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Hi Emz,
How are you, hope you are over you cold etc now.
I feel the same now, have all the memories, of what great Christmas's we had. Now, just don't want Christmas anymore.
Really not looking forward to next month, or September, birthdays and wedding anniversary, going to be very difficult.
Going to Spiritualist church on Sunday, with my Daughter and Granddaughters. The medium, that's there on Sunday, is very good, we have seen him before. We feel very comfortable at this church, as Janice, was often the guest Medium there and the kids were named there, it has a very nice feeling there. I went to the local one, near me, but did not like it one bit, very cold, not friendly, didn't want to be there xx
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Multiple losses
« Last post by Emz2014 on Today at 08:59:20 AM »
Sending a welcome hug  :hug:

It doesn't sound like you are trying to avoid your grief, so it could be that you are in a bit of a shock about losing so many loved ones, could perhaps be a bit numb as you have lost them so soon together.  Grief doesnt have a timescale and changes (often like a rollercoaster)

There is no right or wrong way to grieve - its often a surprise to us what happens on our grief journey, as everyone is so individual.  Going to work is often really helpful as it provides a routine and an illusion of normality which helps us cope - we can concentrate the mind on our work (with varying degrees of success in concentration!)

Being here and talking with us should help - talking/writing about your losses/feelings help your mind process everything.  I kept a diary for many years, where I would write what had happened each day and whatever i needed to write and I'm sure that helped me through hard times xx
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My Christmas was very much centred around my dad.  We've tried to do something new, and is different anyway as my sister has children now, but it's still not the same.  We have a nice time, it's always nice seeing them, but Christmas has lost its sparkle now.  Dont think it helped that last Christmas I was really ill too

I treasure those memories and photos, so thankful to have had those times.  But I also feel the draw to escape Christmas now xx
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Hi Karena,
I do think that cards, are becoming a thing of the past. The cards that I will never send nor want are Christmas cards, Christmas will not happen anymore for me, I really couldn't face it Last Christmas, I sat here, on my own and had Spaghetti Bolognese for my dinner, never saw a single person, until the 30th December, Janice's funeral.
I know it's very hard to escape all the hype of Christmas, but there must be somewhere in the world I can go to escape it.
We used to love Christmas, the Granddaughters used to love coming round and putting our tree up and decorating it, then they would come over Christmas Eve,we would go out in the garden, and mark a runway out , with glow sticks for Santas sleigh and leave carrots out for the Reindeer, all that has gone now, will really miss it, but could never have Christmas without Janice
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Multiple losses
« Last post by ESO93 on July 23, 2017, 10:02:56 PM »
Hello,

I am 24 years old and I've never experienced any bereavements except my grand father 4 years ago. However since October last year I have lost 5 loved ones, one friend, my family dog, my dad, my grand father and my grand mother.

I lost my dad, grandfather and grandmother all within 2-3 weeks and all those that I have lost were sudden as such.

My friend passed away in a car accident l, I felt I grieved the loss of her as expected, I went through all the emotions. My dad had been unwell for years through alcoholism and although he had detorriated since January I didn't expect him to pass so soon, he went into hospital and I was told 2 days prior he would be discharged which was the norm every time he went in. It wasn't until I was called in and told he wasn't going to live more than a few days that I realised how serious it was. He passed away next to me when I asleep hours later. My mothers dad then passed away suddenly followed by my dads mother. Although they both were unwell with dementia I still didn't expect it so soon.
I don't feel I have grieved properly for any of them, I was openly upset and emotional a few days after my dad passing but when I got the news about my grandparents I was almost like I was numb, I don't think I have cried for any of them except at their funerals. I go to work every day and act like my normal self (to the surprise of my colleagues) and try and go about my life as normal, like nothing's happened. It actually upsets me more thinking that I'm not grieving properly. I'm such a family orientated person and I revolved a lot of my life around my dad so why aren't I feeling the massive hole of emptyness that I haven't got to thinking or worry about him?

I only ever feel emotionally unstable of an evening, I struggle to go to sleep and I have a feeling of deep sadness and anxiety, but not for my loved ones, my brain tries to focus on anything other than them, things that upset me and make me rethink bad times in my life but none of these relating to any of them.

Is this normal? I just want to grieve properly as I'm scared it will hit me a million times harder at a random point in my life.

Sorry if this makes no sense.
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Introduce myself
« Last post by Emz2014 on July 23, 2017, 09:32:32 PM »
Sending a welcome hug Dorothy,  this is a safe place to explore your feelings, writing stuff down often helps  :hug: xx
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Its often the things we don't think of in advance that get too you.I don't do cards anymore for that reason,If people think its mean let them.Its OK these days I think to say happy birthday on fb,and of course I do presents for family and close friends but as they're given by hand they don't require labels.
The change of school is a positive in some ways as he is switching to mainstream school from  a special school.Which was too far away for any friendships to be outside the school,and I don't think he actually had any friends there.Its a very small school too so shouldn't be too overwhelming,he has been for a couple of days to get used too it and seemed to get on OK,but generally doesn't respond well too change so fingers crossed.
No steam trains at this event,but I quite like them,I've taken the boys on the worth valley line a few times ( as in the railway children film) I agree chilli and veg stew taste better next day.I have never really got my head round meals for one,feels like a lot of trouble.Keith used to do most of the cooking as he was retired and I was am at work,plus if I,m honest he was a better cook,and i was better at growing it so it made sense. So batch cooking and portioning seems to be the best solution.
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Introduce myself
« Last post by Karena on July 23, 2017, 06:20:09 PM »
Hi Dorothy.
It isn't selfish to rant nor is it feeling sorry for yourself.Grief is a journey no one wants to go on,and one which many of those who think you are ,havnt been on.When you lose one parent the foundations under you crumble,when you lose the second they slide into a black hole.Its not why I came here that's another loss,but I was 22 when my dad died and 40 when my mum died,but I don't think age is a factor only loss.
Coming here and writing stuff down helps I found so I hope it will for you too.
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Hi Karena,
That sounds like a lovely place to go, especially as everyone has contributed to make it a better place, sounds great. I am sorry to hear about your Grandson, it must be a very worrying time for him, knowing he is going to a new school, not really knowing what to expect. I hope that there will be some of his friends, also going to the new school with , there is nothing worse, than having to go to a new school on your own and try to make new friends, I know how hard that is, been there, done it, got the T shirt.
Chilli, I do love chilli, but I make it for the five thousand, I make it in a huge sauspan and then freeze it, always find, that it tastes better the following day. I still can't get used to the idea, of just cooking for one, I still cook, for two or more.
Have just had an experience, that I hadn't thought of, until today, it's one of our friends 70th birthday, next week, so I went onto Moonpig, to get a card for him, after I had got it how I wanted it, I came to the part, who it's from, so I automatically, put, from Janice and Dave, then, I had the thought, I still want to put Janice on cards, but some people, might be offended or feel uncomfortable, so I stopped doing the card and sent his wife a text, telling her the position, she is very understanding, she is also a Spiritualist and was a really great friend to Janice, she replied , saying by all means put janice on the card, as she might not be here physically, but Janice is still here and all the years you were together, you can't just exclude her, so I thanked them both, for their understanding, so I have done the card and put from Janice and Dave, I didn't want it any other way, but I thought it only right to ask. But I expect, that there is going to be many more of these FIRSTS.

Steam rollers, steam engines, excellent, really love steam, miss the steam railways, but I live very close to the Bluebell railway, so might get to go on it one day. The Flying Scotsman, was there a couple of months ago, would liked to have seen that, but obviously I didn't .sounds like you are going to have a great weekend xx
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Well at 12 and 15 they will probably not appreciate thinking they're being looked after,but at the same time enjoy it.Will be nice to spend time with them anyway.Fish and chips sounds lovely,I,m jealous.But at the same time somewhere like that would definitely not be good for my calorie intake so perhaps just as well there isn't one anywhere nearby.So instead I,m having veg stew some of which will be turned into bean Chile and frozen to take camping.

I,m going to Cumbria,New forest would definitely be too far for a weekend.Going to camp at a regular spot,its not actually a site,but the council withdrew support and were selling off the viallge hall and grounds including a football pitch bowling green and field.So the village got together and bought it but obviously need money to keep it going.We clubbed together and paid for hookups to run from the floodlights and pay to camp to raise money.So usually there bank holidays and a few summer weekends.This one there,s a steam fair a couple of miles away.Usual steam rollers vintage cars and old fairground rides,beerctent stalls etc.I have taken the eldest grandson and was going to take next one down this year.

But the lady who organises the camping lost her husband very recently,so its going to be a bit if a wake,and she might not want to go to the actual fair,so if that's the case I will stay with her.
Also he has ADHD and aspergers and is going to a new school next term,so is very unsettled at the moment so I,m going on my own.He didn't know I was thinking of taking him so he won't be upset about it.I,all take him next year.

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