Author Topic: Hi there  (Read 1656 times)

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Offline Louise 246

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Hi there
« on: May 11, 2017, 09:02:45 PM »
Hello everyone,
My name's Louise. I am 46 years old and just divorced. I have a 12 year old son.

I lost my Mum 11 weeks and 3 days ago. She was my best friend, my rock, my confidante. We did everything together and were so close. I feel that I am completely lost without her and I feel I can't carry on.

I lost my Dad, my Mum's soulmate, when I was 26. He was 54. He died of a brain tumour.
I lost my best friend to breast cancer 7 years ago. She was 37.
I lost my step dad to prostate cancer 18 months ago. He was 71. My Mum cared for him whilst she was on chemotherapy. Two days after my step dad's funeral, I lost another friend to kidney cancer. She was 55. Then the month after I lost my uncle to oesophageal cancer. He was 79.

Now I have lost my beautiful Mum to primary peritoneal cancer. She was 72 but a very young 72 to the point we could wear each other's clothes. I miss her so very, very much. Whilst trying to deal with all of this I went through a horrendous time with my ex. I found out he was having an affair with a friend of ours but lied, lied and lied. I cannot speak to him. He pushed me down and down all the time. My 12 year old son listens to every word he says and tries to bully me like his father did. I had to sell the marital home and take my son to school which was an hour trip twice a day. All the time I was caring for my mum after moving in with her. We have moved into rented now and we are moving to Devon in the summer but my son doesn't really want to go. My ex is playing mind games with me and visiting MY friends in Devon. All this whilst I am grieving for my beautiful Mum.

I have been so very, very strong to the point my Mum said she could see I was back to 'me' again after divorcing that specimen of a husband. I have been so strong. I was looking after Mum although she looked after herself almost til the end. She was a stubborn lady who always had to do things for herself. She was NOT a little old lady. She reminded me of Cilla Black. She was so glamourous and elegant.

She was so very worried how I would cope when she died. She and my step Dad Richard used to laugh and say what on earth will I be like when she goes?! Well, I have been very strong since Mum died BUT now it has all hit me in one go. I haven't been able to stop crying all week, I have a terrible cold and just feel as if life is too much of a struggle. My son knows exactly how to wind me up and I have  lost it with him tonight. It's as if he is speaking just like his father......telling me to calm down and stop shouting......when in fact I am not shouting at all but disciplining him, which his father doesn't do.

I am so fed up with all of this. I have just had enough. Life just seems to be such a fight and struggle and I can't turn to my Mummy for a cuddle to tell me it will be all right. I have lots of friends who help me. I just can't stand this pain any longer.

Sorry to go on. Xxxxxxxx

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Hi there
« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2017, 10:18:44 PM »
Sending a welcome hug  :hug:

It is hard after multiple losses, and divorce isnt an easy journey. It is such a painful stage.  Try and rest as much as you can, you will need to show yourself TLC right now.  It may not feel like it, but in time the pain will ease. Lean on friends and lean on us whilst you navigate this part of your journey

No need to apologise for long posts - we're always happy to listen xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx