Author Topic: My mum has died.  (Read 1893 times)

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Offline Runaway

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My mum has died.
« on: April 21, 2017, 06:25:52 PM »
My mum died 6 days ago and I was with her when she went.  It was expected, she had cancer, but I think I am in total shock.  Spent first 5 days not having a clue how I should feel and went about the days without crying or showing any real emotion. Yesterday I  felt a bit panicky (new feeling for me) about going to an appointment I had.  Still went and ended up having a bit of a breakdown (not sure how else to describe it really).  The person I was with was fantastic and afterwards I was exhausted.  I was terrified however of going home.   It felt like I could express myself for the first time in nearly a week in a safe environment, and at home I put on a mask for my husband and children.  I talk to them about stuff but am so worried about not upsetting them and making sure they are ok that I think I am not letting my own feelings out.

I feel sad, lonely, angry, the list goes one!  How is  it possible to feel all these things at once?!  I just want to run away from it all.  I need time for me I guess but feel selfish for wanting it.   Didn't expect to feel like I do, but then how would I have known how I would feel. 

So hello all!

Offline Emz2014

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Re: My mum has died.
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2017, 07:12:45 PM »
Sending a welcome hug  :hug:  grief is a total rollercoaster of emotions.  You are amongst people who understand here and it's a safe place to talk xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: My mum has died.
« Reply #2 on: April 22, 2017, 06:25:01 PM »
You arnt wrong,you probably are in shock,many of us are in the first days,and yes pain,anger and guilt,even when there is nothing to feel guilty for are all part of grief.I understand you don't want to upset your husband and especially children,but the children are probably upset anyway,and its quite OK for you to explain to them that you feel sad.Not now,as its such early days,but one thing people do find helpful is to create a memory box with the children,put photos in or get them to draw pictures etc.In doing that they get the message that its OK to talk about her,and you start to remember the whole of her life not just the end of it,and its those happier memory's that in the end,carry you through.Even if the children are too young,its something you can show them when they are older so they will know who she was and carry those memory's forward.As Emz said we are here ,and will be for as long as you need us.

Offline Julia

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Re: My mum has died.
« Reply #3 on: April 22, 2017, 07:29:37 PM »
 :hug:  Sending you hugs! Mothers play essential part in our lives, so it is only natural to feel like you've lost a big part of yourself together her. You have the right to feel the way you feel and you can allow yourself to take care of yourself, let yourself feel the pain and do what you instinctively want to do. I believe your husband will be able to understand you and support you the best way he can.

It's just the second month for me since I've lost my partner and I am still confused and feeling detached from the world, I know grieving is a very personal thing, but it surely is difficult for everyone going through it. We are here to listen to you, help you and support you! You are not alone  :hug: