Author Topic: Daughter's Birthday  (Read 2338 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Kate3027

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 30
  • Karma: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Daughter's Birthday
« on: January 30, 2018, 09:31:18 AM »
Today my little girl turned 4. We woke up and had a lovely breakfast, she opened some presents and went off to nursery with a tin full of birthday buns and a huge smile on her face.

I got in the car and drove home, prepared all the ingredients to make her a birthday chocolate cake, sat down, looked up at a picture on the fridge of my dad holding my little girl when she was a little older than 1, and promptly burst into hysterical tears. I sat where I dropped for a while, staring at the photograph, memories flashing before my eyes like a film; trimming his beard for him as he lay in the hospice bed, singing him a song while I did it, holding his hand so tight as if I could keep him with us by holding on, kissing him and saying goodnight. The hardest thing I have ever had to do was to walk out of that room. Walking out and collapsing on my brother, hoping that my dad didn't hear my heart break. Hoping he would sleep soon and stay sleeping, dreaming for eternity.

How can he miss this? How can he not be here to see his grandchildren grow a year older? How can he not be on the other end of the phone to wish her a happy birthday? He was so proud of them all, getting bigger, becoming proper little people. But he's missing this.

It hurts. It hurts more than I can say.

Offline Karena

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2132
  • Karma: +145/-0
Re: Daughter's Birthday
« Reply #1 on: January 30, 2018, 11:30:25 AM »
 :hug:i always feel heartbrocken on my grandchildrens birthdays and school plays etc -that my husband isnt there and i do try to be a big enough presence for both of us with things like that, but the eldest is getting bullied after school and i was thinking this morning he would have waited by the bridge where they wait and given them what for (not physically) but me doing that would be much less effective so i cant always fill in that gap, only take what i know of him,what he might say or do and still look too him in that way.

Offline Emz2014

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1904
  • Karma: +130/-0
Re: Daughter's Birthday
« Reply #2 on: January 30, 2018, 06:01:37 PM »
 :hug:  :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Louise74

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 19
  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Daughter's Birthday
« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2018, 04:29:52 PM »
Hi Kate

Just to let you know your not alone.
Its coming up to a year since I lost my mum. I totally understand how upset you feel. My youngest will be 4 in March.
I remember feeling upset last year when my other son started high school. I know my mum would of asked me to bring him round in his uniform she would have been so proud. Its all the milestones we feel they are missing out on.

I try to think they are with us somewhere watching over and this gives me a little comfort sometimes.

I hope things begin to feel abit easier for you with time.

Louise