Author Topic: Hubby finally laid to rest  (Read 3465 times)

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Offline Maria66

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Hubby finally laid to rest
« on: October 30, 2017, 06:51:18 AM »
Finally my darling hubby was able to be laid to rest.

The funeral was on Wednesday 25th October. It went so well, the crematorium was packed with standing room only, so many people turned up to pay their last respects to him it took my breath away. He would have never thought so many people loved him just from my obituary it showed how many did as they were queuing to go in.

I went for a humanist service a celebration of his life, he would have loved it and the person doing it had taken a lot of time and effort to talk to his friends to find out what kind of man he was. 

The service was just breathtaking.

Mike always loved the Spitfire aeroplane, and the sound of the Merlin engine, so his coffin was adorned and painted with spitfires and as the curtain went across we were treated to the sound of many spitfires passing over our heads which shocked a few people who ducked involuntarily thinking they were actually in the sky above.   We had his favorite music Rolling stones and bo diddley and everything was well just perfect.   I was in a daze and crying throughout but also managed a few smiles and a giggle or two when some of things he got up too as a young man was talked about.

I know he would have been so happy with what i did for him, i wanted him to have the bests as a mark of respect for the wonderful and kind husband and friend he was to myself and so many people.

the party afterwards was so nice and so many people enjoyed just talking about him and we did a toast for his passing. I had a large fruit cake made and a special topper made of icing of his favorite car the blue Imp which he won many cups with when car trailing. I put up a special area with all the things he enjoyed and did give away's of memorabilia for people to take home.

It was such a lovely afternoon no one wanted to leave. The food was amazing thanks to Sainsburys party buffet and lots was eaten and enjoyed.

I really hoped my beloved Mike was there watching down on all this and enjoying all the love people had for him. Its sad isnt it, we have all this love and respect at the end of our lives do we really ever get to know that, the one thing it did really help me get through the day. It was a blur and it took me until now to talk about it.

Now i can grieve although i still have to wait to find out why my hubby was taken from me, once i know i can really grieve.   

Its funny as before the funeral i had so many people around me, now in the last few days its quiet and no one around when i need people more. I do think it would be good for people to realise that its after the funeral the bereaved need support not so much before as then they are so busy dealing with stuff their head spins. 

After when its all gone quiet and your on you own is when you need that friendly face.

It took me ages to remember this place as my brain had shut down with my MS and i was in brain fog then this morning it finally hit me what the group was called and i found you again.

Thanks for support I know i have a tough time ahead but the worse part is over now and i can sit quietly and just enjoy all my memories of him.


Offline longedge

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Re: Hubby finally laid to rest
« Reply #1 on: October 30, 2017, 08:16:40 AM »
It's a tough time Maria  :hug:
I'll never get over losing her and I used to think that eventually
I would learn to live with it - that's not happened yet.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Hubby finally laid to rest
« Reply #2 on: October 30, 2017, 08:54:38 AM »
It does seem that some people think all is ok again after the funeral and it gets alot quieter afterwards.  But we know otherwise
Sounds such a beautiful service  :hearts: 
Sending a big hug  :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Hubby finally laid to rest
« Reply #3 on: October 31, 2017, 07:28:03 PM »
Welcome back  :hug:My husbands funeral was also unconventional,he was an unconventional person,His hearse was a campervan and I was in it not behind him but there was a convoy of camper vans,because those people were our friends.Then there were some motorbikes bringing up the rear.We had poems and readings about him,and his daughter had recorded a song she wrote for him.We had a big piece of quartz that all of us had spent some time holding while thinking of our happy memories.Me and his son sealed the memory's in the river then we broke pieces off and invited friends to take a piece each home.There is a piece on a close friends grave who died just before him,a piece hidden in a notch in a cliff in wales that is still there,I check every year.Pieces in other peoples gardens.We had daffodils and after the service we walked down to the river and everyone floated one down. The idea behind that was that we didn't want the children who were there to have a last memory of it being coffins and tears and of course with kids and water its always fun.I still send daffodils every year,and his grandkids send things too him too. Little notes,sticks,feathers all sorts so even though it is supposed to be like a last way of honouring them,by doing things that fit it can be the beginning of a different way of doing that.The big piece of quartz that wasn't Brocken sits next too my bed and a smaller piece travels everywhere with me so I can fill it with new memorys.
So in my long winded way I,m trying to say is that even though it feels like a final act and people do vanish,the bond between you is never Brocken.

Offline Maria66

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Re: Hubby finally laid to rest
« Reply #4 on: November 01, 2017, 04:52:54 AM »
Welcome back  :hug:My husbands funeral was also unconventional,he was an unconventional person,His hearse was a campervan and I was in it not behind him but there was a convoy of camper vans,because those people were our friends.Then there were some motorbikes bringing up the rear.We had poems and readings about him,and his daughter had recorded a song she wrote for him.We had a big piece of quartz that all of us had spent some time holding while thinking of our happy memories.Me and his son sealed the memory's in the river then we broke pieces off and invited friends to take a piece each home.There is a piece on a close friends grave who died just before him,a piece hidden in a notch in a cliff in wales that is still there,I check every year.Pieces in other peoples gardens.We had daffodils and after the service we walked down to the river and everyone floated one down. The idea behind that was that we didn't want the children who were there to have a last memory of it being coffins and tears and of course with kids and water its always fun.I still send daffodils every year,and his grandkids send things too him too. Little notes,sticks,feathers all sorts so even though it is supposed to be like a last way of honouring them,by doing things that fit it can be the beginning of a different way of doing that.The big piece of quartz that wasn't Brocken sits next too my bed and a smaller piece travels everywhere with me so I can fill it with new memorys.
So in my long winded way I,m trying to say is that even though it feels like a final act and people do vanish,the bond between you is never Brocken.

What a beautiful service, it made me cry.  I was thinking of moving as i have a huge house and just me rattling in it now, but i cant as he is here, i feel him all the time. I know he is linked to me with a strong bond but if i left it wouldnt be the same for me. 

I love the crystal idea mike was also into motorbikes, and cars and yes campervans anything with an engine. 

I will have his ashes soon and i am not sure what I will do yet for now they will stay by me.   

I never thought i could miss him so much it aches constantly. xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Hubby finally laid to rest
« Reply #5 on: November 01, 2017, 12:08:38 PM »
 :hug:I also have that ache even now - but the acute pain settles too being chronic and as with physical caused pain you develop pain management strategys so the ache kind of dulls over time but its a roller coaster ride and it fluctuates.

I had no choice about moving -and i was able to partly create that feeling of being close just by stuff that i brought with me,-there is the obvious thing but something silly i brought was a brocken heater matrix from the van -because we had a stand off about it -he had a habit of dumping stuff i the kitchen -you wouldnt believe the number of used brake discs and brocken bits i had to remove,but the heater matrix i decided i wasnt shifting -so i asked him too -he forgot so i stuck a note on it saying remove me -his response was to put it on the windowsill with a rose stuck in the pipe bit -then we started leaving silly love notes in it and so it became a joke -i took it with me and put it on the kitchen windowsill at the new house - no notes now of course, but if i get a brocken flower stem in the garden thats where it goes.
It was a very painful wrench not just from him but from the garden,the village, the familiar routines not just ours but the farmers and neighbours etc. If you have a choice about it then my advice would be stay put for at least two years you can always reconsider later or if things change.I will be moving again and downsizing because its not just rattling around but affording to maintain the building thats problematic, there is only so much i can do myself - no doubt the stupid heater matrix will go on the windowsill wherever the next place is too.

For you though this is probably not the right time for making major decisions you dont have too, or increasing stress as moving house is high up on the stress index too.