New user - lost my dad on 1st April

[rawareham]

Hi all,

Sorry to have to meet people in such sad circumstances.

I just lost my dad on 1st April. He was 60 and fit and healthy. He just went to bed one night and was never conscious again, apparently he had a massive brain hemmoraghe and wouldnt have suffered but Im really struggling to get my head round everything that happened.

I have a 4 year old son and a 4 month old baby so struggling to even find time to process what has happened. In the day Im distracted by the children  and busy caring for them, especially my young baby, that then when I put them to bed at night the floodgates just open.

I miss my dad so much and just want to talk to him one more time. I cant believe he is gone just like that.

xx

[Norma]

Welcome hun and im so sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you, i understand how hard it must be for you to try  and make sense of what happened all the questions you need answer for going round and round in your head, and not getting the chance to say goodbye.  Please keep talking to us hun there will always be soneone here for you xxx

 

[Hubby]

So sorry to hear of your tragic and sudden loss. 

[Karena]

  sorry to have to welcome you under such sad circumstances It is very early days yet and a shock,over time you will begin to make sense of it.Meanwhile we are here as long as you need us.

[Emz2014]

Sending a welcome hug  . I lost my dad suddenly just after his 59th birthday, its hard. Please keep talking with us it helps xx

[Joann]

Sending you lots of 

[rawareham]

I just dont know what will help at the moment. I am trying to be strong for my children but in the evenings I just dont know what to do or how to begin to accept what has happened.

[Pauline Mc]

Sorry to hear about the sudden loss of your Dad.  We have an evening chat room which you might want to try if you are finding evenings difficult - usually from 8pm onwards.  This really helped me in the early days.  Sending hugs xx

[Emz2014]

It takes time, take it in little steps. It can be quite a rollercoaster, and a bit of a shock to find it takes longer than we might have expected before we experienced a loss. 
There are different stages and emotions but they dont follow a simple path, and at times I really thought I was losing my mind.  Be gentle with yourself, keep talking.  Ive always found writing helped me, I have kept a diary for years.  You might find writing helps you, whether here or in private
Its painful, but it will get easier to cope in time  xx

[longedge]

I miss my dad so much and just want to talk to him one more time.

Hello rawareham, my condolences to you. Just go ahead and talk to him. You know what he would say in reply so, in a quiet moment have a conversation with him out loud. It's what I do and although I felt really stupid at first, I find when I'm really down it helps me to gather myself again. I'm not quite sure whether you are his son or daughter but that doesn't matter does it - I have two daughters and I know thery love me. When my time comes they'll be upset but I wish so much that I could make it easier for them. As time goes by and things get a little better make sure you talk often about your Dad with your children so that they get to know him 

[Soleil]

Hi rawareham

I can only echo what Emz2014 said. Grief goes at it's own pace. I have had a sudden loss with my father (heart attack suddenly in the morning) and a loss that occurred over time (6 months) with my mother. Neither is easy and both needed time for grieving but I think sudden losses are more tragic for the family but that is only my personal opinion. 

[Leigh]

Hi Rawareham

How awful to lose your Dad so suddenly. You're left with so much you would've liked to say, but to echo previous advice, say all the things you would've said had you been aware he would soon be gone. People on here have suggested putting together a memory book/box about my Mum for my 2 yr old and 9 week old. Maybe you would find that comforting, when you feel strong enough to do it. Sending warm wishes and.     xx

[nattylee]

Hi R

I sympathise totally with you. I lost my Dad 10th of March suddenly, he had cancer but was expected to live longer, he just stopped breathing one night. It has been 6 weeks today, no in fact. I am no further towards accepting it or feeling better at all than I was the first day. Just know it is totally normal to feel completely shaken, lost, alone, afraid and the pain of the void they leave behind is not even processable is it? I keep thinking my Dad will wander in and sit on the sofa and fiddle with the remotes like he did but nothing. Just Mum, my son and I rattling around with the dogs in the house.... Just not able to accept or process it myself. I dont think I am any help to you but I know that what we are going through is the same...grief, loss and utter sadness... I feel like life is just completely dull and lifeless now... Like you I want to figure this out but having a son and a life I have already almost lost it all.... I tend to not put the world first but only do what I need to to survive.... I hope you can find time to sit and take this in, take in the loss....grieve, it is the best way for us to come through this... We will never get over this but we will learn to live with it. So I have been told many times now. I send all my love and prayers to you x
 

[rawareham]

Thank you all for your replies. Its now been 26 days since my dad died. We had his funeral on Friday, it was awful. I did manage to read a tribute with my sisters which I am glad I did for him.

I just dont know what to do with myself really. I can cope in the day when I have my boys (nearly 4 and 4 months) but even then I feel like Im on autopilot and just randomly burst into tears at any point? My husband is great but its so hard.

Today I took some of the flowers from my dads funeral and laid them on the grave of my nephew and niece who both passed away as babies (my sister in law lost her son aged 1, 4 years ago, and then a daughter at 3 months, 2 years later). I looked at their grave and I know that if she can continue with her life with her eldest daughter then there is definitely a way and in time there must be hope because what she has been through is so horrendous.

But right now I feel lost and every time I think about NEVER seeing my dad ever again I feel like Im going to lose it. I can hear his voice when I close my eyes perfectly.

Im so sorry to meet people on here and Im sorry for each and every one of the losses that you are experiencing. I know that no two peoples grief is the same but I hope I can support some of you as you are supporting me with these messages.

I just still cant understand how someone is fine and then just gone. It breaks my heart to think of everything he will miss. Our loved ones deserve so much more.

xx