Author Topic: can anyone relate to this?  (Read 47 times)

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Offline Louise74

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can anyone relate to this?
« on: November 10, 2017, 09:05:28 AM »
Hi all

My mums husband brought a bag of clothes round last night with him and it really upset me. Basically what happened was, my sons nursery school are doing a charity collection of winter woollies, hats, scarfs blankets and anything that will help keep the homeless people warm throughout the winter. I mentioned this to my mums husband and said have you got anything even a few old hats and scarfs of my mums. My mum did a lot of charity work over the years and I know she would have wanted to help. I thought he would bring a few bits round to add to my collection. He turned up last night as he always has tea with us on a Thursday and brought a big bin liner of things including an old coat of my mums and jumpers. I looked it the bag and felt upset, I then tied the top and put it in my conservatory. I think it probably upset him also abit looking through my mums stuff although he didn't say a lot in fact he was very quiet and I told him if he wasn't okay with letting anything go then he could take it back and we would leave it. He insisted that its fine but when he had gone I broke down to my husband and said the bag of clothes was upsetting me and he said he will help me drop it off if I don't want to do it. I don't understand why I have got myself into such a pickle over it. Now I feel like I don't know what to do with the bag. I like doing things for charity and so did my mum, it doesn't change a thing over the fact she is not here anymore and it is only a few of her things, there is mountains of stuff at the house.

I think by not visiting my mums house for several months and not having to look at her clothes/personal possessions I hide myself away from the upset it causes me.
I do have photographs of her round my house, I have her wedding ring in my drawer, I have one of her favourite necklaces and lots of other things that she bought me and I have a chain and engraved locket with her picture in and this I find okay.

Can anyone else relate to this or am I being oversensitive?

Thanks

Louise



Offline Karena

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Re: can anyone relate to this?
« Reply #1 on: November 10, 2017, 06:39:09 PM »
 :hug: It is a difficult one,and probably was for him too.I can't help thinking though that now he has done this it would be a shame not to carry it through.
The bag in the conservatory is going to upset you whether it stays there or goes so the only other choice is to put it somewhere out of sight until you feel more able to sort through it,

You arnt being oversensitive though whichever you decide to do it is hard and it is something many of us have struggled with.

Offline Louise74

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Re: can anyone relate to this?
« Reply #2 on: November 11, 2017, 09:44:03 AM »
Hi Karena

Thank you for the reply.

My husband ended up putting the bag in our loft for now. I will sort through it at some point I hope but just don't feel ready yet. I felt so upset the more I thought about somebody wearing my mums coat when all I could picture was when my mum used to wear it, then I felt selfish at the same time for not givng it to charity. I wouldn't mind I caused this whole situation myself for asking for the clothes and didn't realise I would feel the way I did until the clothes were there in front of me. Ive decided to go through my own stuff and give some of that to the charity instead.

thanks again for the support I hope your day is not too bad.

Louise

Offline Karena

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Re: can anyone relate to this?
« Reply #3 on: November 11, 2017, 06:50:32 PM »
There really is no rush. :hug:.