntie.... It feels like one big mess! I cannot get anything done, I start then I think, then I get side tracked then I have achieved nothing.........

[Cairo]

Oh Nattie it is so hard for you.

Just when we need twice our strength and energy to deal with all the things we need to do, we find we have only half our strength and energy as we are exhausted with grief.

Just try to do a little bit at a time if you possibly can and try to look after yourself as best you can. Hugs xxx

[Karena]

Welcome to the forum . It is very early days yet and in those early days there is a great deal of shock to contend with as well as trying to do things that need to be done on a practical level. I wonder if you notify your clients it would help with the work situation maybe an email apologising and explaining the circumstances.People can be very understanding and prepared to wait for a job to be done.
One thing that helped me cope with practicality was to physically write a list,prioritise what absolutely has to be done most urgently by writing it in red then work through it focussing on one task at a time and cross it off. When its done.You will be surprised how quickly you can get through it but by doing that it and it may feel less of a mammoth mountain when its written down it makes your head feel less mashed than it is when you are trying to think of everything at once.

[nattylee]

 

My Mum is alone in the house my Dad died in. We have decided I will move in there with my son Jack. I am currently helping Mum tie up the sale of Dads tools, work items, stock, notifying insurance companies, sorted bank accounts, cell phone sold, accounts all notified.... she cannot do anything... I am also fast on my feet on the net, I can zip in and out of IT stuff fast and think on my feet. BUT I am very down. Just holding it together, being practical for her. My work is falling apart, piling up, then there is the move, packing, storing..... she then plans to go to UK to work (Dad was not rich)....

I feel like a robot. No feelings only able to feel when I cry for Dad and we do every day together and when I am alone.....

[Joann]

Sending  to you Nattylee

[nattylee]

Would it be better to move in sooner with Mom? I planned end of May but it is just so hard every night for her, for me... ???

[Karena]

That is very difficult to decide only you know the answer but i think the end of May is not such a long time away. If you need to pack everything up and sort whatever paperwork give notice or do whatever needs to be done to physically move. I wonder also if you would benefit from having some space for yourself for now.

A solution could be for you and Jack to move in earlier, with the minimum things you need, then if your home is not too far away you have space to pack up and  time out from being at your mums while you are doing it, and i wonder also whether if she spent some small periods of  time looking after Jack it would help her to see she is loved and needed.I know at 12 he isnt dependant but even so just making his tea or something might give her something to focus on, for me this was a big hurdle that i felt redundant and not having any purpose, doing things for him might give her that security of still being needed. Also it would make packing up easier because you wouldnt have to leave things out until the last minute that you use every day,so once you have what you need at your mums everything else can be packed and left in the box until you have the time to unpack later.

[Hubby]

Perhaps you could split your time between the houses until it's time to move in. Spenc a few days a week at your mums or perhaps weekends. I'm sure she would appreciate the company and you as well. 

[Soleil]

Hi nattylee,

I'm so sorry about the death of your father. I'm sure it's hard on everyone especially your mum. It must be some consolation to her knowing you are close by. Death has such an incredible impact on everyone. I will send a heartfelt hug while you get through this difficult time.