Author Topic: Karen  (Read 12099 times)

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Offline Adrian

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Karen
« on: July 13, 2017, 10:17:51 AM »
I found this site by accident. I hope it can help. 09.06.17 is when I lost the love of my life. She died in front of me suddenly, unexpectedly, out of the blue. She was swimming in the sea. One minute ok, the next she was dead. Utterly unbelievable. There was nothing I or anybody else could do to save her. She just went. 48 years old. We had just started our lives together. We had such plans. We had mapped our future together. Now there is just a void. I tried in my grief to take my own life but was found before I could do anything. Been in hospital since. To be released tomorrow. Am on day release today. I am not sure if I can do this. I am not sure I want to. I have little help, little family and few friends. I live alone. I think that is the biggest problem. The house is empty. The house is quiet. The house is full of memories. We had such plans. We had mapped our future. We had made our commitments to each other. Now I have nothing. It's a void. Have been walking the cliff edge since Karen's death, would be so easy to take the step off. End of pain, end of heartache. No more tears. What on earth do I do ???

Offline Norma

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Re: Karen
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2017, 11:09:36 AM »
Sending you a welcome.   :hug:

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your partner please keep talking to us I'm sure you will find it helps to talk things through with people who have experienced a loss xx
Its been a rough week but i made it. How about you 💐

Offline WOODY

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Re: Karen
« Reply #2 on: July 13, 2017, 12:46:49 PM »
Hi Adrian, I am really sorry to hear of your loss and sorry that you have had to join us here.
My wife passed away on 6th December 2016, i go through the pain of loosing her everyday, like you, i have had many days, where i have sat and thought, what is the point, but honestly, that will not solve anything, it certainly will not bring my wife back, or you, having these same thoughts, will not bring your partner back.

I have said this many times to people, Grief does not come with a user manual, we are all going through this horrendous journey, none of us knows what to do, but believe me, there are people here, that will help you, they will not judge you, as we are all going through the same.

The loneliness, emptiness and silence are very hard to deal with, but please give this forum a chance, there are really wonderful people here, who will listen. Not saying it's going to be easy, because it won't, but please stay here with us.
Take care

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Karen
« Reply #3 on: July 13, 2017, 06:58:16 PM »
Sending a welcome hug  :hug:
Grief is a truly horrid journey but there's people here who have survived the journey, it will not feel like it sometimes but you can too.  Its tough and can be a rollercoaster.  Its overwhelming, take one step at a time - take it day by day, and on particularly bad days hour by hour if need be.  Sometimes we need to stand still to recover our energy, then just concentrate on baby steps.
If it becomes too much you can call the Samaritans, I know we have members here who have found that has helped.
You are not alone on this journey  :hearts: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Adrian

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Re: Karen
« Reply #4 on: July 13, 2017, 07:51:33 PM »
I still don't really know what I'm doing here. I thought I might be listened to. Something that is very lacking in the outside world. Maybe it's because I'm not a youngster. I've managed the day but was unable to go to shops. Will have to go soon. Have eaten. What else can I say. I'm still alive. Another night on my own. How do you get through this?  If there is anyone out there with any thoughts please tell me. This is intolerable. I miss her so so much.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Karen
« Reply #5 on: July 14, 2017, 07:27:45 AM »
There is always someone here to listen, and we are a mix of ages.  It's not instant responses but you will always receive a response.  (we do have a Facebook page too, you'll find it much faster paced - if you find you want to talk to someone quicker.  We also have the chat room, which people tend to go in during the evening)

Unfortunately grief feels like such a slow journey when going through it.  There is no instant fix, and we can't avoid it.  It's painful but it will gradually get easier - you won't believe me now,  but slowly in time easier/better days will start to creep in.  Just need to focus on little things - keep eating, keep talking to people, finding a routine  :hearts: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Adrian

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Re: Karen
« Reply #6 on: July 14, 2017, 08:30:18 AM »
Just to talk helps.I don't do Facebook I'm not techy. This is about as much as I can do. I had a clever partner who looked after all of this stuff. Not only was she beautiful but clever too. It's another thing for me to do now. Computer. Karen did all that for me. I'm going to miss her in so many ways. I no one to holiday with. No one to cook for. It's all just so sudden. I cry at the least little thing. It's embarrassing at times. That's why I'm not shopping. Will try today. Then cashier asks where she is. Different supermarket I suppose. Everything has changed in an instant. Discharge from hospital this afternoon. This might give me an idea what, if any help I get next. Post traumatic stress disorder. I didn't know. I didn't understand. I do now.

Offline Karena

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Re: Karen
« Reply #7 on: July 14, 2017, 07:23:44 PM »
 :hug: I think we spend a long time realising all those things and just when you think you have a handle on all the ways you miss them something else comes along that you hadn't yet thought about little things,a certain food,a TV programme a song and then the every day stuff like the computer,for me vehicle maintainance,not getting ripped off by the garage,fixing stuff.Travelling alon.The only way really is to tackle each thing as it arises,so yes if you think a different shop would help then do that.Cooking for one is hard it seems pointless but is so important.I went for the microwave meal option,then started batch cooking,portioning and freezing food so I was never actually cooking for one in the strict sense of the word.Holidays,is probably not something you need to think about right now,but even with those there are options you might consider later.We have an annual meet up usually somewhere central and just for the weekend but that has helped people make a start on getting out,also some day meets in different regions that will get posted on here.I,m not a joiner but maybe a holiday with a group interest might come up or maybe like me you will learn to travel alone and be content to do certain things alone.I know right now you're thinking none of that appeals,nothing will be the same,and you're right it won't,but that doesn't mean things being different is always bad, as time passes you start to accept that its all second best but second best isis not the same as bad forever.

Offline Adrian

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Re: Karen
« Reply #8 on: July 14, 2017, 09:17:23 PM »
I can't talk at moment  but I thank you for you thoughts. She was my world.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Karen
« Reply #9 on: July 14, 2017, 09:27:58 PM »
Take your time Adrian, sending a big hug  :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Adrian

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Re: Karen
« Reply #10 on: July 14, 2017, 11:43:57 PM »
At this moment in time I can quite honestly say I have never been so lonely sad alone  desperate  in all my many years. This feeling should not have to be endured by any human being. It is inhuman. Goodnight my sweet beautiful lady. Maybe these people can speak to you for me. I love you  Karen, and always will. xxxxx

Offline Karena

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Re: Karen
« Reply #11 on: July 15, 2017, 06:23:40 PM »
 :hug: :hug: :hug:.I wish we had the power to do that Adrian,But if you listen she will speak to you,in your heart and in your mind.I still talk to my husband,sometimes out loud,sometimes in my mind,he doesn't reply and yet somehow I know what he would say.Its really hard to describe how that works,its almost as though when I talk tto him a kind of peace settles over me,as if he has answered,even though I didn't hear his voice.Once my daughter and grandson were in a car crash,and I drove down to where she was but couldn't get close because the traffic was backed up,so I pulled over and started running down past all these cars.I,be never been much of a runner and was panicking like mad but I came round a corner and a rainbow appeared .To me it was as though he sent it and I knew she was going to be OK.Another time I had a panic attack in a shop and it felt like his hand rested on my shoulder and guided me back home.Its not just times of panic.I was dolphin watching once,something we both loved to do.There were a lot of people around and I could feel someone standing behind me,so close if it had been anyone else it would have been too close,but when I turned round no one was anywhere near.
I probably sound like a complete nutter and I used to not believe in this stuff at all,but follow the rational science approach,but it has happened so often it would be less rational to disbelieve ,and if it is indeed all in my head,it doesn't matter because it has brought me a lot of comfort.

Offline Adrian

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Re: Karen
« Reply #12 on: July 15, 2017, 06:51:59 PM »
Karena, it's odd that your name is so close to my love's name. But your words are beautiful and comforting. I think you should embrace any form of contact if you can call it that. I have had no such experience. All I have are a few pictures that are kissed each night and morning. Just in case Karen can see or feel or hear me as I miss her and tell her I still love her with all my heart. This is just so unfair. No one should have to endure this. I'm on my own now till tomorrow afternoon. Too much time. But thank you for taking the time to speak. Maybe this is a way forward for me.

Offline Karena

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Re: Karen
« Reply #13 on: July 15, 2017, 08:01:03 PM »
It was for me,finding this site really was something that made a big difference Keep talking too her,keep kissing her photograph,and keep coming here,even when you don't feel like talking much. Being here is a bit like familly without the fighting.Sometimes we want to talk about our loss, cry or rant,sometimes we just want to chat about day to day stuff.When i first foound BUK i never imagined i would use that laughing button but i do,probably we all do because part of loss and especially when that loss leaves you on your own is that there is no one to share not just pain with,but everyday things,something funny or daft or something achieved is better shared.
I will also not see anyone probably until Monday,But the difference that time makes is that it allows you to build something around the void you spoke of.For me its not such an unusual thing anymore. Its a bit like spinning a web,you start off with tiny strands that feel very weak,but the more you spin and others help you spin the stronger it gets.Sometimes it feels like you came full circle and find yourself looking down it again but each time you can step back and carry on spinning.It doesn't go away but you can make it safer.I have no doubt that a lot of the strands that made my web came from the people here.

Offline Adrian

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Re: Karen
« Reply #14 on: July 15, 2017, 11:01:45 PM »
Thank you Karena, I still think it's uncanny your name is so like my lady Karen. I've just kissed her goodnight. Always ends in tears. It's the same when on this site. Tears. For a grown man it seems weak. But I am being true to my feelings and true to my heart. She was my everything. And I am lost. Just finished and been signed off from hospital but I'm not sure I'm safe. Not sure at all about anything. I am not going to get old and lonely. Could not stand that. Karen did not want that either. We spoke about it. Not very fair on people you leave behind  but pain and sorrow gone. But tomorrow another day so they tell me. Sun will rise, clouds will pass, as will the hours. I will gets mother day older but Karen will stay the same age in her photo's for ever. Beautiful, glamorous, happy and vivacious with a twinkle in her eye to melt the hardest heart. She was my princess. My dream girl. I am just devastated. But thank you for being there. Thank you for knowing and understanding. Bless you.