Hello all,
I was directed to this group via a cancer support group following the death of my ex partner Luca. I signed up here & even introduced myself - then haven't really been back here since then.
Luca was young. in his mid 50s (I am 47) & we were together for 8 years (my longest relationship) remaining close after we broke up in 2006. On March the 1st 2017 he was diagnosed with metastasised lung cancer - he died on August 21st.
I went through so much - too much to write in an introduction...it is all still so painful - I still cry (am now) and think & dream about him frequently...I plan to go and see his tomb on the 6 month anniversary of his death...although I haven't really wanted to go there, feeling 'he isn't there'...I keep in contact with his family - went to see his elderly mother a few weeks ago - that makes me feel more connected to him...
There was a lot of pain and drama around what happened to him - esp with his family - lots of secrets & lies which was awful...
I am lucky: I have dear friends & a loving family (in the UK though, I live in Rome) - and of late I have done some writing, just a little, not like me at all, but can't afford therapy & thought it would be a good way to get in touch with my feelings. One thing I have felt quite strongly is that I don't want to get so wrapped up in my pain that I don't appreciate what I DO have here and now - does that make sense... I would have to say Luca is the closest person I have lost so far in life...we had a difficult relationship, but there was a deep love and care underneath all the conflict - for me he was like a brother...he was always there for me - I could write more about this, there is a lot more to say...but again, maybe for another time...
Anyway - I am not really sure how things work in this group - but felt that maybe it could be time to come back and try again here... Is it just message boards?
Any tips you can give me on how to use this would be appreciated.
Many thanks,
Emma