Father passed away 13th March 2017

[Tippyjj]

I'm so sorry to everyone who has lost a loved one. Before I lost my Dad I knew that when someone lost a loved one it was extremely sad however it never prepared me for the real feelings you feel when it happens to you. A mixture of emotions. The one that is really confusing is feeling blank, no emotion for a good few hours. What I really struggle with is how life around you has to carry on at its usual fast pace. Does anyone here wish that they could have had more time to grieve before feeling the pressures of going back to work. I'm not coping well and am making small mistakes there and only a few people really understand. Thanks for reading. Sorry if this is long.

[Norma]

Welcome Tippyjj, Sending you a welcome

   

[Tippyjj]

Thank you Norma :)

[Norma]

Youre welcome Tippyjj, i hope you can find some comfort being amongst the group x

 

[Emz2014]

Sending a welcome hug 

I felt that, life continues at a pace when you just want to stop time for a bit.  Going back to work is tough but for me also gave some structure - kept structure to the day, to get up and do something that could distract for a percentage of the time. Some days I didn't want to be there at all, but in general it was in its way helpful on the journey.   Luckily I had a supportive boss who let me take a break here or there when things would overwhelm me and also let me work from home a bit more, which was useful when I would randomly burst into tears.  Is your manager understanding?  Perhaps they can agree a slower pace for you, or longer timescales? It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't lost a loved one how our brains just don't seem to function the same during grief - and grief isn't just a couple of weeks xx

[Tippyjj]

I can already see how supportive you all are so thanks Norma.  Hi Emz2014. Glad that work had some benefits for you. And it must have helped with how understanding your boss has been. I work on a team with my manager and he has shown real kindness, a girl who is nice enough however she really applied pressure on me to complete so many tasks that in the end my head was in so much pain I got home and felt so sick I had to lay down until the paracetamol had worked that I took. When I told her she hardly acknowledged me and applied the same pressure again. Sadly the other girl I work with lost her Dad just days after my Dad however she said she feels ok and can't understand why she feels ok, she jokes around with everyone and gets on with her work as usual. Of course I know this will one day catch up with her but she is much younger and said where her Dad lived abroad she didn't see him all the time. So I feel like the same is expected from me.

[Newbie_F]

Hi Tippy. I lost my Dad 1 month and 1 day before you and despite having felt a range of emotions I do feel numb, which is normal so don't worry. I'm unemployed at the moment but today I got an invitation for an interview next week. A part of me wants some normality and routine but another part of me dreads not only the interview but the thought of working. I feel pressure on myself because I don't like the fact I don't have a job - people assume you're lazy. I'm getting anxiety knowing I want to make my dad proud with this stepping stone into my career path. I hope it works out for both of us

[Tippyjj]

Hey Newbie _F, I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. Do you have good family and friends around who you find supportive? With regards to work and feeling good the pressure just remember it is still early days since you lost your Dad. And anyone that judges you for being lazy in my opinion isn't being fair especially at this time but they should never judge as we all have different ways of keeping busy. I have two children and never sit down until 10pm at night even in my days off so just because someone isn't working in an employed or self employed role doesn't mean they are lazy. I can imagine your Dad was proud of you for who you are. I know I'm proud of both my children and not for their achievements but because I love that they both have completely different personalities. I really hope your interview goes well but also feel for you that you are feeling this pressure on top of losing your Dad. I hope things work out ok too. Lots of hugs sent your way :)