Author Topic: First post part 2.  (Read 2030 times)

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Offline Trelawneyman

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First post part 2.
« on: May 14, 2017, 05:11:01 AM »
Sorry but I had to stop and think a bit before carrying on. Never posted on a forum before and not sure if I am doing it properly. Apologies if I am getting this wrong.

I mentioned in my initial attempt that my wife died some months ago. I seemed to cope with a lot of the pain after the first week of tears, anguish, guilt, anger and incomprehension. She died suddenly, but did spend 3 days in intensive care in hospital. She became ill on Saturday, being sick and went to bed, eventually settling down to sleep. I couldn't get her to wake up fully on Sunday and had an ambulance turn up. They took her and me with them, but kept me out of ITU while they "got her settled ". When I was allowed in with her, I was told she had been sedated to help with treatment. They tried everything, but she died on the Tuesday afternoon. Never got to speak to her again!

She always called me her rock and said nothing seemed to phase me as I took everything in my stride, following family issues over some years.

My youngest son was diagnosed with ME when he was 15, about 6 years ago. 3 months later my eldest son was taken ill and diagnosed with type 1 Diabetes.
My eldest daughter was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis some time later.
My wife was then diagnosed with clinical depression and has had many struggles with this over the years following.
A year later my mum died in hospital and I was there at her bedside with my father.
I coped with all of this and strove to support them all to the best of my ability but now my Sally has gone I am lost.

It seems she was my rock!

I didn't mention that in February 2016 my eldest daughters father in law died of Cancer. Four months before that, after managing to survive for 18 years working for my company without taking a single sick day, I was diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes. I agreed with my boss that I would take a week off to get my diet balanced, but 2 days into that week off I had a Stroke.

I am now fully recovered from the Stroke and take medication for the Diabetes.

I can find no medication to deal with the pain of losing Sally!

I handled all of this initially and have also managed to get counselling through my work. I was very 'Stoic' when asked how I was by friends and colleagues, although my counsellor has said I should be honest with them and tell them I feel rubbish at times and it does seem to help, but my mood just dropped dramatically last night and I felt the need to look for extra help here.

Sorry if I have rambled on a bit.

Offline Karena

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Re: First post part 2.
« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2017, 07:36:12 PM »
I also had a terrible year before my husband died ,I don't think we realise just how much coping with someone else there even if you make the final decisions is so much easier than trying to cope with them alone and having no one to sound,off,give you a hug,hold your hand,and help with those decisions just by being there.It brings to life the meaning of the song the wind beneath my wings.
I am much further away from that time than you,but what I tried to do then and still do now is to talk too him,anyway I,m not going to hear him reply in the physical sense but so many times just by doing that I have had the answers come to me.No physical hug,but a spiritual one.

Offline Trelawneyman

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Re: First post part 2.
« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2017, 10:22:47 PM »
Thanks Karena, I didn't mention it but I still find myself talking to Sally. I guess I thought it sounded silly. I still see or hear things that would have had significance to her and think to myself I must tell Sally; at which point realisation hits again.
There's no one else to share them with who would have had the same interest.

I'm not alone at home but I feel so lonely.

Offline Karena

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Re: First post part 2.
« Reply #3 on: May 15, 2017, 07:04:07 PM »
No it isn't silly at all.I have talked laughed and even told him off when I got lost on a route he would have known.His hat sits on the dashboard of our camper and when I set off I tell him where we are going.I am alone at home but fully understand how easy it is to feel lonely even when others are around.

Offline Trelawneyman

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Re: First post part 2.
« Reply #4 on: May 17, 2017, 08:16:33 PM »
Well, 3 days in to my return to work and although I haven't done very much at all, just try to set up a new laptop, I am thoroughly exhausted tonight. Had a rough time today as well since I ran into someone who didn't know why I was off and asked the inevitable question.
I managed through the explanation and Sally's death, but after he had left I couldn't go back into the office for 20 minutes.
Not sure I can go back in tomorrow. I know these feelings will come out sometimes but it doesn't make them any less painful and you feel as if you are back where you started.
 :cry:

Offline Karena

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Re: First post part 2.
« Reply #5 on: May 18, 2017, 07:50:51 PM »
Its part of the rollercoaster this journey takes us on, and yes exhausting too,especially if its something you have to concentrate hard on.I remember when I went back to work just doing repetitive stuff I,d done for ten years,I made mistakes. :hug: