Author Topic: New today - Hi  (Read 2039 times)

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Offline chrhow

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New today - Hi
« on: May 01, 2018, 01:32:30 PM »
Lost my wife and best friend 51 days ago. Just waiting for a bus to come Home and had a massive bleed on her brain. Dead as soon as it happened . Just 56 , been together since 15 years old. Totally and utterly lost without her.

Feel terrible barely coping. Off to Doctors to try get some help.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: New today - Hi
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2018, 07:15:31 PM »
Sending a welcome hug  :hug:  it's a hard rollercoaster but you're not alone here xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Lost675

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Re: New today - Hi
« Reply #2 on: May 02, 2018, 12:13:06 AM »
I lost my husband on 8 January, also to a massive bleed on the brain, he was 50. We went to bed as normal and when I woke up I found he had died during the night sometime. I am promised by the doctors it would have been instant. So hard to believe someone can die so instantly and without any warnings. I stayed in denial for some time but then I found a few counselling sessions helped me talk my feeling through without worrying about upsetting anyone. As time has gone by friends and family have gone back to their lives but time goes slower for us, I find dipping in and out of this forum helps knowing there are other people on this path too and I'm not alone. Hope this forum helps you in some way too.

Offline Karena

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Re: New today - Hi
« Reply #3 on: May 02, 2018, 12:08:53 PM »
Welcome to the forum i hope your GP is able to offer you something, i also found counselling helped as did being here. Nothing can take away the pain or the lost and lonely feelings but some things can help us cope with it a bit better. :hug:

Offline chrhow

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Re: New today - Hi
« Reply #4 on: May 02, 2018, 06:27:48 PM »
Thanks , for replies people. GP visit disappointing all cliche. 10 years ago I survived Bowl Cancer and loss of kidney , my wife help me through , to die on me how cruel can life get.

Offline Karena

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Re: New today - Hi
« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2018, 11:57:38 AM »
 :hug: very cruel.-this was the second time being widowed for me  and some-one else who was also in the same position said we must have done something really bad in a former life - and without really thinking my mouth opened and i said -if we believe that then surely we must also believe that maybe we only ever had them as a reward for something good in a former life - maybe we were given the privalege of having them in our lives at all, because we were the best people for them to spend their last days in this life with. So i try and stick too that idea -would i rather never have had them in my life -no of course not,because to love and be loved back is a very special thing to be given.
Doesnt always work on the very bad days or when people treat you like the black widow, but it helps to remember that we did at least have that time, no matter how long or short it was.

I think Gp,s sometimes dont have the answers we want because we are not ready to be able to benefit from it yet.,51 days feels like a lifetime of pain,and we want the pain to stop we want to function again -and at the same time we dont because to laugh, to go out to continue in life without them not only seems impossible but a betrayal. Its a confusing emotional roller coaster.What we want more than anything is for them to come back.

If you liken it too a physical problem -say you lose a leg -you want it back you want your life back,but thats not possible,so you lie in a bed for weeks, then you start to move around a bit sit in the chair get to the loo,then maybe you get physio, a wheel chair,crutches and eventually a prosthetic,-but you are still not going to be running a marathon for a long time to come -the prosthetic is uncomfortable it can rub cause further problems and set you back weeks.The difference with grief of course is you cant see it and neither can anyone else  -so you forget to be as kind too yourself as you would with a physical injury and try and jump the stages, speed the process up.I know Cruse bereavement counselling allows a period of time before it begins, so back too the physical comparison thats the period before they start the physio, because to do it sooner wouldnt be the right time.We simply cant jump stages and i think accepting that with grief as we would with physical injury is itself a big step forward.

Have a look at the Cruse website -they have different services in different areas, and if things get really bad, you would by no means be the first or last here to phone the samaritans.
But keep coming back and keep talking here, just the act of writing can help sort things into some kind of sense, because to write we have to be able to do it in sentances, but we will be here as long as you need us to be.Answers might not be instant but we will always answer.

Offline chrhow

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Re: New today - Hi
« Reply #6 on: May 04, 2018, 10:26:34 PM »
Another hard day, collected my wife's ashes. there just sitting on the coffee table , no idea what I'm going to do with them.

Offline Lost675

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Re: New today - Hi
« Reply #7 on: May 04, 2018, 11:49:15 PM »
It's such a bizarre and devastating feeling, being passed a box with your loved one's name on it. I still have my husband's, I know what I need to do but haven't been able to find the strength yet. I think we don't need to do anything until we feel we find that strength, if ever.

Offline stephenpaul

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Re: New today - Hi
« Reply #8 on: May 05, 2018, 01:40:11 PM »
Another hard day, collected my wife's ashes. there just sitting on the coffee table , no idea what I'm going to do with them.

I will be in the same position in a few days time. I will keep some of them with me, along with scattering in a Church she loved and some in the countryside which she always adored.

Just think of what she would have wanted.

Offline chrhow

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Re: New today - Hi
« Reply #9 on: May 05, 2018, 01:44:35 PM »
Her favourite place was probably Santa Ponsa in Mallorca. I'll never go there again now. I'm holding onto in house for a bit , saving to buy a plot in Cemetery if there such a thing

Offline GHOST

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Re: New today - Hi
« Reply #10 on: May 05, 2018, 08:26:33 PM »
I
« Last Edit: November 15, 2022, 06:03:51 PM by GHOST »