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Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: Hello
« Last post by CarolineL on March 20, 2019, 07:46:44 PM »You have made me giggle x 
BereavementUK Support & Chat Group.
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Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: Wallowing
« Last post by Twinkle on March 20, 2019, 05:56:06 PM »Thank you, yes I am very blessed to have lifelong friends which to be honest in my case is better than family, I too have made new friends. I think the key with grief, if there is such a thing, is to do what you need to do, you have to feel your way through avoiding somehow toxic input 
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Back for the third time....
« Last post by Firebelle_uk on March 20, 2019, 03:49:09 PM »Thank you for the welcomes. Anyone who met me in the past will know I'm not very good at emoticons lol so my posts will be mainly boring old text.
Dave, you blew my cover! Of course I wish I had not had to return, and I do remember and indeed even had a look for some of those earlier posts. There was so much support here and that is precisely why I headed straight back this time
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(found it!).
I spent a pleasanyt hour or so in the chat room last night and hve already noticed that several people pop in and out but find it empty. So I was going to suggest a "meet up time" when any one who wamts to chat can, We used to find that just having a time when you knew you were more likely to find someone there was helpful.
Right I must go and take the dog out..... until later....be well xx
Dave, you blew my cover! Of course I wish I had not had to return, and I do remember and indeed even had a look for some of those earlier posts. There was so much support here and that is precisely why I headed straight back this time
.(found it!).
I spent a pleasanyt hour or so in the chat room last night and hve already noticed that several people pop in and out but find it empty. So I was going to suggest a "meet up time" when any one who wamts to chat can, We used to find that just having a time when you knew you were more likely to find someone there was helpful.
Right I must go and take the dog out..... until later....be well xx
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Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: live chat
« Last post by Karena on March 20, 2019, 11:00:44 AM »That would be a good idea you cn use the everyday chat section of the site to do it - i will start a new thread for you and then you can do the rest between you.
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Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: Hello
« Last post by Karena on March 20, 2019, 10:55:37 AM »I have been wondering about keeping a rabbit - there is one up for adoption from the animal rescue place - but i know absolutely nothing about rabbits and this one says he would make a good house rabbit which worried me slighlty as i have other peoples dogs who come for their holidays sometimes, so not sure it would work very well with a free range tasty house rabbit around. - To cap it off though a friend of my daughters has a landlord who is putting the house on the market and he might need some temporary accomodation for his pets if he ends up sofa surfing - two terrapins, two house cats and wait for it - two chickens - one of which is a permanant house chicken because its blind and a bit lame and old but he couldnt bear to kill it ( the other is a bit poorly but might be better and back out on his allotment where his others are kept by then hopefully ) - to explain how this happens, i already have three fish tanks - each one containing a fish that has been rescued and then brought to my door - each fish not able to live with any of the others - two of them were accomdated "temporarilly" allegedly -one i expected a couple of years tops (what did i know about parrot fish he has been here 8 now ) and now terrrapins - who will also have to be housed separately - my living room is going to look like a pet shop aquarium section soon.- house cats i assume dont go out, so thats going to mean litter trays (yuk) - and a house chicken which apparently gets on well with the cats - i assume that isnt house trained at all - although chickens do like scratching - maybe it can empty the litter tray and maybe it could spend some time at least during the day in a nice (padded) run in the garden - or maybe i should have a nice padded run and a strait jacket. :rolleyes:so anyway - it looks like i wont be adopting benjamin bunny or any other bunnies until that is sorted.
This is precisely why i dont have chickens, because they would be named, and be pets and taken to vets and kept nice and cozy, and then everyone would bring me their old lame ones knowing i am a soft touch.I also get poorly pigeons , blackbirds and hedgehogs dropped off from time to time.
This is precisely why i dont have chickens, because they would be named, and be pets and taken to vets and kept nice and cozy, and then everyone would bring me their old lame ones knowing i am a soft touch.I also get poorly pigeons , blackbirds and hedgehogs dropped off from time to time.
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Hello
« Last post by crazychris on March 20, 2019, 09:23:21 AM »Thanks for your reply. I think part of the problem is that I'm alone and thinking too much. Wife works Monday to Thursday and Fri, Sat and Sun she goes out with her friend or goes to their house. So she's out from 9am to 11pm. She says it helps her to get out of the house and stops her thinking too much. I feel I have no support though. Have no friends but don't particularly want any. The grief counsellor wanted me to go to a coffee morning they organise each week and meet two men who have lost their partners and maybe become friends with them. They apparently go out for a drink together. I haven't been yet though and she can't give me their phone numbers because of confidentiality and data protection rules. People say I'm just wallowing in misery but I don't care. Even my wife says at least she's trying and going out but I'm not. I don't want to try. Everything's gone now. I'm just existing until the dog dies. She's only 6 so has a few more years left yet. We can never have any grand-children now and was looking forward to that so much. Her boyfriend told me that he was planning to ask her to marry him on NYE so she'd probably be engaged now. He's still absolutely devastated as I am too.
We had wife's sister and niece over from Philippines for six months. It was okay but she wants the niece to come back and look for a job here and live with us. I don't though as don't want anyone living with us permanently. It was okay and they were very supportive and helped her sort Rachel's room out but it was a lot of extra washing and cooking and your house isn't your own. They went back just before Christmas.
We had wife's sister and niece over from Philippines for six months. It was okay but she wants the niece to come back and look for a job here and live with us. I don't though as don't want anyone living with us permanently. It was okay and they were very supportive and helped her sort Rachel's room out but it was a lot of extra washing and cooking and your house isn't your own. They went back just before Christmas.
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Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: Hello
« Last post by Sandra61 on March 20, 2019, 09:22:09 AM »Well done with the seeds, Caroline! I think all you can do is try to enjoy whatever you can in each day. The storms will come along anyway and usually out of the blue, so you have to make the most of the calm and good days. Keep going, Caroline. You are doing really well.
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Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: Wallowing
« Last post by Sandra61 on March 20, 2019, 09:17:23 AM »Oh, that's awful Caroline! Well done you for dealing with it so well! I'm not sure I could have.
Twinkle, I am so glad you have good friends to help support you. That really does help. I have made a few recently and it has helped me. Like you, initially I expected family to be most help and to be able to empathise and sympathise the most, but they don't. I don't know if that's because we were the carers and naturally are more affected or because they just process things differently, but whatever the reason, I too have found friends to be more help than family - and new friends at that! I was surprised and disappointed by how little support I got from the old ones! Grief certainly teaches you who your real friends are!
It is all about building a new life for yourself now and making the most of the years you have left, so concentrate on that, Twinkle, and stop worrying about the family. If they're not going to help you, accept it and carry on as suits you. There's no point trying to be what anyone else thinks we should be. Most of the time, they're not there anyway! Do whatever you need to do and let them get on with their lives! Whatever you feel is OK. Make yourself the priority now. Sending you a hug..xx
Twinkle, I am so glad you have good friends to help support you. That really does help. I have made a few recently and it has helped me. Like you, initially I expected family to be most help and to be able to empathise and sympathise the most, but they don't. I don't know if that's because we were the carers and naturally are more affected or because they just process things differently, but whatever the reason, I too have found friends to be more help than family - and new friends at that! I was surprised and disappointed by how little support I got from the old ones! Grief certainly teaches you who your real friends are!
It is all about building a new life for yourself now and making the most of the years you have left, so concentrate on that, Twinkle, and stop worrying about the family. If they're not going to help you, accept it and carry on as suits you. There's no point trying to be what anyone else thinks we should be. Most of the time, they're not there anyway! Do whatever you need to do and let them get on with their lives! Whatever you feel is OK. Make yourself the priority now. Sending you a hug..xx
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Hello
« Last post by Sarah83 on March 20, 2019, 09:14:48 AM »Oh Sandra you are so totally right, doing nothing is making me ill, just going over and over it all the time. I went to speak to my husband yesterday after visiting dad determined to say something but when I got there he was crying and in a complete state, says he can’t cope with everything. So me being me just left it alone. We are both suffering from all that has happened, both of us have lost our dads both in our mid 30’s. I wish someone could just do this all for me but I have to do it myself. Just want to climb into a big hole right now! I wish my dad could just come and visit me and tell me what to do! If I carry on I will absolutely crush my husband but I know that you are right in that I have to think about me and my daughter.
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Back for the third time....
« Last post by Sandra61 on March 20, 2019, 09:02:06 AM »So sorry to hear about your husband. The speed of how this has happened must be leaving you feeling shell-shocked. We lose people throughout our lives, but every loss is different and we are never prepared for it, are we? This must be different to your other losses and so hard to bear. It's no wonder you feel cheated working with the elderly when your husband has passed at such a relatively young age, but we are fragile creatures and you can never predict what might happen to any of us. My dad always seemed fit and healthy, but died in the space of a few months after suffering two heart attacks, whereas my mum had serious health problems all her life, but survived to age 96! There is no rhyme or reason to anything. We just have to accept whatever comes along.
Don't blame yourself for how you feel either. Working with the elderly must highlight the contrast for you between how old some people manage to get and the fact that your husband did not. It is just part of missing him, that's all. I am sure we would all be the same.
It is good that you have your dog. Pets always help. Having your children close by hopefully helps too. You will get through this and you will find help here. Keep talking. It really is good to talk. Sending you a huge hug..xx
Don't blame yourself for how you feel either. Working with the elderly must highlight the contrast for you between how old some people manage to get and the fact that your husband did not. It is just part of missing him, that's all. I am sure we would all be the same.
It is good that you have your dog. Pets always help. Having your children close by hopefully helps too. You will get through this and you will find help here. Keep talking. It really is good to talk. Sending you a huge hug..xx