Sending you a welcome hug too
He will always remain in your life, love never goes away. I lost my partner Feb 22nd and I'm very uncertain what my mind and heart will come up with, it's a pure devastating mess in there, but I'm holding onto the thought that my love for him and beautiful memories will never abandon me.
You've spent so many years with him, it's ok to take as much time as you need to feel the way you feel, it's ok to feel like everything is pointless. He loved you and still loves you, just the shape of it all is different, and you must be a lovable, caring person - joy will slowly come back to your life, perhaps life will teach you some new ways to enjoy it with time. Be patient and kind to yourself
you are not alone