being angry is a normal part of grieveing so being angry isnt wrong in itself - but its also a time when we are very sensative to what people say, I,m sure your boyfriend had no intention to hurt you - maybe he was even trying to spare you the shock of finding out yourself so that you are prepared for the time you may want to walk past or for the time when some-one else tells you - so perhaps he is guilty of clumsiness in the way he told you but had good intentions.
I find anger very difficult to deal with - i have always internalised it and made everything my fault . But a couple of years ago after a neighbour issue i had an overwhelming urge to get out and away from it and stomped rather than walked up the hill behind the house - but the energy that went into doing that got rid of the anger so that has become my outlet - bottle banks - legitimatly breaking glass - or sitting in the car away from anyone and screaming are others people here have used in the past - but however you do it - i think its always best to get rid of it that way before approaching the person who has triggered it - then when you are feeling more rational you can think more clearly and if their action still angers you at least approach it calmly and explain too them more calmly why it made you angry or upset.

Oh, this strikes a chord! I've never been the slimmest person. I only have to look at a bag of donuts and the pounds pile on! But like you, shortly after I took up dancing to help me get over my loss last year, one of the blokes there told me I should just eat vegetables and fruit and nothing else! I didn't go back for a week as result, I felt so humiliated! Then I thought, why should I stay away because of him? So I went back. Now, despite the weight, I have passed several dance tests with honours and am very pleased with my achievements! One of the ladies I have become friends with there nicknamed him 'lettuce leaf' after I told her about what happened. Now I just avoid him! And despite the weight, I still dance better than he does as well!

I know I should lose weight and I do try, but have a sit-down job, which doesn't help. I have changed shape a little due to the dancing and am sure some of the weight now is due to an increase in muscle development too, but I still look like'Ten-Ton- Tessie'  in photos, so I will have to start working on this harder too, As you say, you worry more about your health when you are on your own. I am trying to avoid cakes in the run up to Christmas, so that 'i can enjoy some Christmas cake over the festive season, not that I am feeling particularly festive. It will only be the second on my own, but mum always loved my Christmas cake too, so I want to make one, partly in memory of her. I made her my Christmas cake for her birthday a couple of weeks before she fell ill with her last illness and am so glad I did as she didn't make it to Christmas.

Anyway, I suppose I'm trying to point out that people do say hurtful thoughtless things, but as a lady just on the wrong side of my mid-fifties, I consider myself to be just at the start of a new phase in my life, sadly without my lovely mum now, but still doing things she would have enjoyed and for the first time in my life without the responsibility of looking after anyone else but me, which, although I also find my weight concerning in terms of my health, especially as I am on my own, I also feel I have a lot to look forward to and enjoy and I intend to do just that for as long as I can. Life isn't over for you when you're only in your fifties or sixties or more, come to that! We have a lovely chap who is still regularly coming to dancing at 98! So you should never give up! And pay no heed to those who make mean, thoughtless comments!

Hello Now What and Autumn Leaves,

Your posts resonate with me also. My mum died a little over a year ago and I can assure you, you will gradually come to accept what has happened, but like you, for about the first six months or so, all I could think about were the awful weeks when she was in hospital and the gulit that she passed away in the time when I had gone home for a rest, exhausted, after staying with her all night and most of the day for at least three nights. I'm not sure I will ever be able to fully forgive myself for going home that day.

Since then, I have many bad, but also some better days. I am not surprised to hear what you say about friends not being very sympathetic. In my experience, i found least support from those from whom I might have expected the most and the most support from new friends from whom I might have expected the least. It certainly teaches you a lot about people and sorts out who are the ones you can rely on for a sympathetic ear and who you can't! I think often, people just don't know what to say, or don't understand, never having suffered a loss themselves, and some are just too selfish to want to worry about someone who is going through something so painful.

It is early days for both of you, so take your time and don't expect to feel much better any time soon. It's a long and difficult ordeal, but slowly, things will get a little better, as you come  to terms with what has happened and learn to live with it. In the meantime, look after  your every day needs and just do whatever helps. In the meantime, you will find understanding and support from tose of us who are in the same position here and on the Facebook page,

Sending hugs...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It must be so very hard after so many years together. I am sure you must feel terribly lost.

As Emz says, suffering a loss does change you, but it sounds like it is still very early days for you. I think losing someone close does make you feel very vulnerable and it certainly leaves you in shock. In my experience, it takes a long time to get past those feelings to any real extent. They say the first year is the hardest. Perhaps it is, but I find there are waves of days when it all seems worse than other days.

Be patient and gentle with yourself. Certainly for at least the first six months, I wouldn't expect to feel much better. Just concentrate on surviving. Remember to eat and drink, but other than that, just do whatever you need to do. In time, acceptance comes and slowly you find a way forward. Just take it a day at a time.

I expect you probably are stronger than you think, but you have just suffered the worst blow that you are ever likely to, so it may take a while before you recover any of that strength yet. In the meantime, we are all here for you to help support you.

Sending hugs...

I am angry about loads of things to do with my wife dying and even though i know i cannot change anything i am still VERY angry and its fortunate that the locum who basically let her die lives hundreds of miles away in Colchester otherwise he might not be around too long.....i think most people who are grieving will have some sort of anger and it could be like myself over treatment or like yourself seeing your old home with a new family in.....your new boyfriend wouldn't have told ya to upset ya us blokes sometimes don't think the same as our wives/girlfriends and to be honest i would have probably done the same but nowt to do with upsetting ya. I still look at my old homes on Google Earth and wonder who lives there now and wonder if they have found my old guitar in the loft or boxes full of motorbike parts for that classic bike i never got round to building. As for not thinking about your feelings one of my sisters said to me last week "at least you won't need to search for pressies for Ruth this year"  and for a moment i felt like punching her but some people say stuff without really thinking......so i just replied "No need you wasting money on Makeup  when ya can't polish a turd" LOL. They say things improve in time so its early days and we will have to wait and see..