Author Topic: Coming up to a year  (Read 3391 times)

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Offline Hubby

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Coming up to a year
« on: February 12, 2017, 10:31:32 PM »
It's almost eleven months since I lost my beautiful wife, Margaret. I've got a lot of firsts in the next month.

First Valentine's Day, that's had me going already. The first anniversary of Margarets birthday and, of course, the first anniversary of the day she fell ill and the day she died.

I've just had a week that started terribly with me crying my eyes out in work. It has slowly picked up but here have been some major meltdowns. This morning I was destroyed when a flower arrangement I ordered for Valentine's Day turned up and wasn't anything like what I thought it would be like. I wanted a large heart of red roses, what I got was a small heart of mainly greenery with some roses dotted around in it. They haven't even put ribbon round the edge of the oasis and it looks really tacky and thrown together.

I just wanted something really nice for my first Valentine's Day without her.

Offline longedge

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2017, 01:14:08 PM »
Hi Hubby - as you know, I'm just that bit ahead of you and I can say that for me without exception the anticipation of every single 'first anniversary' has been far worse than the day itself. I'm certainly not saying that it's the same for all of us but now I've got all those firsts behind me I can't help wondering what the subsequent ones will be like - will I always dread them before they arrive or will they become an aid to my failing memory  :rolleyes:

I now function very welll on a day to day basis but in quiet moments when I'm reminiscing I wonder if my memories are becoming selective, you know like how you remember your childhood - days were longer, the summer holidays lasted for ever, the weather was hot and sunny every day, a stick of rhubarb and a spoonful of sugar in a cup was tasted good etc etc.

I hope your forthcoming 'firsts' are like mine were - nowhere near as bad as you thought they were going to be  :smiley:.
---------------------------------------------
I'll never get over losing her but,
one day I might learn to live with it.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline Karena

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2017, 07:50:56 PM »
 :hug:its the thought that counts hubby.I can't help thinking is she had been hare the pair of you would have had a little chuckle over the tacky flowers.she would have known that it wasn't your intention.Sadly in a cynical world we live in people do commercialise these days and rip people off.roses will be half the price on the fifteenth. It cant be the valentines tradition here either roses dont bloom in february here.
I think a single red rose speaks as loudly as a dozen,or here,s and idea if you're not at work go to the garden centre and buy a rose plant then there will always be roses.you will know the tree was a valentines present and it will bloom in summer when all these  horrid anniversarys are over.

Offline Hubby

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2017, 10:11:21 PM »
Thanks for the replies. I hope the upcoming firsts aren't as bad as I imagine because I am imagining them to be pretty unbearable. Like you George I have found that things I expect to be bad aren't as bad as I imagine beforehand while I am taken unawares by things I never expected to be upsetting.

I went round a few florists but it's too late to get anything made. I did manage to get some bits and pieces though and my mother-in-law has managed to spruce up the heart with some white flowers and red ribbon. If Margaret were here the 'florist' would be treated to a tirade if abuse that would make a docker blush.

Bad start to today. When I woke my radio was playing 'band if gold' by Freda Payne. I've never really paid any attention to the lyrics before but it had me going a bit. Luckily I was rushed off my feet in work which kept me distracted. I haven't done much tonight since coming in but I did have a video chat with someone before doing a bit of reading for a job tomorrow.

I'm going to drop the heart off at Margarets gravevon the way in to work. I've got a few hours of downtime to get myself together afterwards if I need to.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2017, 07:44:27 AM »
Sending a hug for today hubby  :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2017, 07:59:30 PM »
 :hug:thinking of you.today.
Band of gold is a song I used to love I still do I guess,but I know what you mean about the words.My moment of the day was an Adele song,not the one from the funeral,can you feel my love,but one from the next album that was played over and over just after he died.Never mind I,all find someone like you.I knew then I wouldn't and I know it still.tears were shed over the computer this morning but I don't think anyone noticed.I do seem to be taking giant leaps backwards at the moment if I,m honest with myself.

Offline Hubby

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #6 on: February 14, 2017, 09:28:59 PM »
Thanks for the thoughts.

I got up early and dropped the flowers off. I needed every minute of the downtime to get over it. Lovey dovey stuff on the radio all day didn't help. Definitely a tough day to get through.

This does seem to be getting harder. I'm sure I was feeling better than this before Christmas. Maybe it's the effects of the longer nights and wil improve as days get longer. I do hope so.

Offline Karena

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2017, 07:25:47 PM »
I hope so too .I saw snowdrops open today and it is staying lighter just a little longer.

Offline Rosaleen

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #8 on: February 16, 2017, 05:05:37 PM »
I usually only put the radio on in the car. The second I hear orchestral music which is in any way sad, or lyrics in a song about love or that reminding meof what Ive lost, I go to another station or failing that turn it off altogether
It's the only way for me.

Offline longedge

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #9 on: February 16, 2017, 07:40:32 PM »
I have spotify running most of the time when I'm on the computer and almost all of the tracks on my play list hold some 'significance' for me. It's odd how their effect is different at different times of the day. I'll whistle along to a tune during the day time whilst the same track makes me crumple late at night???
---------------------------------------------
I'll never get over losing her but,
one day I might learn to live with it.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline Hubby

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #10 on: February 16, 2017, 10:38:05 PM »
My counsellor suggested getting comedy CDs and putting them on in the van instead of listening to the radio. I like listening to radio 4 as there is some interesting stuff but sometimes the topic can be a bit upsetting. I popped into a charity shop but the only comedy CD was John Bishop and I can't stand him so I got a selection of music CDs for a pound each and now I pop one of them on when I don't like what is on.

It was counselling day yesterday and I think it's not going anywhere now or more it's going round in circles. I feel a bit better then I get upset again. I'm a lot better than when I started counselling (on a good day) but nothing seems to stop grief making unwanted appearances at regular intervals I think the counselling should probably stop perhaps after the one year anniversary.

Work has been fine. No real problems. Even today when I was planned in for an easy day shadowing a contractor but instead found myself in the middle of a major power failure I coped with the pressure. I've also managed to stop worrying so much about all the day to day stuff and stop it getting on top of me.

How long this will last I do not know. I might have another meltdown tomorrow, maybe in a week, a month, maybe never.

Offline longedge

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #11 on: February 17, 2017, 11:54:37 AM »
Comedy CD's sounds like a good suggestion  :smiley:. I always meant to get the Terry Wogan "John and Jane" stories but never got around to it. We used to listen to Terry in the mornings without fail and very often the stories reduced me to tears (of laughter).
---------------------------------------------
I'll never get over losing her but,
one day I might learn to live with it.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline Karena

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #12 on: February 17, 2017, 08:16:12 PM »
I do miss Terry in the mornings.Now I have hand poised to hit the off button as soon as the news ends I can't stand the jingles,nor the inane drivel.Unfortunately if I miss the cue or the button which is frequent,the first words out of my mouth each day are not words I would use publicly.I do wonder if swearing first thing every morning is good for the soul.
Hubby maybe ask the councillor rather than just quoting,but there isn't a silver bullet counselling helps but there isn't a cure,going round in circles up and down is very normal for all of us.

Offline longedge

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #13 on: February 17, 2017, 08:44:47 PM »
After my last post I went to YouTube and did a search for "Terry Wogan Janet and John" - and then spent the next hour and a half creased up laughing (mostly at Terry laughing). I'd forgotten how much I miss him on the radio but then I forget most things nowadays   :smiley:.
---------------------------------------------
I'll never get over losing her but,
one day I might learn to live with it.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline Karena

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #14 on: February 18, 2017, 07:44:48 PM »
Not forgetting his wit and humour that made Eurovision watchable. :rofl:

How are you today hubby ?