Author Topic: Mums Passing  (Read 1182 times)

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Offline jen

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Mums Passing
« on: September 09, 2018, 02:19:30 AM »
Hi i'm Jen i lost my mum this year 10th April to Cancer after a 14 month battle.

The first 2 months were really hard for me and for my partner not fully understanding how i was feeling but we struggled through it and i slowly became less distant, upset , angry and my mind elsewhere.

But this last couple of weeks have really been hard sorting through my mums belongings i thought i was ready but i wasn't as a mass of emotion hit me like a wave again and again.

And more when i think of my mums birthday on 29th September mum would of been 70 this month and i'm not looking forward to it being the first birthday she isn't going to be here to celebrate.   

My partner has only seen me cry twice in the 6 years we have been together the first was when mum found out she had cancer and the second was when i got a call from my brother to call to Manchester as mum dint have long left and go to the hospital that was a hard day for me over 3 days of seeing my mum not fully conscious due to the medication and still upsets me when i picture the day i went to the hospital.

I have since acted normal when with people who think i'm coping well and i break down and cry when i'm alone and when my partner is sleeping when i quietly cry myself to sleep every night.

I haven't been able to grieve properly as myself and my family wasn't able to have a funeral or service for mum as mum donated herself to medical science for 4yrs so we have no ashes to spread as all we have at this moment is a lock of mums hair.
 
« Last Edit: September 09, 2018, 02:42:03 AM by jen »

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Mums Passing
« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2018, 09:54:53 PM »
Sending a welcome hug  :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Mums Passing
« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2018, 11:13:18 AM »
Those firsts are horrible and her birthday coming up is bound to be hard for you.
People do expect us to be "back to normal" very early on -but losing some-one who has been the foundations of your entiire life means that we have to get used to a completely new "normal"and that takes much longer.Through your life you have major changes  starting school, starting work, meeting partners etc and mums are the constant through those changes - later even making those life changing decisions as adults, that we think were our own decisions we always knew what our parent s would have thought and said. Doing anything now, without mums voice being part of it is difficult. But they have given us that voice for life. It doesnt make up for them not physically being here of course it cant, but if you listen, even when they are no longer here, you can still hear it. :hug:

Offline jen

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Re: Mums Passing
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2018, 03:28:15 PM »
Thank you Emz and karina for the kind words and being welcoming the last few weeks have been hard for me with sorting mums clothes and being at my parents house with all the memories there.

I had to put a brave face on for my dad as it would of hurt him to see me upset i think it's hard for me because i cant have the closure for a few years until we will have our mums ashes which will be anything after 5yrs as she is with Keele medical university Staffordshire as all we have is memories and a lock of mums hair that the nurses did for us when mum passed.

I know mum is happy in happy land as mum called it with her parents and 2 brothers watching over us every day as mum was a spiritual person as her faith was spiritualism.

Offline Sandra61

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Re: Mums Passing
« Reply #4 on: November 05, 2018, 11:51:26 PM »
Hi Jen,

It's a while since you posted, so maybe you won't see this, but if you do, I just wanted to say that I sympathise with you. I lost my mum a year ago and still haven't been able to sort through her things yet. I can manage to deal with things she never got round to wearing, but anything I can picture her having worn, I just end up putting back in the wardrobe!

I think it was really brave of your mum to donate her body to research. She must have been a very special personto want to still try to help others, even after she was gone.

I understand that you need closure, but how about doing something like what an acquaintance of mine did, if you can't hold a funeral? They hired a hall and invited all her friends and laid on food and hung a big picture of her on the wall and played all her favourite music and spent the evening chatting with all those people who had known her and sharing their memories of her. It was a celebration of her life and your mum sounds like a lady whose life should be celebrated too. Just a thought, but I thought this might help you to feel you were doing something to mark her passing in a positive way.

Share with us here whenever you need to. Bast wishes, thinking of you.

Sandra