Recent loss and feel terrible

[mike59]

Hello Alan sorry for your Loss, I too Lost my wonderful Wife in Febuary 2016 I am heartbroken feel just like you as long after as this it takes time Alan, I am not one of these people who says time will tell because i hate that expression,Im also going through another bad time with my Father who I Love to pieces I know he is 95 years but I had a wonderful childhood and I was so lucky I had super and Loving parents so my father is very dear to me I think it could be days, even though it sounds rather bad me saying this. But loosing my Father when it happens I know it will not have such a intense effect on me I suppose because it is expected in some way, but the answer to your question Alan is its how you feel and except or not the situation, we are all individuals and very different in many ways, as Im sure like some here they feel as I do I will Never find anyone to replace or even be where my Wife was as my partner or otherwise, sorry for Rambling on its been a while since ive posted because I just havent felt like it Like you all I have not just good and bad days I have bad moments which start from the simplest of things,  chatting like this does me some good when or if I can bring myself to answer posts I Read them all Every day, god bless you all I Hope you all  have Good days and nights .

                                                                                                                        ...Mike

[alan2273]

Thank you Mike, no one will ever replace my wife but hopefully some day i will be able to move on.

[longedge]

Alan you need to get through the next couple of months in whatever way you can and then I think you can start taking stock of your situation. There'll be moments when you think that maybe you're 'improving' , and they'll be quickly followed by plunges back into the black abyss. The best we can hope for is that in time we can get used to and learn to live with our 'new normal'. I still have days, sometimes many days on end when I'm gripped by overwhelming grief but if I'm honest I am improving. I just accept that for the time being, this is how it is.

It's strange how we continue to talk to our loved ones. I felt very self-conscious about it at first even though I was on my own  . I used to be in trouble all the time for not talking but my answer was always that I already knew what Chris was going to say and it was true, we had no need to speak, we both knew exactly what was going through the other's mind. Now when it's too late, I talk to her  .

[alan2273]

The last two days have not been so bad but tonight I can not sleep, it is 3 AM and I am still wide awake even though I feel absolutely drained. 

[Julie Magson]

Can you catch up on your sleep during the day at all Alan. Everything seems much worse at that time of the morning doesn't it? If it's any help I was wide awake then too and just staring out of the bedroom window.

[longedge]

I stopped concerning myself about the time of day in relation to sleeping some time ago Alan. Suppose I'm lucky in that I'm retired and only have myself to consider but I just sleep when I'm tired and bumble about the house and garden when I'm not. I know the most stupid thing anyone can say to someone who is worried is, "Don't worry about it", but I'll say it anyway 

At one stage I went to the GP's and got some tablets to help me sleep but I felt worse using them to force myself to sleep than I did before I had them. Other people have had better results taking sleeping tablets and it's certainly worth going to see your GP to discuss the pros and cons.

[Julie Magson]

Or maybe try something herbal like Nytol or Kalms?

[alan2273]

Thanks for all your suggestions but I will give the sleeping tablets and a visit to the GP a miss for the time being.
I will see how it goes after the funeral.

[Julie Magson]

Okay- that's fair enough. 

[colin]

Alan,Welcome to this wonderful helpful forum you have recieved some great words of support in your hour of grieve,I like you lost the love of my life on 9th April this year,we would have been married 52yrs in Oct,like the members have said it will not get easier but what you will find is that you will gradually learn to cope with your loss,you will cry for your loved one,that is natural.Again like you all I have in my life is my Son and family who I don't see every day but I know he is there for me.When I am on my own I feel so lost and lonely,Itry and occupy my time as much as possible,this seems to help a little.I am looking at doing a hobby in airgun shooting where I will meet other people and make friends.When i first found this forum Norma said some very wise words to me  and that is take baby steps one day at a time. Hope my posting helps you in some small way, stay strong.
                                                                 Best Wishes
                                                                              Colin

[Hubby]

I went through a period of not sleeping, or eating, in the early days. I did eventually get some sleeping tablets from the doctor. They didn't always work and sometimes seemed to keep me in a bit of a stupor when I was awake but they did help me get through that phase.

I know they aren't ideal but needs must.

Take care

[alan2273]

I have just been looking through some old photographs of when we used to dance in the senior amateurs, so I thought I would put one up as my avatar.
I have nearly gone all day without a tear, but still feel so lonely.
This forum seems very slow today.

[longedge]

I'm sure you'll have many happy memories from your 'dancing days' to comfort you. I was always a big disappointment to Chris. My being in possession of two left feet was something I didn't declare before we got married 

[alan2273]

I still have all the sympathy cards on the mantle piece, after 18 days, is this normal or should I put them away somewhere.
I thought I was doing well, I have hardly cried for the last two days but an old friend got in touch today and it all came flooding back and I feel so alone again.

[Hubby]

I had the cards up for quite a while  Definitely more than a month and possibly quite a bit longer. I still have them in a cupboard but I don't know why. Reading them is so upsetting.

You'll have those ups and downs for quite a while. Just as you think your doing well, bang, you realise your not. Over time it does get easier to cope but sometimes the improvement is so subtle you don't even notice it. I cannot go for days without crying (except for bedtime) but still have lousy days.

Take care.