Supporting Mum

[nattylee]

Hi chaps. Dad has been gone 6 weeks. I have my own grief to deal with but I would like help with helping my Mum. She lost her life partner. They met when she was 17 and been together ever since. I support my Mum daily and am always there, I do all I can but I just do not know what to say to help her through the pain of him being gone, vanished in a way... it is as if he will walk back in the door again at some point... but he will not. He died suddenly and although he had cancer and we knew he would eventually leave us he died a painful death and it has left scars on my mothers mind and along with missing him I just do not know the words to use..... there is not getting better, moving on... you do not move on you only learn to live with it... so please, help me help her?

[pennyking]

Just keep being there for her, when you can.  You don't have to say anything, a hug for no reason can be enough, just because you want to give her a hug, words are not always necessary.  Sending you hugs also. Penny x
 

[nattylee]

 :candle:Thanks Penny it just does not seem enough....? I think because I am grieving too I feel I am not strong enough for her too? It is so sad to think that, she is one of the rare ones, she had a life with someone many of us just have not achieved yet... 45 years.... with one person... Nowadays people move in and out of relationships. They were like swans. So it is also incredibly sad to know a relationship, a bond was cut short....too soon.

[longedge]

My condolences nattylee. I can't add anything to what PennyKing has said because she's got it absolutely right - a hug and a kiss and don't struggle for words.

[nattylee]

  Thank you. I guess I am looking for answers that just are not there. God Bless x

[Emz2014]

Hi nattylee, I noticed your emoticons were not working so had a look - when you see the wording come up make sure there is a space after it and then in your post you will see the picture instead of words 

I cant add anything to what Penny has said, just being there will help, letting her know you are there to talk if she wants, or just to be there xx

[nattylee]

    

[pennyking]

There are no words that can comfort unfortunately.  Even me now after 5 years of losing my husband I wish others around me could understand how hard it still is.  And sometimes a hug is all it takes from them to give me some comfort that they are there for me.  Take care. X

[Leigh]

So sorry for the grief you and your Mum are going through. Is it too painful to talk about your Dad with her at the moment? If not, maybe just reminisce about the happy times, and any humourous moments. Share stories, reminding each other of special times. What I did a week after my Mum's funeral (Tuesday just gone) was lit candles, got all her photos out, and the order of service and played the songs from the funeral,then read aloud a poem I'd written for her. Of course it was upsetting but I'm glad I did it. Maybe you could light a candle for him and just sit quietly, put a memory box/book together or visit a favourite place of his, watch one of his favourite films. Maybe all these suggestions are too much at this stage. I know grief can make you feel very alone. No one has contacted me since the day after Mum's funeral, like its all over and done with now the funeral is past. I'm sure just having you around must be of some comfort for your Mum. Don't be too hard on yourself, this isn't something you can fix and must be incredibly hard for you to not only be going through the emotions of losing Dad yourself but seeing your Mum suffering. I really hope both of you can laugh again some day xxx

[Hubby]

Hi nattylee.

I unfortunately find myself in the same position as your mum having lost my partner of 33 years. While I am sure you wish you could find the words to take away your mothers pain I honestly don't think those words exist. We each take a different path in our grief and it is s journey we make alone. Having people to support us along the way helps. Just being there for your mum when she needs you is the most you can do. As she should be there for you.

 

[Norma]

Hi Nattylee, my heart goes out to you hun, as i know my son struggled with knowing how to deal with my grief over losing my hubby suddenly after being together 51 years, we had been married 48 year when he passed, just be there for her hun, and like others have said a hug is sometimes enough, but never ever be afraid to talk about your dad to her, because if shes like  me she will welcome it, because after a little while family and friends dont talk about your loss anymore for fear of hurting you, and Nattylee both you and your mum have a very strong bond because of both of yours love for a very special person who you both shared your lives with (((hugs))) xxx