Author Topic: Going back to work  (Read 3626 times)

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Offline Badger55

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Going back to work
« on: April 07, 2017, 11:28:31 AM »
I just thought that I would share my experience of going back to work in case it might help others.

My partner died suddenly six weeks ago this coming Tuesday.  I was allowed eight days compassionate leave and then went back to work.  At first I was completely befuddle about my job.  I just simply could not remember what to do and had extreme difficulty in taking in anything anyone said to me.  I was also extremely tearful, as can be imagined.

Because I work a long way from where I live, I am allowed to work 2 to 3 days per week from home.  However, on those days all I could manage was to send the odd email and the rest of the time just sit there staring at my PC.

The funeral was this Monday gone and I got compassionate leave for that plus the Tuesday.  I was then down to run a two-day training course on the Wednesday and Thursday.  My line manager had arranged cover for my, just in case I was unable to do it.  I was also very anxious about whether I would be able to do it as well, along with anxiety about being able to do my job in the future.  However, I managed to deliver the course and felt that my work brain has thankfully returned, although still feeling very shell shocked when I was alone.

I still feel shell shocked by what has happened, but am hoping that keeping busy with work might help me.  I know that it is still very early days for me.

With much love
Badger xxx

Offline Karena

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Re: Going back to work
« Reply #1 on: April 07, 2017, 07:51:28 PM »
 :hug:I,m glad it went OK for you.It is as you say early days.

Offline Badger55

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Re: Going back to work
« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2017, 09:19:25 AM »
Thanks Karena.  Still in shock and cannot take in what has happened just yet.

Much love
Badger  xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Going back to work
« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2017, 07:07:02 PM »
 :hug: when I went back to work I found myself a little sobbing spot out of sight,and went for long walks in lunch breaks to try and clear my head.But I also made silly mistakes initially.Luckily there was no comeback.

Offline Badger55

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Re: Going back to work
« Reply #4 on: April 09, 2017, 12:32:17 PM »
Hi Karena

Thank you for your support.  How long is it since you were bereaved?  I am finding weekends terribly difficult alone.

Badger xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Going back to work
« Reply #5 on: April 09, 2017, 07:04:05 PM »
Six years for me.But weekends were really difficult,sometimes still can be especially in winter.I used to dread Friday nights going through the front door but I had my dog then so there was at least a welcome,and I could go back out for a walk.Lost him last summer so I am demotivated on the walk now.But I also made an effort to make Friday night treat night.Whether that's a long bubbly bath and music,chocolate,a film.Anything really to make it something to blunt the impact a bit.Sometimes I would go off camping,I had to move house and the garden here hadn't been touched for years so that took up weekend days whenever the weather allowed,it still does take a lot of my time up.My husband used to love sitting next to the pond at our old house so I recreated that here.I also drove to some of our favourite places and planted native daffodils and other wild plants as tribute too him.
I think the key is to plan.To do the planting required researching what I could plant where without upsetting ecosystems, planning a route,calculating if I would need a stop over.Taking food working out a new configuration for our little campervan that I could manage as I couldn't put the awning up on my own.Because I was doing it for him it made me more determined to overcome the main obstacles to getting out mainly my lack of confidence.There were times I pulled over thinking I would just like to turn round and hide away,but then made myself keep going.
More recently i,ve been doing online courses.Futurelearn does free ones If there is nothing going on at the weekend I still sometimes get the sick Friday night dread and find myself lingering before getting home but its nothing like as bad as it used to be.

Offline Badger55

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Re: Going back to work
« Reply #6 on: April 10, 2017, 04:19:45 PM »
Thanks for sharing your experience with me Karena.  It makes me feel less alone in all of this.

When I get in from work it is usually late, so I turn on the lights and the TV (just for some background noise) and make myself something to eat and drink.  I have a cat who is also always pleased to see me, so that helps.

Fridays were always our TFI Friday day after our respective working weeks.  I think I can still celebrate Friday on my own and look forward to seeing folks at the gym on Saturday and Sunday morning (some of who have also lost partners, so I feel amongst friends there).  Sunday afternoons I dread and feel very lonesome then.  Maybe in the future I will find an activity to occupy me during the weekend down times.

 :hearts:

Offline Hubby

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Re: Going back to work
« Reply #7 on: April 16, 2017, 12:10:27 AM »
I stayed off work for months Badger and I was sorry I did. Sitting in the house thinking did me no favours and it was only when I returned to work that I managed to distract myself. Like you it was hard to concentrate at first and can still be at times but I cope a lot better in work than at home where I just cannot get motivated. Weekends are particularly hard.

Offline Badger55

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Re: Going back to work
« Reply #8 on: April 24, 2017, 05:33:47 PM »
Today has been my first day at work where I have been able to function and do my job.  I cannot believe how something as simple and mundane as that has cheered me up a bit.  Feel like I might be somewhere on my journey of coming to terms with my new 'normal'.  Still taking each day as it comes though.

Much love to all
Badger xxx

Offline Karena

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Re: Going back to work
« Reply #9 on: April 24, 2017, 06:02:11 PM »
Well done,you are justified in being proud of that,every achievement even something you might have thought before was mundane is a step forward,and yes sometimes it might feel like you're stepping back,but that's fine too because at least now you know forward is possible.

Offline Badger55

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Re: Going back to work
« Reply #10 on: April 24, 2017, 08:48:09 PM »
Thanks Karena.  I never thought that I would be able to do my job again after what happened and the effect it has had on me.  I was worried that if I couldn't do my job, that I would lose it.  I felt so, so vulnerable about that because I am now on my own financially.  Today has been a good day for me.  I am sure there will be many that are not so good, but today is a positive start.