Author Topic: Hi  (Read 1607 times)

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Offline Ange

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Hi
« on: May 16, 2018, 03:41:48 PM »
My partner of 23 years, Steve, died on 2 April. He had a bone marrow transplant in October for Myelofibrosis. The transplant was a success but he died from infection as a result of having no immune system.  He was horribly ill, he had meningitis twice, sepsis and two huge seizures which involved him being put in an induced coma plus a myriad other illnesses and gvhd. He fought so hard to get well and we were planning on him coming home when he deterioted suddenly and unexpectly and had an awful death. I can't get the last 24 hours out omy mind.  I live I in a rural area. and we had very few friends, Steve was ex parachute regiment and didn't mix much and he was my whole life.

I've also lost my job. Steve was in a specialist hospital two hours away and I visited him every day. I can't work yet and my company won't hold my job open any more.  I was signed off sick with stress sometime ago as my docs felt that I couldn't work mornings and then drive to see Steve in the afternoon.

My elderly parents live close by but need looking after so aren't able to support me.  I'm looking after them.  My sisters all live a long way away and apart from our beautiful gsd i really do feel like I have nothing.

I know it's early days until think I'd be coping better if I wasn't so horribly lonely. I had got used to Steve not being hat home as he had been in hospital since October but I have panic attacks and am finding it difficult to go out and just as difficult to be on my own in the house.

I feel like I'm going mad even with the medical help from the docs.

This is such a gloomy post that I feel awful sending it.  Everyone else here has their own sadness to bear.


Offline Emz2014

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Re: Hi
« Reply #1 on: May 16, 2018, 04:09:38 PM »
Sending you a welcome hug  :hug:  the early weeks are so overwhelming, so much to process.
When you say gsd, I'm guessing you are talking about a german shepherd? (Im hoping I have my acronym correct).  If so, you will find will be a valuable support. My dogs have helped me through some very tough times, I know others have found the same.  They help give us some purpose, force us to get up and care for them. I know a close friend of mine has had such benefit from adopting a cat after losing his wife. They provide such needed companionship
Hope you find some comfort from the forum xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Hi
« Reply #2 on: May 17, 2018, 10:38:19 AM »
Hi Ange and welcome.
I agree with Emz your dog will make a lot of difference - i had a staffie, Ben when my husband died -they do give you a reason to get up, and go out,and need caring for.Ben has also since died, and now i take in other peoples dogs for holidays/sickness cover.

Losing your job too must have been another huge blow -it seems totally unreasonable  - what do they think youre going to do when a loved one needs you by their side,and how you are going to cope after a loss like that I actually feel angry on your behalf.My husband had a stroke so i also spent a lot of time at the hospital but my boss was much more flexible,and more symapthetic about returning, i think i went back too soon but that was my choice not his.
On that front the only plus i see is that now you know just what hearless people they are,perhaps when you are feeling stronger you can find something working for some-one with a bit more compassion.On a practical front if you are caring for your parents i wondered if you could get a carers allowance, and free up your options a bit -something part time and less stressful.But for now you need time and you need to be kind too yourself, because at this stage just getting out of bed cleaning your teeth and brushing your hair is an achievement.

I didnt realise how socialy inept i was before losing my husband and panic attacks brought a whole new dimension,but i think that has happened to quite a lot of people in this situation so dont feel you are alone with that and dont feel its permanant they will subside -again over time.One trick i learned was to carry a crystal all the time and hold it tight when i felt one coming on. Doesnt need to be a crystal it can be a pebble off a beach a piece of jewellry anything, but something solid, and something that reminds you of a peaceful place so by holding it and thinking of that place you can feel more in control.

My two daughters and grandkids are all the familly i have left now -and whatsapp helps a lot, its not the same as the real thing or physical hugs but it is quite good at lessening the miles between you, so maybe you and your sisters can set that up.

Being here helped a lot, keep coming back, keep writing we will be here for you as long as you need us. :hug: