Author Topic: Is it just me?  (Read 3122 times)

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Offline Fleur

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Is it just me?
« on: October 04, 2017, 07:57:39 PM »
I know there are many elements and stages associated with grief and they don't necessarily run in any kind of order, I accept that.
I also fully accept that some people just don't know what to say to the newly bereaved.
What I really struggle with though is when people say: "You're doing so well."
Is it just me that finds that so irksome?
Do they really not see how much energy it takes to get through a day without breaking down?
This too shall pass.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Is it just me?
« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2017, 08:43:38 PM »
If they havent lost anyone themselves its hard for them to truly understand.  I think sometimes we get used to wearing a mask out and about, we look like we're coping really well but could be really struggling inside.  I know I did, sometimes its hard to let that guard down as its one of the things keeping it all together  :hearts: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Is it just me?
« Reply #2 on: October 05, 2017, 12:19:39 PM »
 :hug:yes it is irksome,and i like to think its  because they want us to be doing well and not just for their own sakes, but for ours, - and no how can they see us struggle when the more they tell us that the more expert we get at trying to live up too it. But i try to always remember they mean well, and irksome is better than watching them change direction to avoid any conversation with you, which also happens.

Also i think we become perhaps a bit  over sensative to what people say. When i went back to work my boss was banging on about a marital dispute over the colour of their kitchen units it all seemed so trivial and  it is trivial we know that now,  but did we before.
Then, in a charity shop i overheard two women disussing their "nuisance" husbands being best kept away from shopping, and feeling so unreasonably angry i wanted to scream at them. Instead i left the shop and took a very brisk walk. Afterwards,when i thought about it from a calmer perspective
A they didnt know about me.
B they wernt talking too me.
C they wernt actually saying anything i might not have said myself in a junk shop too a friend -without actually meaning it   -  or joined that very conversation in agreement as us women do in shops  - but that was before i lost him.


Offline Fleur

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Re: Is it just me?
« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2017, 12:22:32 PM »
Thank you for your replies, they have given me a different perspective. Sometimes when I'm in the vice like grip of utter sadness it's difficult to see that other people's lives are so different to my own.

This too shall pass.

Offline Karena

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Re: Is it just me?
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2017, 02:04:19 PM »
 :hug:

Offline Maria66

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Re: Is it just me?
« Reply #5 on: October 13, 2017, 05:50:39 AM »
Another way of looking at it is at least they took the time to say it.  xxx

Having MS i get people say to me wow you look well at first I found it irksome and made me irritable how was I suppose to look?  Now I have an answer i just say oh thanks well i am not ill I am just neurologically challenged and it makes it easier.

I think people just dont know how to handle grief because they are scared they may say something that will upset us. My daughter did it a few days after i lost my Mike.  She was on the phone to see if i was ok, and she said mum i had a dream about him last night and he sad dont be sad SPARROW I am ok. Well that was it, sparrow was his name for me my pet name.  I literally cried out loud and dropped the phone. I know i will have these times when someone will say something, and i have to be brave i suppose its so easy to say something that can trigger us to feel sad or upset.  xx

Offline Fleur

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Re: Is it just me?
« Reply #6 on: October 13, 2017, 09:37:29 AM »
It makes sense that when we are so raw some things will grate. It is difficult for people to say the right thing, after all we are all at different stages of our grief. I never really know how honest I should be when I meet well meaning people because I try not to upset them.
This too shall pass.