Not sure how i feel

[Sean88]

Hi all my grandmother passed away a month ago after a year long fight with cancer. I knew it was coming to didnt expect it to happen so quick she went from laughing and joking to on her death bed in weeks we had the funeral last week and in the process of clearing her flat out ive taken a few of her possesions to remember her by i have momemts when i think about her or look at pictures when i start crying is that normal to have random tears also i find myself not being able to do anything ive been indoors since her funeral not feeling to do anything i stay in bed most of the   day i even refused to go on a family holiday is this a normal way will i feel better soon

[Emz2014]

It is normal to feel you want to withdraw, and to be tearful.  The more we stay in, the harder it feels to go out in time. Little things can help alot, even trying a brief stroll around the block or to a park if you have one nearby. Be gentle with yourself, it's OK to feel sad. If you can, try and do things with your family,  they can be there for support,  and perhaps when you are feeling ready you'll be able to talk about your grandmother together  xx

[Karena]

It is very normal, as is wanting to stay in and hibernate. as Emz said though a walk round the block will make a difference if you can force yorself to do it -particularly as spring aproaches.many people have the idea that the funeral is the end of grief or that in a year it goes away like some kind of sell by date.In truth this isnt the case -if someone has always been in your life like a grandma then they will always be in your life even after they are not physically here -it takes time to adjust too that physical change but they will always be in your heart and probably in your actions too. sometimes you will remember them with laughter and other times with tears and longing.The acute pain does subside and becomes more of an ache. I came here after losing my husband, but i lost my mum 14 years ago even so i recently found myself randomly crying over a christmas carol she learned to play on the piano but other times i have laughed finding myself doing or saying something she used too -the thing that when you are a teenager you tell yourself you will never say suddenly escapes your lips and you know they are still part of you.

But remember all that is ok because all of us want to be remembered, not by a name and dates on a stone but in the hearts of those we loved.

[Sean88]

We are in the process of clearing her flat out and i just want to keep everything but my parents are saying we dont have room to take everything.would it be a good idea going to the hospital it would just i feel make me abit happier knowing it was one of the last places and a placei spent alot of the time.

[Karena]

It's up to you re the hospital we are all different and that's the last place I would have gone to seek comfort.Also most hospitals now have locked wards so you may not be able to go too the ward.But maybe the hospital has a garden and you took her out into it or maybe a memorial garden. another idea might be to go somewhere with happy memories maybe somewhere she took you as a child for a picnic that kind of thing.Its a shame you have to clear her flat so quickly but treasure the things you can keep.maybe there is a small side table or chair that would go in your room or a jewelry box even a blanket or throw you could you could wrap up in.

[Twinkle]

Hi, I agree with Karen's, hospital is possibly not the best place to go, find somewhere with happy memories or just peaceful and calming, like you I was made to clear my Mums house very quickly by my siblings, the very next day in fact, but I managed to get myself little worthless things so I have something of her around me, I am sorry for your loss and please don't try to fit into normal,  there is no normal, we all have to get through somehow and the people on this forum are truly wonderful and will help you through each step

[Sean88]

Yeah cos she rents it so we didnt want to pay another months worth of rent ive got a few ornaments of hers pictures jackets ect while clearing out her flat i found a christmas card she had written for me so that i will cherish for ever and maybe the hospital is not good it was just a big part of our lives for the 3 months she was in there it felt like a second home the day she passed we were all sat at home feeling like why are we here at this time if day we kinda missed it as silly as it sounds i went to.a cafe her and my mum used to go for lunch after her chemo appoitments and stuff which she liked i went to see her body before we cremated her hoping that would help im glad i saw her one last time but it was very upseeting i j
Kept thinking i was seeing her breathe and move.

[Twinkle]

Nothing sounds silly, it's just what we need to do, I am glad you have ornaments etc they will help. Mum had kept all the cards I had ever sent her, and like you will cherish them. I saw Mum before she was cremated, and also wrote notes and put pictures with her, some of me is glad I did, the other part will never forget....