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Bereavement Support Posts => Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room => Topic started by: WOODY on June 28, 2017, 05:27:15 PM

Title: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on June 28, 2017, 05:27:15 PM
Hi Everyone,
My Wife Janice, passed away on the 6th December 2016. Janice had MS for 40 years, but she got an infection which turned to pneumonia and she was gone within four days.
I struggle to get through every day without her. Although I was her main carer, we had nurses and carers in most days, it was like Piccadilly Circus, most days, now it is just silence, I can't stand having to go out, as I hate having to come back to the silence and the emptiness.

I miss her so much, my Daughter, tells me that I should snap out of it, how do I just snap out of the grief I feel in the loss of my Wife.
I have not seen my Daughter and Granddaughters for ten days, I phoned her this morning, but got the answer phone, I sent her a text, asking how they were, as I had not heard from them, I got the reply, " We are ok, we are busy " this has hurt me and upset me so much, I just feel that I am in the way, I feel like a burden, I feel like I should not be here.
How can you put a time on grief, I can't turn it on and off to suit her. My Wife was everything to me. I am sorry that this is so long, but I just needed to tell someone how I feel today, I know you are all going through the same thing and I am very sorry
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on June 28, 2017, 11:05:24 PM
Sending a welcome hug  :hug:
There is no set time limit on grief and you are very early on your journey - that's not long atall.  :hearts: Some people seem to think everything is 'ok' after the funeral, but that's not the case atall.  And when losing your partner everything has changed - like you say, their absence is so prominent.
You could try the radio or TV in the house, to bring some background noise. It's really good if you can pop out for a bit, it will help on your journey rather than being confined to the house
We have several people here who understand.   It's a tough journey which can be a rollercoaster but you're never alone here xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on June 29, 2017, 10:48:47 AM
Emz, Thank you for your very warm welcome. Also thank you for your support, I really appreciate it.
Thank you very much
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on June 29, 2017, 11:25:41 PM
Hi woody.I understand that feeling of not wanting to go out because of coming home too an empty house.I work and for me Fridays were particularly bad,I used to hang around putting it off as long as possible and where previously like my colleagues I had watched the clock and left as soon as possible with the prospect of the weekend ahead,found myself resenting them still being able to do that.I had our dog to go back too but after he also died it was even worse for a while.My solution was to treat myself ,so I had something to at least look forward too once i got through that door. Over time I have got used too it.But it is very early days and no matter how long it takes you can't snap out of it,but you can slowly start to build around that huge gap losing a partner leaves in your life.I decided to go back to the places we loved and to do the things we planned or dreamed of doing and live life for both of us.Even just planning how to go about this on my own occupied my mind and passed the time.I also have the TV on in the house and for much of the time and for the most part it remains background noise.
I,m not a joiner but others here have joined local area interest groups or done voluntary work .Others taken up new or older hobbies.I started carrying a camera round which not only overcame my anxiety over being places alone by giving me a feeling of legitimacy but gave me an interest.Over time you will find your own way,but in the early days,and this is still early days,taking tiny steps and getting through one day at a time is an achievement.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on June 29, 2017, 11:58:48 PM
Hi Karena,
Thank you very much, for your reply. Also for sharing your experience with me. The problem with grief is, it does not come with a user manual, so we have to learn from other people's experiences and muddling through as best we possibly can.
You always have it in your mind, that you will be together forever, although my Wife had MS, we had no reason to think that her life was going to end so quickly, within 4 days of contracting pneumonia, she was gone, I just was not prepared for that, I know that none of us are ever prepared, but it's when it's so sudden and unexpected.
I hope you are enjoying your photography, carrying a camera with you all the time, is when you get the bests Shots, as they are not planned subjects. I was a professional photographer, in the 1970's, I still enjoy it, but purely amateur basis now, but have not been able, or should I say panic to go out and do it.
I also played drums in bands in the 1960's, but playing has been difficult since my accident, I taught my Granddaughter to play drums when she was 6 years old, she is nearly 15 now and a good drummer. I play bass guitar, but quite badly, very rusty, as have not played for years. I have many hobbies, but have just not got the inventive at the moment, as taking them up again feels like a betrayal, as we used to do things together and I find doings things on my own and going out on my own, I feel very guilty, as it just does not feel right.
Sorry I am rambling again, I tend to do that, I don't know if it's because when you have nobody to talk to, you have to say as much as you can. Thank you for listening and I really appreciate the support
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on June 30, 2017, 07:54:35 AM
It's never rambling here  :hearts: it really helps to talk.  Talking through those thoughts, worries or memories is just the way our brains process our loss/making any sense of it. I certainly found that. Theres never a need to apologise here as we all understand - all our losses may be unique but the grief journey has many similarities.  And at times it'll just feel good to get those thoughts out of you your mind in to text
Unfortunately guilt appears to be a normal stage of grief. I found a poem, which at the right time helped me fight past the guilt.  I'll have to see if I can find it.  It may be too early for you in your journey, but may help at some stage.  Xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on June 30, 2017, 08:06:43 AM
Hi Emz,
Thank you very much for your reply. My Wife Janice, wrote poetry, so I would love to read your poem at some point. I have a lot of Janice's poems that I would like to share with people here. Poetry, can be a great help sometimes.
Janice, was also a Spiritualist medium.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on June 30, 2017, 07:20:50 PM
Hi Woody.It does take time to get back the interest in anything,and its normal to feel guilty when you do.I don't know if you share her beliefs but I imagined a conversation if my husband and I had any way to meet in another life.

It went along the lines of what did you do in the days you had left.? I went to work,I came home, I shut the door,and I sat around waiting for this day. That was the end of that conversation.
Then I imagined another one in which I did more,I went back to such a place and the dolphins were still there.I walked up Cader Idris just as we said we would one day,and I zip wired over a gorge and half way across I saw the rainbow over the waterfall that you sent me when I was panicking,thankyou for that.I only did that because the chance was there and I knew you would have loved to do it. So I did it on your behalf but don't ever ask me to do anything like that again because I hated it.I did courses and learnt about all these things that I can tell you now,did you know how fascinating funghi are.I turned into a Gorilla gardener and there are daffodils all over planted in your name.saw Jules holland,etc etc
And so the conversation went on.To me that was a much better one than the first,and I know its the one he would enjoy,the first one isn't a conversation at all.

Don't get me wrong,none of this stuff was easy and it didn't always got to plan neither am I always so up beat about things,even now six years on i have black times but I do know that if it was the other way round I would not have wanted him to feel guilty every time he took a step forward in creating some kind of life for himself.

Perhaps you could take one of her poems or write your own pick up your guitar and turn it into a song.
I found a poem in his stuff that had obviously been written at the start of our marriage and ended " who knows what the future will bring" so I wrote more versus onto it about what it had brought.I made a poster from photographs of a place that was special too us and a dolphin and an owl which were symbolic too us then added some lines from  his original too it.is on the wall in front of my desk and I  look at his words everyday at work .I will try to find the whole thing again.
BTW you may have guessed by now I am probably the site record holder for rambling,but I won't mind at all if you take the record from me.That's what this site is all about.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on June 30, 2017, 08:05:38 PM
Hi Karena,
Thank you very much for your reply. I think you have a great attitude and a great sense of humour.
That really made me laugh, ( which is a rare thing nowadays ) when, you are saying about your conversation to your husband ' Yes but don't ask me to do that again "  That really did make me laugh, which is what i miss. We used to laugh at really stupid things, people often said we had a weird sense of humour.
Not long after i had my accident, when i injured my arm, we went into a shop to buy our Daughter a washing machine , she had just moved into her first house, Janice was in her wheelchair, we asked the salesman the price of this machine, he told us and without thinking, we both said, thats going to cost us an arm and a leg, the salesman, did not see the funny side.
Ironic, you should say about turning one of Janice's poems into a song, i have started to write one, but writing verse / poems, songs, has never come naturally to me, Janice could write a poem in less than an hour, i have maybe got the first verse so far, but i will persevere with it.
Thank you Karena, you have really made me laugh tonight and i truly appreciate that.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 01, 2017, 08:15:56 AM
Your memory of the occasion with the salesman made me laugh :-)  those are the things to treasure - some people never find that connection.  For me, the loss hurts but I'm so grateful to have had that time, lots of treasured memories

This is poem which helped me, its kind of along the lines of karenas thoughts xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 01, 2017, 09:31:34 AM
Hi Emz, 
Thank you, that is a really lovely poem, it hurts, but will be a help, I really appreciate it, thank you very much.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 01, 2017, 09:43:56 AM
Hi Again Emz,
I want to attach one of Janice's poems, do I click on " Attachments and other options "
Many thanks
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 01, 2017, 10:54:46 AM
Hi Emz,
I am going to attempt to post one of Janice's poems on here, i hope i do it right.

Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 01, 2017, 10:59:31 AM
Hi Emz,
Success, i have managed to post Janice's poem. This was very special to her, it was her favourite poem, Janice would give this to nurses and carers and to people that would understand it :candle:
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 01, 2017, 11:46:24 AM
Well, i am quite pleased with myself this morning. I have managed to post one of Janice's poems here, also, have managed to put my Avatar here.
Absolutely exhausted now, all that has worn me out need a cuppa now   :coffeetoast:
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 01, 2017, 05:52:09 PM
Both lovely poems.I think Janice's poem also applies to grief,saying I,m fine when you're really not.
I,m glad I made you laugh woody,as I did about the salesman.
Not everything is kept for that conversation though I keep rattling on too him now as well.

At our old house I dug a pond,it ended up being much deeper and bigger than planned but I,d over estimated the liner and it seemed silly to waste it.so I got everything ready and marked out then got up at dawn to start digging.When Keith got up it was well on the way,and when he came out with a mug of tea in the afternoon,to put it in his words he just saw a grt big crater with shovels of dirt coming out.Then I decided we needed a series of ponds and a waterfall,so it got to a point he would see me with a spade and say please don't dig another one.It became a bit of a joke,when someone rang he,d say she's probably digging a pond.After he died I had to move and ended up with a much smaller garden that had been neglected for eight years.I cleared a big area picked up the spade adressed the sky and said guess what i,m going to do.and all the time I was digging it I was thinking either you're watching and laughing or if you havnt located me yet you'll know,who dug it.

About a year before he died we lost a close friend,Dot. i stayed in touch with her husband and after keith died i mentioned i still talk too him.One night he rung me and said can you ask Keith to ask Dot where she put the scissors.
I guess I,m not the only daft one then ,and there will be others here who also still talk too our loved ones.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 01, 2017, 06:14:35 PM
Hi Karena,
I love the pond story, it has made me laugh so much, which i have not done for ages, you have such a great sense of humour.
I talk to Janice all the time, i don't know if i have said this before, but Janice is a spiritualist medium, she was a guest medium at several Spiritualist churches. All the kids were named at the Spiritualist church.

So, i know that Janice is around me, she is always giving me signs that she is around. A Friend of ours, who is a Staff nurse at a hospital in Newcastle, is also a spiritualist and i have often had a call from her phone, in the middle of the night and when i answer it, there is no one there, the following morning, she will ring me and say, my phone says i rang you last night, but i didn't as i was at work, i say " it's fine, as we both know, that it's Janice.

Sorry, if i have done the wrong thing here, i should not probably state my religious beliefs, as i have found that this upsets some people, i had quite a bad experience over this on another Group / forum, it was quite upsetting so i left. I don't want to offend anyone

Karena, Thank you so much for making me laugh again, you have really made my day. You should write a book with all these great stories in.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 01, 2017, 07:34:59 PM
Well done Woody! Glad you're getting the hang of the forum  :smiley:
What a beautiful poem, certainly great talent there! And I agree with karena, can easily apply to grief too. That familiar mask we often put on amongst others to cope
I think it's ok for us to talk about our beliefs as long as we accept others may have their own belief  - we are all accepting here, people here have different beliefs and no-one expects anyone to change. I believe people here respect that peoples personal beliefs bring us alot of comfort on our journeys  :hearts: xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 01, 2017, 07:38:04 PM
We have a discussion post about 'do you believe in the afterlife' (you'll see it at the top, in the general discussion section)  I've certainly had unusual things happen since I lost my dad xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 01, 2017, 07:55:51 PM
Hi Emz,
Unfortunately, it was exactly that question, " Do you believe in the after life "  that was the cause of a problem in another group / forum, so i think i will give that thread a miss. It was very upsetting, the comments somebody made to me over this, that was why i left the group / forum. I know that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but this person was very nasty and the admin had to step in, over the posts that this person made.
I tell people, that is our belief, but i wont get into arguments about it and i also do not put my beliefs onto other people.


The two things never to argue about, politics and religion
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 02, 2017, 09:26:01 PM
 :hug:if you read through the posts there Woody you will see that there are different views but no nastiness,its mostly peoples experiences.Glad I was able to make you laugh again,Life is bad enough on this journey ,anything that can make us smile if only for a moment is good I think.
I used to do a five a day thing.Each day I had to find five good things.Not major things but little things,something a child said,someone saying good morning,a bird singing or a flower.
In trying to find them I found I had to look for them and so I was looking at the every day with different eyes and appreciating things I may have taken for granted in the past.Recalling them helped get me through the darker times.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 02, 2017, 10:36:43 PM
Hi Karena,
I look forward to reading your posts, they always cheer me up. For a minute, when you said five a day, I thought you meant smoking five a day, I thought, I am not starting that again, I gave it up 5 years ago, had smoked from the age of ten, probably a bit late in my life to pack it in, but I do feel better for it.
My standing joke for this, used to be, I packed up smoking, but thought I would only smoke after meals, but I was having 50 meals a day.

But I do like your five a day idea, it's a bit like I-spy, I suppose, but people don't seem to play that anymore, which is a shame. I like that I will certainly give it a try.
When you say about things a child says, here are a couple of stories, one of what our Granddaughter said and a child related story.

We were in a shop years ago, just before Christmas, the shop was packed, I was trying to make our way through to the door, I was pushing Janice in her manual wheelchair, when we got near to the entrance, there was a little girl standing by the door, she was about two years old, outside, was a very busy road, we were concerned, that she was going to run out, as she was on her own, Janice asked her, where her Mummy was, she did not know, we were calling out, " There is a little girl here, that has lost her Mummy, it was a long time before there was a response from the Mother, in the meantime, the little girl had a bag of Dolly mixtures, which you can imagine, were all sticky, but she took one out of the bag and put it in Janices mouth, straight away, I said " What have I told you about taking sweets from strange kids " It was just an instant thing and just a turnaround of what people normally say to their kids.
Right if you are still awake and I haven't bored you to much.
When our Daughter used to come and visit us when the Granddaughters were younger, we were both smoking then, but we would never smoke in front of them, so I had gone outside to have a smoke, all was well, until our Daughter opened the door to ask me something, unfortunately, one of the Granddaughters was standing behind her, and saw me smoking, when I came back in and sat down, she came over to me and asked me for something, I can't remember what it was, but she said, if I can't have it Grandad, then I am going to tell Nana that you smoke, we laughed so much about that, when they had gone home.
I will go now, as I don't want to bore you to much, thanks again Karena, I really enjoy your humour , thoughts and ideas
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 03, 2017, 07:12:03 AM
They're lovely memories  :hearts: :-) made me smile xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 03, 2017, 10:54:56 AM
Hi Emz,
Thank you, I am pleased you enjoyed them.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 03, 2017, 07:58:52 PM
 :hug: not at all boring its always good to share memory's like that.Actually five  day was I think the slogan for fruit and veg.but I,m quite good at that being a veggie.Plus as we all know strawberry tarts are  1 ,chips ,that's 2. Toffee apples 3 .see I,m more than halfway there and that's just for breakfast.
After Keith's funeral service which was at a little church down by the river,we gave everyone a daffodil to throw in,as the river flows through most of the places he had lived in throughout his life,but also because there were quite a few youngsters going to be there and we wanted them to remember him for the fun person he was rather than the tears of a funeral,and with kids and water there inevitably is.Afterwards I told the two eldest grandsons they could always send grandad a message or a present that way.What I had in mind was little notes or pictures closed into paper boats,or a flower.Being the mother of girls I hadn't factored in the boy effect at this time.A few months later we were walking across the fields and the youngest who was way to young to know any of this was with us.The boys all picked up some docked lambs tails and were running round trying to rub them on each other then wear them.They're harmless but don't look all that good and with visions of the well intended calling social services ,we told them they would have to leave them in the last field.At this point we were by the river and before we could catch up and work out what they were doing,the two eldest had lined the little one up and told him they needed to send Grandad a present and this how to do it.Sweet I know but I,m pretty sure Grandad would have been more than a little surprised at their gift choice.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 03, 2017, 09:41:53 PM
Hi Karena,
I am pleased that I did not bore you to much with the stories,
Been having a bad day today. Both Janice and myself, liked watching the tennis, but Janice, could never get the hang of the scoring, so every year I would have to tell her again, we used to laugh at this and it became a ritual.
Today, I thought, how can I possibly sit here and watch the tennis with out Janice, welll , I decided to watch the KVITOVA and LARSSON match, as I had already missed Andy Murray play, as I could not bring myself to watch it, so , I thought, well, I shall do the same as I do every year, I told Janice the scores all the way through the match, as I always have, it was very upsetting, but I managed to get through it, but it was very hard, this is going to be the problem now, it's our wedding anniversary in August and Janice's birthday in September, going to be very hard.
Sorry Karena, going to have to cut this short now
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 04, 2017, 07:06:38 PM
 :hug: It took me a while to get back to watching things we liked on TV and too this day I haven't watched eggheads.I think because he would be watching it when I got in from work,and CJ wound him up so I,d hear the shouts of what an idiot/pompous/stuck up/bighead before I got through the front door.Now I,m more inclined to hang around at work for longer,the go through the front door,put the kettle on then go straight into the garden with it so its not even on my radar.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 04, 2017, 10:11:12 PM
Hi Karena,
I hope you have had a good day. I have had a bit of a better day. Never watched the tennis today, could not bring myself to watch it.
It's so hard, with tv programs, not knowing what to watch, as either feeling guilty or getting upset watching them.
Janice used to have the tv on for most of the day, she enjoyed watching daytime tv and the soaps, so I tend to have the radio on most of the time, mainly Radio 2 somtimes Capital Gold.

I find the same with meals, I feel guilty about having some meals, as I know that Janice loved that particular meal, it's so very hard to know what to do.

When people talk about Heaven and Hell, I think this IS the hell, that we are in, we are left devastated at the loss of our loved one, we have all the stress of dealing with everything, the constant worry, the loneliness, silence and emptiness, it is never ending, it's like being on a treadmill, going round and round, I call it Groundhog week, as every day it's the same, no let up. sorry, I am having one of my bitter days today, one of the many many phases we have to go through.
Nice to talk again Karena, sorry if I have ranted a bit, but I feel very down at the moment. Hope you have a good day tomorrow
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 04, 2017, 10:19:21 PM
It's certainly a rollercoaster  :hug: be gentle with yourself on the down days.  It will get easier to cope in time, better days will creep in between the bad. Baby steps are best  :hearts: xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 04, 2017, 10:48:34 PM
Thank you Emz, but that light at the end of the tunnel, seems a very long way off, at the moment.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 05, 2017, 08:36:05 AM
It truly does, I remember that so clearly.  I think it's better to concentrate on shorter timescales at the beginning,  don't worry about the future at this stage,  just think on daily /weekly - on a bad day maybe even hourly. Trying to predict the future, which our brains continually do, adds alot of fear and concerns. 
Its so painful but with great love comes these strong emotions. Sounds weird but I found that on some days when I accepted how I felt and didn't try to fight against it it seemed the extremely painful bits would pass quicker - so, if I felt really down I would 'accept' it, almost tell myself what I would tell a friend (that's understandable you feel that way etc) and then I'd do something comforting.  Some days I had a dvd day under a blanket on the duvet and didn't put any expectations on myself to feel any way in particular, ate comforting food etc
We can not imagine it but it will get easier to cope - but it often gradually starts happening without us realising.  I think that's where the 5 a day helps - they have found scientific backing for it - it changes the brains focus (I watched a really interesting Ted talk on that)
Think I might be rambling now - hope I'm making sense, am still a bit wooly headed today!
Sending a big hug  :hug: xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 05, 2017, 09:08:27 AM
Hi Emz,
No you were not rambling at all, all you said makes sense, just putting it into practice is the problem.
I thought, after I managed to get through watching the tennis, by telling Janice the scores, that I would be ok and be able to watch it, but no, that didn't happen, tried to watch it yesterday without success.
It's just so hard, trying to watch things, that you both enjoyed watching together, the same with meals, I think I have already said this, so sorry for repeating myself, I struggle to cook the meals, that I used to cook for both of us, I feel to guilty eating them, so many things. I try to think of things that Janice would hate eating, but can't think of anything, as we had the same tastes.
Sorry I am rambling now. Hope you are feeling better, looks a nice day for fence painting
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 05, 2017, 12:16:56 PM
This is the words from Roy Orbison's song, IN DREAMS, But i think the words will mean so much to people.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 05, 2017, 12:26:34 PM
Sorry the size of the attachment in the previous post, came out far to big, so i have made it smaller and hope it works.
It is the words from, Roy Orbison's song  IN DREAMS, i think the words are wonderful and may have meaning for some people
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 05, 2017, 12:28:03 PM
That's better it's readable now
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 05, 2017, 06:38:31 PM
They're lovely words :-)

Sometimes changing things can help for a while. Doesn't mean you can't go back to those things (and probably should later on the journey), but it may just be too raw right now.  It's not the same but I recall when I got divorced I found it was a very long time before I could watch a film again - as I had been used to watching films with someone, being able to talk about it during/after. Initially when I tried I would end up getting really upset/in tears.   In time I regained my love for films (and watch a ridiculous amount now - mostly on my own!)   It's not the same scenario, but an experience where I found that sometimes things are too raw to do familiar things. xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 05, 2017, 06:45:49 PM
Hi Emz, The trouble with watching films on your own, especially Horror or spooky films is, when you are hiding behind the sofa, there is no one to tell you when the scary bits have finished  :evil:

Hope you are feeling better today
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 06, 2017, 01:00:14 AM
 :hug: I avoid the things I don't need to do and save my strength for things I do.So I don't watch certain programmes,or eat certain foods,I,m careful about what music I listen too,and have headphones permanently plugged in at work so  I can put on in case something comes on the radio at work.They are things I don't mind being deprived of but going back to south Africa,Going back to Dolphin watching,Going back to camping I didn't want to lose even if I had to do it alone now, so they're worth the fight.

Come to think of it I don't watch scary or sad films any more either,but I can just about cope with the darleks and my DVD shelf is lined with Disney films ( the excuse being I buy them for grandkids )..There is a song in led miserables  on my own I think the title is,but some of the lyrics in that I find relevant.I,all look it up tomorrow,right now its late and my eyes are not up too it.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 06, 2017, 07:47:05 AM
I can't watch scary or spooky films alone. I'm not a big fan of scaring myself, I get that some people love the adrenaline rush, like extreme rollercoasters etc   but I just find them exhausting!  Lol.  And my imagination is way too active/vivid!
I think my cold is on its way out,  have woken feeling much more human today - yeay!
Hope you have a good day Woody xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 06, 2017, 07:57:04 AM
Hi Karena, Janice, always loved sloppy and sad films, here favourite film is " Who will love my children " All the Christmas related films she loved. we never watched horror or scary films, Janice did not even like Harry Potter films.
Janice loved watching Emmerdale and Coronation street, ironically, l still have these programs on for her, I never really cared for them, so when they are on, I don't feel emotional about watching these programs, the tennis, however, is a different matter, as we both really enjoyed watching it, so I really can't watch that now, without Janice.

I have the radio on during the day, but there are records that are played, that have memories and it hurts to listen to them, also when someone rings in for a request for a birthday or a anniversary, that hurts, as I know that these dates are coming up and they are going to be very hard to deal with.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 06, 2017, 08:03:06 AM
Morning Emz, I think our posts must have crossed at the same time. If you see in my post, we never watched horror or scary films, Janice loved sloppy films, her favourite film was
" Who will love my children "  Janice, would not even watch Harry Potter films.

I am pleased that you are feeling better, have a good day
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 06, 2017, 07:03:39 PM
Sunday love songs used to get me,it always felt like people were telling their stories either :whistle: tragic or romantic and the DJ would take the Micky or say something innane just because he loves the sound of his own voice. I,be got back into the soaps now and tennis has never been on my horizon but I do understand how watching something you shared can be so painful.In the early days TV was just background noise better than silence.The first time I actually w atched anything with full attention was a David Attenburgh .For me the natural world has always been somewhere I can lose myself and take a break from other concerns.It also had a big role in my five a day,my poems,and later the online courses I have been doing,and somewhere I can be alone in terms of human company but not actually feel alone.
And no I wasn't born in the jungle and raised by wolves. :whistle:
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 06, 2017, 07:23:21 PM
Tried to delete this post as I have attached the wrong poem, I have tried to delete it, but it's still there.
Hi Karena, Sorry, I am making a mess of things tonight, I think it's the heat, it's driving me nuts, I hate the heat, Janice hated the heat. I always say, When you are cold, you can always get warm, but when you are hot, nothing cools you down, unless you go to the North Pole, which at the moment, I am tempted to do.
Do you like the heat ?  Did not watch the tennis again today
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 07, 2017, 10:00:37 PM
I think I might have deleted the poem bit for you woody,not sure as I havnt done it before.
Funny you should ask about warm,I've just watched a clip of peter Kay I do like the heat,which is just as well as my eldest lives in south Africa,but I would quite like some sun to go with it,which we,he had very little of,just mugginess.

Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 07, 2017, 10:22:16 PM
Hi Karena, Thank you for deleting it for me. The poem , that I wanted to post, is now, in the General topics section, think that's what it's called, you know what I mean. I have put it in the post under the Roy Orbison words, that I posted there the other day.

Well, the heat is still here, I have been waiting for it to either cool down, or rain all week, as I needed to go out to do things, like pay bills etc. The forecast said, that we were going to get rain or thunderstorms yesterday, none of these happened, as I thought , great so I had planned to go out yesterday, didn't happen, I just sweltered in the thirty plus degree heat. Well, today, I thought, well can't keep putting it off, so had to go out today, hated every minute of it, did what I had to do and could not wait to get in, which was not good, as I had left the blinds down and curtains closed, so it was horrible, coming in to darkness as well as silence and emptiness.

How have you been ? Hope you have had a good day, have you anything planned for the weekend
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 08, 2017, 08:31:30 PM
Yes I saw the poem Woody,I think your lady was very talented its a really good poem.
To be fair our temperatures here in the frozen north have been nothing near 30 and we havnt been short of rain either,but today perhaps,well sunny anyway. This morning I cleaned my fish tank out.My good friend Pushkin the parrot fish wasn't looking very happy but seems to have rallied.I moved gravel out of the plants and he is busy spitting it all back in.Then I cut back a honeysuckle that got out of hand,and cleared blanket weed from the pond ,had a chat with the frogs,picked sweet peas,rasberrys blackcurrents,and am about to butcher a cabbage,first one of the year.So now I also have a bad back.
Was it the heat that put you off going out or is it a general thing because coming back too the empty house is so painful.Its not easy I know. :hug:
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 09, 2017, 02:44:47 AM
Hi Karena, I tried to reply last night, but was unable to get onto the forum, every time I tried, it said, Unable to connect to this sites server. Seems ok now. It was both really, I don't like the heat, but I also really hate coming back to emptiness and silence, even leaving the radio is not the same.

I found it worse the other day, as I left the blinds and curtains closed, to try and keep it cooler, but when I came back , it was the darkness as well.

Does not seem any let up to this heat, can't sleep, have not had any rain, 2.45 am, sitting here with fan on, having a cup of tea
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 09, 2017, 09:27:58 AM
I had the same issue getting on to the forum too

I'm not a big fan of the heat either -  i like blue skies and sun, but not too hot!  I'm struggling a bit with my ears too - I'm having to oil my left one so it can be syringed this week, but the right one is playing up again - its been itching and now feels/sounds like a washing machine effect - I'm hoping its just the leftover congestion from my cold

You sound really productive yesterday karena!  I wasnt as productive - my dads best friend came for a visit and his wife helped me replant my apple tree I've been growing from seed.  Alot of the afternoon I wasted surfing through facebook!

How are you today Woody?  Not being able to sleep makes it harder  :hearts: xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 09, 2017, 09:57:18 AM
Hi Emz, Pleased to hear you are now over your cold, but sorry that you are having trouble with your ears.
I am just very tired, as unable to sleep,three nights running, have had to get up, unable to sleep very lifeless with this heat and just heard the forecast it's going to be hotter today.

Thought it might just have been me, but there was obviously something wrong with the sites server, last night, sometimes, I managed to get on to it, but it was frozen, could not post anything

Have a good day Emz
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 09, 2017, 06:27:00 PM
I was sat outside in the early hours this morning.Beautiful moon and a red alert for northern lights.didn't see any but it was the first time in years there was a red alert and it wasn't clouded over.Picked and froze black currents today.
Woody I wonder when the heat drops if you went for a short walk every day then you would be more accustomed to coming back home.Also better for you health wise. You know the rolls of double sided silver insulation they sell at diy shops.I made insulation screens for the campervan with those to keep warm,but they reflect sun  so they may keep your room cooler.Our forecast for tomorrow and Tuesday is a paltry 17 degrees maximum.It might have made 20 today when the breeze dropped.Perhaps we should swap.

Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 09, 2017, 07:10:43 PM
Hi Karena, The Nothern lights, what a great spectacular, I would love to have the experience of seeing them. Iceland, apparently, is the best place to see them, would love to get some great shots of them.

If this heat keeps up, I think I will be off to Iceland, probably the supermarket and not the country though.

Have you ever managed to see them Karena ? Hope you have had a good weekend
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 10, 2017, 07:57:57 PM
When I was a kid I went on holiday with two great aunties to Morecambe.We had been somewhere after dark I,be no memory of where,and were walking back to the B&B when we saw red and green lights right across the bay swooping around.The aunties were terrified,was it Aliens,nuclear war,the Apocalypse.So I was hustled quickly back to the B&B rapidly.How they imagined that would protect them from any of those situations I don't know,but the landlady assured them it was just the Northern lights.I was then bundled off to bed.So I have kind of seen them but its a very distant memory.In 2012.They were seen a few times from the UK so I joined a fb group linked to the alert system at Lancaster uni,and spent several freezing cold nights sat in my campervan on a variety of moors that were vantage points but it was always cloudy.
The only thing that would ever tempt me to cruise would be to head up north in the hope of seeing Whales and the northern lights.Nothing on the other hand would tempt me to go to Iceland the shop.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 10, 2017, 08:14:00 PM
Hi Karena, Well an almost experience of seeing the Northern lights is good enough for me.
I have seen some truly fantastic photos of them, would love to get shots like that.

Sorry, when I said, Iceland the shop, it was meant as a joke, as that would be the closest I would be able to get to Iceland.

Was a bit cooler here today, for awhile, then heated up again, they are still threatening this rain, but will believe it when I see it.

Hope you had a good day.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 11, 2017, 06:24:02 PM
Hi woody.Hope you had a better day and made the most of the brief coldsnap.its been raining all day here and cold enough for long sleeves to re appear.I knew it was a joke about Iceland,might have sounded a bit snobby when i said i wouldnt go there,but applies to all supermarkets for me.Microwave meals for one is how I lived for a long time as I couldnt face cooking for myself ,so I,m on a mission to avoid them but they are an easy option and tempting along with crisps,biscuits,cakes and chocolate.If I havnt got them I can't eat them and I can't just nip out as the nearest supermarket is a good 12 miles away.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 11, 2017, 07:17:06 PM
Hi Karena,
I have had a lousy day today. Tuesday's, at six minutes past six, end my Groundhog Week, then it starts all over again, on Friday.
This is the problem i have, On Friday 2nd December, the District nurses came into to see Janice, Janice was speaking to one of the nurses for a long time, so i wondered what was wrong, Janice, said to me, " I was just telling Clare, that i have not got much longer "  I said, " You are fine, we just need to get you out of this bed and back into your chair "  The nurse, Clare, then said, thats what i have just told her.

So, here comes the part that haunts me, all day, i had been telling Janice that she was fine, then at 7 o'clock, Janice started to have an MS seizure, these normally only lasted minutes, but on this evening, Janice had one after another, they just would not stop, i try to call the out of hours GP, but no answer, i phone for an ambulance , a paramedic arrived, she said, it looks like Janice has an infection, which is causing the seizures, the ambulance arrived with two more paramedics, they said it would be best to take Janice into hospital, which they did.

Saturday, there was a slight improvement, Janice was a bit more coherent, on the Sunday, i was totally amazed, Janice was talking, laughing, she looked so well, i said , you look fantastic, i said, another few days you should be ok to come home, as the antibiotics have worked, i was so pleased, i was over the moon, that Janice was going to be ok.

On the Monday morning, the hospital said that Janice, had a bad night and had trouble with her breathing, physios had been helping her with this, on the Tuesday morning, the hospital phoned and said, you need to get here now, as Janice is really struggling to breathe, when i got there, they told me that her right lung was completely blocked. At 4 o'clock, we were called into the relatives room, or the room of gloom, as i have named it, we were told, that they were going to give Janice, one more  round of antibiotics, which will take about an hour to finish, they said if this does not improve her, then they are going to withdraw all medication and just leave Janice on oxygen, as they said at the moment, her blood pressure, is only 71.

At just after 5 o'clock, they removed the drips, Janice, was then just on oxygen. at six minutes past six, Janice passed away.

This has been very hard, to write, but this is what haunts me so much, that i did not listen to Janice, when she told me, that she did not have much longer also, i just can't come to terms with, how well Janice was, on the Sunday and she had gone on the Tuesday, how could that happen.

So, this is my Groundhog Week, it is there haunting me, from Friday to Tuesday, every week.

Karena, i am sorry that i have had to go all through this
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 12, 2017, 08:09:14 AM
Guilt and feelings of 'i should have' are so common on the grief rollercoaster.  Most of us have questioned ourselves, we should have done this, should have known that.  We always do what we believe is best at the time, with all the information we have at the time.  All we can do is apply our experience of previous moments. It's a hard part of this journey

I used to think of specific times or dates, but over time I have chosen to move my focus on to the parts which were more my loved one - more on to the dates such as birthday etc. Something I heard recently, think about a book.  There is a full stop at the end of every book but we don't think of that full stop, we remember all the pages, the story, the memories.  The full stop is just the way the book ends, we still have the whole book

It's not easy. 

Have you considered some counselling to help with the groundhog week?  :hug: xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 12, 2017, 09:21:15 PM
Woody I have been down this road twice my partner Mark died of cancer aged 30,We had a special license to marry in our home as his condition was terminal,but on the Saturday morning he urgently needed a blood transfusion so everything was cancelled and we went down to the hospital.The staff spent the night trying to rre a range the wedding for Monday,also my birthday.On Sunday he also rallied,spent a lot of the day in the grounds in his wheelchair His family visited and then within an hour of them leaving went downhill rapidly and died on Monday.I was told later that rallying the day before is something that happens quite a lot.The most obvious way to think of that is that its a cruelty added to all the others,but I,m not too sure.Yes it seems like an extra cruelty giving us false hope  and yet at the same time if there is any kind of purpose perhaps it is that,using Emz book analogy.It acts as an epilogue,after watching them being Ill for so long,rather than the full stop coming at the end of that chapter there are a couple of extra pages,where they have just that few hours of feeling better,being themselves again,perhaps that's so we can remember those hours as a break from the trauma of ambulances and hospitals and tests and all that stuff.The full stop does come,but perhaps we should see some solace in that tiny epilogue.

Years later I,m back in that same room with Keith,also dying..In the October we had been camping and he went off on his own for a while.Afterwards he was very quiet,and all he would say was promise me no matter what happens you will go to the wedding.This was my daughters wedding in South Africa.Afterwards things went on as normal until new years eve,when he had a stroke.He recovered and came home,but had lost use of an arm and the sight in one eye.He insisted still I should go to the wedding and I only agreed to go,if he stayed at his daughters,where I dropped him on my way to the airport.At the reception I had a feeling of a gap by my side,something I had experienced when my mum died,I knew something was wrong and ended up changing my return flight and getting lifts back to the airport.When I got back I could see he wasn't well,He wanted to go home,and I said we would but we would go to the hospital on the way just to check him over.He never went home.My guilt was that I shrugged off what he said back in October,that I don't hold my ground over the wedding and went and left him,and that I didn't grant his request to go home.The last one was the one I mentioned on here and someone very wise who used to be here said.Imagine how guilty you would feel if you hadn't gone too the hospital,you would always wonder if there was anything they could have done.She was right of course,We can only act in the way we feel best at the time and no matter how that is,we will find a way to feel guilty because we will wonder about those decisions,yet making a different one would not have changed the outcome.
The following October I went back too that campsite,and experienced a strange spirituall event,perhaps it had happened too him too and that's why he said what he did,but I had no way to know that,it wasn't explained to me as Janice's,comment wasn't to you. :hug:
Sorry this was so long winded,but I just wanted you to know,you have nothing to feel guilty about,neither did i ,but grief has a way of turning the blame in on yourself.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 12, 2017, 10:22:28 PM
 :hug: to you both xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 12, 2017, 11:03:00 PM
Hi Karena, Not long winded at all. The courage that you have, to have gone through this dreadful experience twice. Sorry, that sounds condescending, but it's really not meant to.
I would never have to want to go through this again. I am 67 and have promised Janice, that there will never be anyone else and at my age, it would be highly unlikely anyway. I would never want anyone else in my life, Janice was my whole life, using all the cliches, that you have heard thousands of times, Janice was not only my Wife, she was my friend, my soul mate, we thought the same, I won't bore you with the rest of the list, but you know what I mean.
I would have loved to have renewed our wedding vows, in those last days, but it was a great struggle for Janice to breathe, let alone speak.
Karena, Thank you very much for your support and understanding. You have had the strength to get through this, so this certainly gives me some hope, as many times, I have thought, what's the point, but I really have great admiration for you, and sorry, but I am not being condescending.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 12, 2017, 11:20:15 PM
Hi Emz, Sorry, I did not see your post, we must have posted at the same time.
How are you ? Hope you are feeling better and the cold has gone.
You will probably have got the jist of things from mine and Karena's, previous posts.

Have had a better day today, tomorrow , who knows, then I am back to Friday again, then it starts all over again.
I like you book theory, makes a lot of sense, but the dates thing, I am dreading, birthdays, anniversaries, don't know how I will cope with them. It starts next month with our wedding anniversary, then Janice's birthday in September, going to find it very hard.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 13, 2017, 12:28:48 AM
I am lucky I,be had two people in my life who i loved and who really loved me,some people never have that at all.

Keith's younger daughter and mine were at school together.He lost his wife to cancer ,they were actually on the same ward at one point.So naturally the two girls experiencing loss at 12 years old were drawn too each other,and so we became friends too,helping each other out with the girls sorting school runs braving parents evenings etc.But also being able to talk too each other,about what happened because there was no one else to talk too who understood. there was no counselling and no where like this to turn too.We both said we would never be with another partner because we would never want to go through grief again or put someone else through it.We remained friends for a long time before it became anything more, And we both knew that although we loved each other we didn't stop loving those we had lost,they would both always be with us.I,m 55 now and have no thoughts of ever going down that road again,but they both remain with me.
Anniversary's are difficult,but I and others here have found the anticipation was worse than the day itself.We handle it in different ways,some try and forget the date or fill it with distractions.I decided on the first one,also wedding anniversary, to just book the day off work and just go with the flow.The flow took me back to the river sending flowers.It kind of established that I was not going to pretend anniversary's wernt happening but to do something on each one to affirm them.I buy myself a birthday present and although I don't deny Christmas I have new rituals,based on pagan ones.I buy kids presents but other than that look in from the outside.Its not my party,but one I can be a guest at without any emotional attachment.You will find your way of coping with them but for now my advice would be take small steps and get through a day at a time because you are still at a stage where almost every day feels like an anniversary,but they are anniversary's of bad events,try and remember your wedding anniversary sad as you will be is also the anniversary of a good thing .
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 13, 2017, 07:03:47 PM
I'm feeling much healthier thanks Woody. My cold has mostly gone, just a little blowing of the nose here and there, and my ear syringe was successful - woohoo!  No more wax and no more having to oil my ear!!   I shall celebrate with sausage and chips tonight!!

Anniversaries are hard, i agree with Karena, the build up to them is often harder. The firsts are hard, the seconds are too in a slightly different way.  :hearts: over time you'll find the right way to spend/mark those days and in time you'll be able to recall some happier memories too

How's your day been today? Xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 13, 2017, 07:30:48 PM
Hi Emz, Sausage and chips, that sounds great and a very good way to celebrate getting over a cold, actually, it's good anytime.I love Toad-in-the-hole, I make large tins of it, cut it up into pieces and freeze it. Sometimes, I will have it for Sunday dinner with roast potatoes peas and gravy, other times I will have it during the week with chips and beans.
Quite enjoy cooking, well I have always done it, people ask if I am eating, yes I am eating, because, it gives me something to do, Janice, used to love the Sunday roast, that I cooked, I make all my own Yorkshires and Janice loved the crackling, when we had Pork, much to my annoyance, as I loved crackling, but since I had all my teeth out, I can't eat it anymore, we used to laugh, as Janice used to say this crackling is really nice yum yum.
Janice's mum, was Welsh and she always made Welsh cakes, we missed having these, after her mum passed away, so I got the recipe from a Welsh website, bought a proper Welsh iron griddle, my Welsh cakes have been passable, well everyone ate them, but I have never perfected them to Janice's mums level yet.
Sorry I seem to have turned this post into a cookery program, but you sausages and chips have made me hungry now.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 13, 2017, 08:08:14 PM
Hmm welsh cakes.The site we used to stay when dolphin watching in wales had lots of regulars including a couple in a caravan.She used to make welscakes slaver them in butter and hand them out,another guy used to catch mackeral lots of them wrap them in foil and stick them on a BBQ also handed round.Sadly the site has now been taken over by the big company and filled with statics,but they were such good days.Welsh cakes have never tasted so good.I did once make scones that didn't rise and told Keith they were welshcakes.He must have known but never let on. :rofl:
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 13, 2017, 08:38:09 PM
Emz, Even my Granddaughters eat the Welsh cakes that I make and that is an achievement in itself, as they don't normally eat currants or raisins, when I have made buns, they sit there and pull all the currants out, but with Welsh cakes, for some reason, they eat them, doesn't make sense
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 14, 2017, 07:21:32 AM
Mmmm Welsh cakes. Now I'm hungry!  It's been a long time since I made Welsh cakes, I'm going to have to do it soon
Your toad in the hole idea sounds great! Never thought of putting chips and beans with it - that sounds good.  And never need to worry about talk changing to food - I love food! :-)

I'm really tired this morning, my dog had me up at 2am to go out and I found it so hard to get back to sleep, mind much too active, then up early with him again at 6:30.

Hope your day goes OK Woody.  Maybe try and change your routine a little today, see if it helps?  :hearts: xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 14, 2017, 08:23:30 AM
Hi Karena, Whereabouts in Wales, did you go to see the Dolphins ? They are amazing, did not know that there were so many to be seen in this country. My Granddaughter, went swimming with them, in America years ago, she loved every minute of it, she would love to see them in this country though.

I will have to see if I can find the photo, but Janice's mum went somewhere , where Harry Secombe was making a guest appearance, she had taken some Welsh cakes there and she offered to him, we have the photo, of him with the Welsh cakes.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 14, 2017, 08:12:21 PM
I saw dolphins on a break to Brixham - they came into the cove/bay, looked like they were hunting fish.  Was so pleased I caught it on video on my camera
Often see seals down there, but that was a first for the dolphins :-) xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 14, 2017, 08:33:55 PM
New quay in cardigan bay is the best place.You can't swim with them though they're wild dolphins.and theres a strict protocol about not approaching them.There,s a resident pod,and some that pass through.You can take boat trips and quite often see them from the harbour wall even in the harbour.You can adopt one for  forty quid a year if you are ever struggling for a present for her.I adopted one for one of my grandsons,they get a newsletter and can track them through latest sightings on the web.I also kept up the adoption of one Keith adopted for me.I short term volunteer with monitoring,but cant do the full volunteering as i dont live there,soon as I retire,should that day ever arrive I,m going to do the full season.
Keith and I planned to move there,and live in a caravan on his pension and whatever seasonal work I could find,but obviousely that wasnt to be. Never thought in the first year I would be able to face going back,and the first time was really hard but I,m so glad now that I did, I feel he,s really close to me there.
I usually manage to get some kayaking in as well,even in September the water is lovely and warm. :whistle:
 OK I exaggerate but warm enough .
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 14, 2017, 08:34:46 PM
Hi Emz, That's fantastic, I would love to be able to take my Granddaughter's to see Dolphins in this country, maybe be next year perhaps, maybe, who knows
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 14, 2017, 08:41:42 PM
Hi Karena, That sounds great, as I have just said to Emz, I would love to be able to take my Granddaughter's , to see them, in this country,
I would definitely not want to adopt one, as I haven't got anywhere to put it and could not afford to keep it supplied  with fish.
I will certainly keep it in mind, for maybe next year, the year after who knows.

Hope you have had a good day, my day has been OKish, had a few moments

What have you got planned for the weekend
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 15, 2017, 09:32:47 AM
Well, another day, of my Groundhog Week, just starting. Last night, I found a bit easier, as I was on the FB Bereavement uk group, some lovely people there, helped quite a bit, being there, instead of my usual staring into space, wondering what to do, to get me through, I hate it when these days start, as I know what's coming, every week, it haunts me so much
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 15, 2017, 05:49:49 PM
 :hug: I wonder if it would help to do something different on one of the days to interrupt the groundhog effect.I know you struggle with going out but even setting yourself a task in the house that could divert your attention a bit.

I,be been to the nearest Halfords which is 30 miles away to get filler and paint for the campervan MOT is close so its time to tart the wheel arches up again.problem is its raining ( just by way of a change) I don't think tomorrow's forecast is much better either,so it might be a piecemeal job in my lunch hours next week.

I agree those dolphins take up a lot of room,I can hardly fit in the bath.Might have to dig a bigger pond. :rofl:
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 15, 2017, 06:16:03 PM
HI.
 Karena,
That would be a great idea, if only i can motivate myself into doing something different. i just gets a grip of me and i just go over and over those days again, even typing this now, its in my head, telling me, but i will try

Have you got a VW camper van ?  i have got a Renault Trafic minibus, which is factory converted for a wheelchair, has lowered floor and ramp etc.
I was contemplating part exchanging it , a couple of months ago , but one night, i just heard Janice saying over and over, " DON'T SELL THE VAN, DON'T SELL THE VAN " In the end i said ok i won't sell the van and she stopped. But the ironic thing is this, it was coming up for an MOT, so went to the little garage over the road, that always does the servicing and MOT's on it, when i booked it in for the MOT i asked Jason, the man who owns the garage, if he would have a look at the driver's seat, as the lever that raises the seat up, will not work and i really like the seat raised right up, so that i can just step into it without having to bend my legs, he said yes, we will have a look at it, i asked also, if he would check to see why the little yellow light, shaped like a spanner, is staying on, he said we will plug it into the computer and see what comes up.

Well, the following day, i took the user manual with me, to adjust the clock and set the radio, as the clock kept flashing and i could not get my favourite Capitol Gold on the radio.
Well, when i opened the door to get in, i thought i would just give the seat lever one more try, bearing in mind, it had not been working for months, i gave it a pull, and to my amazement, the seat went up, i was so pleased, then, when i got in, and started it, you would not believe it, the yellow service light went out as well, that had been on for sometime.

So, i can only put this down to Janice, she told me not to sell it, i agreed, so Janice made the seat work and the light go out, no other explanation, but i am so pleased and it flew through the MOT
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 15, 2017, 07:17:58 PM
No not a vw a Mazda Bongo,they're Japanese imports but occasionally you might see a ford Freda which is the same thing.
It was really funny when we got it.We decided we deserved a bit more comfort than thectent,so started looking.I spotted the bongos,but he wasn't keen,so one day we went to look at one he had taken a fancy too.It was a massive old thing with the wonderful brown tartan upholstery so reminiscent of the 70,s  :afro: but the roads round newquay are very narrow and I did all the driving,( no power steering) it really was an old bus.and the mileage was shocking plus it didn't do much to the gallon,so I outright refused,he wasn't best pleased.We left and drove down to the garden centre cafe to discuss it,and sitting in the car park was a Ford Freda." That's a nice little van " he said.
Argument won,we got a bongo and he loved it.But also had odd things happen,It broke down once and I was in a bit of a panic.I had pulled onto the side of the road.Then said ouloud what do I do now,and the voice in my head told me what to do,and sure enough it started and got me home.The heater was always a contest.He liked it hot and pointed too his feet,which meant it steamed up and I couldn't see.So I would put the window down and change it.But one day I was driving along the window went down all on its own and refused to go back up.So I got freezing cold and wet through,got where I was going but it wouldn't go back up.looked at the heater and it was set as he used to set it,no way had I done that and no one else had been in there.There was nothing to be done with the window so I drove back,pulled up and it went up also without me touching it.I know its the kind of thing he would think funny,so as revenge i made a headband for his hat,that i always keep in there with oink crochet flowersI have lost count of the number of feathers that have randomly turned up in there.Its more than just a vehicle though,there was an online forum for it and we had meets,so it became our social life too.It still is mine,although a lot of people have drifted away,and others changed vehicles we still have meet ups,usually 4 to 5 a year just weekends in Cumbria.but friends who have really helped me through this.Not afraid to talk about him,not afraid to have a laugh,I suoose because they were his friends too,and yet I,be never felt left out as happened with other people closer to home.Last year I went across there four days after the MOT and as I got onto the field,the air intake scope fell off

.I even feel that was divine intervention.Why at that moment and anywhere else i might have driven home and still been obvlious to what was going on behing it. There,s nothing bongo owner men like doing better than being under a bongo,and quickly established the cross member the intake had been attached too was rusted through where it had been.The radiator sits on it and had dropped.Anywhere else and I,d have been in real trouble,but they cabletied the radiator to the one above,and on Sunday I drove it home.( admittedly at 40 mph with lots of stops to check the ties) When I got a new cross member one of them even put it on for me.

I know not having the bongo won't change that,I can carry a tent get a train and someone would pick me up,but it wouldn't be the same,I don't think he would be with me in the way he is in the bongo.I will keep it going as long as possible but its 22 years old.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 15, 2017, 07:54:32 PM
Hi Karena,
It's nice when you have a vehicle, that has a forum, that arrange meets at different venues. We used to have a Chevrolet Astro day van, it was lovely, had everything you could possibly want, I had a seat fitted into it, that swung out and lowered down, for Janice, it was great, we used to go to meets with over Chevy Astro owners and made a lot of friends.
All went well, until we moved here, it's a retirement apartment, there are 28 apartments and only 10 parking spaces, which is absolutely ridiculous, anyway, from day one, everyone moaned about our van, they didn't even give us a chance, we moved in on a Friday evening, so I parked in the only available space, straight away the house manager came up and said I have had a complaint about your van, it's blocking out a residents light, I said fine, I don't actually think it is blocking out their light, but there is nowhere else for me to put it at the moment, I am not intending to offend anyone,but if and when another space becomes available, I will move it, but I said realistically, it IS a car park, so I can if I want park it anywhere I like. Anyway, I did move it later, when there was a space, but I didn't matter where I parked it, they continually moaned about it, can't park out in the road, as double yellow lines, so as much as we loved that van, we could not stand the constant hassle over it, even though, it was not really causing a problem it fitted into the space, just overhung a bit, so we had no choice but to sell it. Trouble with the people here they are so stuck up, they all think they live in the Ritz, they looked down on us because we come from South London and have South London Accents, but we pay just as much in service charges, maintenance and ground rent, as they do. They thought, when Januce had passed, that I would sell the Renault, not a chance, I will never sell it.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 15, 2017, 08:32:02 PM
That's terrible.Why do people have to make problems for the sake of it.We had plenty of room at our old house,unfortunately not here.Luckily my boss let's me park at work,and with previous neighbours I could park outside but didn't because I knew it would block light and I had a choice but if I needed to load or unload or make an early getaway there wasn't a problem.But this lot think they own the road actually they think they own everything.Park now and you get a note on the windscreen.Its a " second home" but they've secured police bollards,put planters out,etc so now I have to pull up blocking the road throw my shopping into the porch then drive off.Over the last year I,be had parking wars,bin wars,extension wars,tree wars,They wrecked part of my garden building their extension,then while I was away, installed their gas flu and kitchen cooker extractor to emit onto it.and Chopped an elder almost to the ground.I have never been more tempted to buy Leylandi in my life.Also perfected the art of temper tantrum walking which consisted of me coming home seeing the latest damage,leaving the house and walking very fast up the hill until I was too knackered to be in a temper any more.This village used to be a farming village now its like snotty suburbia on speed,and don't get me started on the " village in bloom" brigade.who seem to think they can tell me what I can and can't grow out at the front.The first time they tried that on with me I grew a lovely crop of potato's out there even though I had plenty of room to grow them out the back.The following year it was a " yellow " theme.I filled window boxes and tubs with dandelions.For some reason they have left me alone lately.I,m doing the house up gradually,then selling and downsizing and moving to somewhere a bit more down to earth.Certainly not spending my retirement among this lot.
You keep your Renault Woody,and if they don't like it I will come down and picket them.( and plant potatoes in their begonia tubs ).
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 15, 2017, 08:59:55 PM
Karena, I just don't understand people like you have where you live and the neighbors that I have here. If you don't fit in here, they try to hound you out, they did this to one couple, that moved here, they sold their farm, which was up north somewhere, to come here, to be near their Daughter and Grandchildren, they used to look after their Grandchildren sometimes and sometimes they would stay overnight, well so many of them complained about them, they had to put their FLAT up for sale and move in with their Daughter, they used to come up to us and we told them to ignore them, as they had every right to have their Grabdchildren here, but they went. But I told Janice, they won't hound us out.
We were having our bathroom made bigger, by taking two feet off the bedroom and turning the bathroom into a wet room, well , we were getting complaints all the time, none of them realised, that we desperately needed this for Janice, none of them have any compassion, they moaned all the time for the two weeks that it took, we had a ceiling hoist fitted in the front room, they only had to drill four holes in the ceiling and they were all moaning about the noise. I would move, but these places are so hard to sell, as this town, is retirement city, there are so many retirement apartments here, in this town,it's a buyers market, so it would not be any good trying to sell it, just hope it improves as the moaning ones go and new people move in, it's a very unfriendly place, no community spirit, they knew how ill Janice was, yet, none of them came and knocked on the door and asked if there was anything we neede, or anything they could do, even when Janice passed only a couple of them put a card through the door, it's a lovely place, lovely people NOT
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 16, 2017, 09:01:25 AM
Its so sad when people are like that.  I just cant understand it.  Surely they cant be happy when they are so miserable, moany and just plain nasty.  Their lives would be better if they could just show some compassion and build a community xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 16, 2017, 09:28:21 AM
Hi Emz, Hope you are feeling better this morning.
Yes, there are some really nasty people in this world, just can't understand them. Another example, of the attitude of one of the real nasty ones here, about five or six years ago, just before Christmas,our Daughter, Son-in - law and our Granddaughters were here one evening, when they were going, they wrote HAPPY CHRISTMAS, on the White board, on the office door, that's all they did. After Christmas, the manager came up to us and said, I have had a complaint about your Grandchildren, writing rude words, on the board, I said well, if you consider Happy Christmas to be rude words, then yes they did, but I can assure you, that's all they wrote, they are certainly not unruly kids, their Father is a Police sergeant and their Mother signs for the deaf and blind, both their parents and myself, were there, when they wrote this, but obviously the nasty evil person, that reported this to you wiped it off the board first.
This is how petty minded they are here, but they never have the guts, to come and say it to my face.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 16, 2017, 12:50:09 PM
Karena, Here are some pictures of our Chevy Astro
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 16, 2017, 09:01:08 PM
That is a very tidy looking vehicle,seriousel wonder what they would say if I parked my tatty bongo there.I,m quite chuffed with myself today,I fixed the hole.OK so the finish is a bit rough,I only had sandpaper and elbow grease,and the paint doesn't match,obviously Ford changed their dove grey over the years,but I don't care.If it passes,I will buy some decals.
I really can't understand how people can be so mean spirited,bitter and twisted when I should have been obvious that the improvements you made were essential,how stupid are they.
A few years ago now some kids in the village created a snow man around the ornamental pump,it featured the extension part of the pump where the water came out being in a certain position.It was actually really well done and it froze so was there a while.The lad who did it went on to do art at uni.I think it brightened winter up and a few other people commented it made them smile.Unfortunately not everyone did and complaints were made to the police.Made me laugh,these are the types who brag about their cultural experiences visiting classical arts and sculptures ,like the p***ing boy of copenhagen but couldn't see the irony.
But they're not very kid friendly here either. They actually got the roof and benches removed from the bus stop to stop them hanging out there,(talk about cut off nose to spite face) then complained when they started hanging out in the square instead.They were not doing anything wrong just hanging round together.I know it can be a problem in some places but there was never any trouble with these. The boys mum wrote a very strongly worded letter to the local rag,pointing out that if any of them had slipped on the ice and fallen,without the kids being there no one would know,no one to pick them up or call an ambulance.I think she.made a really good point.
Anyway I can only surmise that if loads of money turns people into such Misery's they're welcome too it.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 16, 2017, 09:59:27 PM
Hi Karena,
Well done with your filler repair, I think there is great satisfaction , in doing something yourself and standing back and looking at and saying YES, I did a that and I am very proud of it. It does matter what anyone else thinks, you have done it, you are proud of what you have done and that's all that matters.
I have not managed to do a great deal today, made Toad in the hole, for my dinner, got some for tomorrow, the rest has gone in the freezer. I love Cumberland sausages, so always use them.

I am really pleased that the tennis has finished now, as it has been haunting me, as this is the first year that I could not bring myself to watch it, without Janice.

When is your MOT due, have you got anything else to do on your van ? I had a shock this year, as this is the first year, that I have had to pay the road tax on a vehicle, as our vehicles, were always licensed as Disabled , as Janice had a tax exemption certificate, I went to the Post office, asked to have it changed from disabled to ordinary tax, they then said, that's 280, I nearly feel through the floor, I said is that for ten years, which amused everyone else in the queue, I could not believe it. I actually phoned the DVLA at Swansea, as I thought it was a mistake, they said they go by the C02 emissions, so yes it is 280. Makes me wonder what they do with all the revenue they get from road tax, as the roads are getting worse, everywhere is pot holes now.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 16, 2017, 10:34:12 PM
My tax is also up there in the same bracket.I pay 6 months at a time though,also the rules have changed over getting a different vehicle.As far as I can make out the tax goes with the owner not the vehicle,so buying one with a few monthsctax left is a waste of time,you can't drive it away,you have to tax it in your name to drive it and the owner has to apply for a refund.I have no idea ,part of the madness that is dvla.
MOT runs out on the 24th,I have been lucky to find an old fashioned style mechanic who works for himself from a barn.He usually takes it for MOT,fixes the fail issue then takes it back.So I don't know what the next fix will be until then.If it passes and I don't have to spend a fortune to get it through I might invest in new wheel arches,this is really only a temporary fix.Also to get underneath oil sprayed for winter.
My back is regretting today's twisting and sanding now.ouch. :rofl:
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 16, 2017, 11:00:07 PM
Karena, Its good when you can find a good reliable mechanic, that is not going to rip you off. There is a little garage just over the road from me, the owner Jason, is very good, I phone him, when it needs anything and he comes over and picks it up and brings it back.
He was very good, when Janice passed, I had not used the van for months, it wouldn't start battery flat , it looked terrible, as I hadn't cleaned it for months, anyway, Jason came and picked the van up,he had it for several days, so I was panicking, thinking, this is going to be dear, anyway, he phoned me and said it's all done, I will be dropping it back to you, he had given it a full service, charged the battery, had it fully valeted, inside and out, I said how much do I owe you, he said just give me 40, that will be fine. So there are some genuine caring people in this world
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 17, 2017, 08:15:42 PM
There are indeed Woody,unlike the garage that completely ripped me off initially.I was so upset about that,not just the money but we had used them to years,Keith trusted them,and they wouldn't have got away with it with him,as he started his career as a mechanic.But they fitted an alternator suposedly ours rebored it underpowered everything so they said it was fixed sent it back  the problem didn't go away but they pretty much accused me of imagining it.One of the bongo people had a spare so offered to come over and try the spare.I was immediately obvious that the one they fitted was not ours devoted it was too small.The friend looked at the bill which was for MOT as well and went through everything they had overcharged for.600 Quid's worth.They wouldn't even take the alternator back and refund it,so then I had to buy another one.I still have it kicking around somewhere as a reminder of what gullibility can cost. :whistle: So anyway someone recommended this guy to my daughter and he,s been a star.The garage went out of business a couple of years later.Proof that there is such a thing as Karma.reinforced by the landlady refusing to give my bond back because it was apparently my fault the place was damp,perhaps it was actually damp because she never fixed the heating or came near the place in 8 years.Anyway shortly after I heard the roof blew off.Someone told them but they didn't check for 2 weeks during which it rained a lot.Guess it really was damp then. :rofl:We live and learn.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 17, 2017, 10:04:33 PM
Hi Karena, It's a shame you didn't get Trading standards involved, they could have taken them to court and possibly got your money back. Sorry, I know that's easy to say after the event.

Well, tomorrow, I am actually going to make the effort to go out. Not going far though, I have decided, to have Janice's wedding and engagement rings and my wedding ring, made into one ring, I still wear my ring now, I have had to take it off tonight, as I doubt if I could get it off in the morning, as my fingers swell up. feels horrible without it on, only been off when I had to have it altered years ago. I know people have different views about wedding rings, but , when I get it back, it won't come off again.
Dreading the heat tomorrow though, they say could be 30 degrees again, still no rain here. So I am hoping that I manage to get there, it's going to be a milestone and a very sad day
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 18, 2017, 07:21:45 AM
Hi Karena,
Well, I got up this morning, feeling very unwell, I have not felt like this in ages, feel really sick.
Then it occurred to me why. I asked Janice, yesterday, if she wants me to have the rings made into one ring, I said, if you don't agree and don't want me to do it, then please let me know.

So, I think I got my answer, this morning, Janice kept saying, no don't do it, so I respect what Janice has said. I put my ring back on and nearly immediately, I started to feel better, the sick feeling, is wearing off.

I must admit, I can understand why Janice did not want me to do it, as her rings are quite unique, so to those that, by making them into one ring with mine, looses that originality. So they will stay as they are, I will continue to wear mine as it is
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 18, 2017, 08:14:26 AM
Could you put her rings on a chain to wear? (I don't know if this is something men usually do or not) 
If you can, perhaps pop out for a little bit anyway. Set a small goal, even if it is to walk around the block.  :hearts: xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 18, 2017, 10:02:37 AM
Hi Emz,
Good to see you back, hope you are feeling better.
Do you know what, that is really ironic, that you have said that. I was just standing in the kitchen, a minute ago and I thought, I think I will get a chain to put Janice's rings on, I already wear a chain, that I have dog tags on, that I have worn for the last thirty odd years, this is an 18 inch chain, so, if I got a longer chain, they would not get tangled up, so yes, thank you , it's a really good idea.

I am still going to go out today, I had geared myself up to it and already to go, so will give you an update, on how I got on later. xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 18, 2017, 02:36:16 PM
Well, I went out in the 30 degree heat, went into the post office, luckily no one in front of me, then walked up the high street to the bank, again, nobody in front of me, obviously timed it just right today.
Came back absolutely dripping, but I went, I must admit, I was going to put it off until tomorrow morning, but I thought, if I don't go now, I probably won't feel like going in the morning.

It would have been a better experience if it wasn't so hot, but been there, done it. ✔️✔️
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 18, 2017, 07:19:53 PM
I'm feeling alot better thanks, although the after effects seem to be lingering as I was gradually losing my voice/going hoarse on a phonecall today  :huh:

Glad the chain thought was helpful/following your thoughts, will keep the rings close to you then.  :-) great to hear you got out for a bit, another achievement accomplished.  On the grief journey is good to acknowledge, as some things can take alot of energy or willpower

It is much too muggy again, it was nice in the garden earlier but bit stifling indoors - have put the fan on! Xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 18, 2017, 07:39:36 PM
Hi Emz, It is very overcast here now, I really hope it rains this time, can't stand much more of this heat, even with the fan on, after a while, it's just blowing round warm air.
 Yes, it was a really good idea about the chain, i will probably buy myself one for my birthday.

It was nice to go out today, but I was glad to come back, but in away I wasn't , as I had to come back to the silence and emptiness again. xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 18, 2017, 08:14:12 PM
I have Keith's wedding ring on my finger with my wedding and engagement rings.But they go on a chain when I go to za.out of sight. I also have Marks ring on my other hand.
I think its great you listened to your body /mind rather than just plough on.Its early days and a big decision ,so maybe she was telling you not to do it because she didn't want you too or maybe because she didn't want you to do something irreversible right now,and then torture yourself even more by worrying if you did the right thing.

According to the Express the weather is going to gradually get warmer again and then in August a solar flare is going to hit the earth and create the hottest temperatures ever recorded.But I wouldn't worry too much because according to the express last winter was going to be apocalyptic too.Solar flares don't " hit " the earth.On the plus side they do sometimes create good conditions for Northern light activity.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 18, 2017, 08:46:31 PM
Hi Karena,
Janice had such small hands, I could just about get her rings on the nail of my little finger.
I think the reason that Janice, did not want me to do it, was , both her rings are antique, and when she started to wear the two together, the engagement ring kept turning round, so the jeweller, that sold them to us, suggested welding the two together, which he did, they were excellent.

Then about four years ago , Janice had to go into hospital, while she was in there, her fingers became very swollen, so the sister on the ward, decided, that they would have to cut her rings off.
Well, two hours later, using a ring cutting machine and two nurses, the Ward sister and me, taking it in turns,eventually managed to cut though it, but we ended up having to cut it, into three pieces, to get it off.

While Janice was in hospital, I took a rough size of her finger, as it was still quite swollen, I took the pieces of the ring, to the jeweller, we bought them from and within a couple of days, he had put it all back together. The only problem was, when Janice came out of hospital, we found that the ring was much to big, I took it to the jeweller had it made smaller, still to big, had it made smaller again.

So, I can really understand now, as those rings had so much history, Janice would want them to now, stay in one piece, so it does really make sense to me and I am so pleased that I asked her, before going ahead with it.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 18, 2017, 10:25:49 PM
 :hug: I am pleased you did too.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 19, 2017, 10:13:13 AM
Hi Karena,
Thank you, I feel so much better for asking Janice.

Well, so much for the rain, yes we had the thunder, yes we had the lightening, yes we had ONLY FIVE MINUTES OF RAIN. Just can't believe this, this is the second time this has happened in a few weeks, we just are not getting any rain, it's not cooling down.

Have a good day xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 19, 2017, 12:24:42 PM
Karena,
I have also decided, that I am going to get an Angel tattoo, with the words " Beneath my wings " as this was one of Janice's favourite songs and had it played at her funeral
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 19, 2017, 08:01:15 PM
Is that wind beneath my wings.Love that song but was definitely a meltdown one,I can listen too it now though.
Another one that still gets me is REM everybody hurts.just this week at work,we normally time a break with popmaster and just the first few bars were played but it threw me on the first note..I guess I got good at not showing it now.
Today has been muggy here and it got really dark about an hour ago,I thought it was going to thunder I even had the pre thunder headache,but a couple of sharp showers is all that's happened so far.
Going to a pub quiz tonight,can't really be bothered but never mind I will just have to make the effort.

On the plus front someone gave me their fridge freezer.Mine has been playing up for months now so at least I won't have to worry about all my fruit going off.Its been a mega year for black currents,and looks like it will be for plums too.
The owl and dolphin picture is the design I made for a tatoo.Just never plucked up the courage to get it done,still trying to decide where considering one of my daughters is going to go ape if she sees it,Supposed to be the other way round with kids.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 19, 2017, 08:20:47 PM
Karena, Go for the tattoo, you have designed it, go for it, why not. I have got eight, so this will be my ninth, mind you , the last one I had done, was about 30 years ago, so the prices have obviously gone up since then. Our son, had a full sleeve done on his arm about 4 years ago, he paid 700 for it, we could not believe it when he told us, more money than sense.
But I just want a nice little Angel or Angel wings, with the words " Beneath my wings " .

Enjoy your quiz night. Pleased you can now keep all your fruit, plenty of pies I expect , blackcurrent and apple pie, lovely. xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 19, 2017, 08:39:57 PM
Crumbles Woody.Much easier than pastry.Already had a gooseberry and strawberry one.and raspberry puree in natural yogurt for breakfast.See I start the day off healthilly,its just the rest of the day that it all goes downhill.Spinach is looking about ready for picking in the next few days and I make a mean cream cheese and spinach pasty.Spinach is healthy,shame about the rest of that combo.But I might treat my self at the weekend,its MOT day tomorrow so I will be either celebrating which always seems to involve calories,or comfort eating,which also bizarly seems to involve calories. :rofl: right better get shifting got my handbag but my brains arnt in there,so I,will just have to hope they turn up.That's the trouble with something so tiny just can't keep track.Ah there  in my pocket under the door key.Goodnight.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 19, 2017, 10:09:49 PM
Karena, That all sounded lovely, until you got to the Spinach bit, then it went wrong for me, I hate Spinach and mushrooms.
I really hope all goes well with the MOT tomorrow, I am sure it will be fine.

Hope you have a good quiz night, what are your favourite subjects ? Not that I have ever been in a pub quiz, but my favourite subject would be Music, bands, songs of the 1960's, fairly good at geography average general knowledge.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 19, 2017, 10:42:46 PM
Go get the tattoo karena!!  Lets book an impromptu meet, I'll come and be your support :-)  my latest tattoo will be 3 years old in Nov and whenever I look at it I still love it as much as the day I had it!  My advice with tattoos is to sit with the design for a while to make sure you definitely like it (which i think you have :-) ) and choose a good artist - check out their work and chat to them, make sure you feel comfortable with their attitude (I changed artists as the first one would not listen to what I wanted - I clearly explained a Siamese fighting fish of a certain size and he drew a koi which would have covered my entire thigh!!)

I smiled re the pub quiz, I'm usually only any good with food questions :-)

Hope your day has been ok Woody.  I too hope it will cool down a bit soon xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 19, 2017, 11:31:21 PM
HI Emz,
There is a new tattooist , just opened a few months ago, just round the corner from me, have seen some of her work, looks good. As I said the last one I had done was about 30 years ago, I have eight.

I know years ago, there a lot of " Scratchers " around, also some very unhygienic places, using the same needles over and over. This will be my last one, As at 67, I think I will be to old for anymore.

Still very humid , had all the symptoms of the storm last night, but only about five minutes of drizzle rain.
Did you design your last tattoo ?  I just want something that Janice, would really appreciate and will be a real tribute to her. I want an Angel with " Wind beneath my wings " or just " Beneath my wings "
Or just Angel wings, with the writing, not sure yet   xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 20, 2017, 06:53:57 AM
Have a play with designs and see which one feels right.

What are your other tattoos?

My dad always kept tropical fish, taught me alot and I then also kept them for many years. I wanted something in memory of dad and that's one of the things we shared, I also wanted this tattoo to be in colour.  Initially I had chosen an angel fish, as we both kept them.  I printed one off and kept looking at it and considering. Over time I realised it didn't feel quite right and came upon the idea of the siamese fighting fish. I knew that would show movement and colour.

I collated and printed off some fish for reference,  to capture the elements I liked and felt right.  I found the first artist via recommendation but we didn't get on, he wouldn't listen and I just felt like a canvas and didn't trust him to actually do what I wanted, (his version looked like a koi and was surrounded by a huge, blocky background) so I went back to the artist I used for my 2nd tattoo, even though she specialises in black & white. She had moved studios so was longer travel but so glad I did, I showed her the pictures, she liked the concept enough to agree to colour work and she told me she would draw it for the day of the appt. When I arrived she had captured it perfectly, exactly what I wanted. I left the colours for her to compile on the day - and really pleased with the result. So the choice of artist is definitely important  :smiley:

Oops, I'm rambling - woke up early from a nightmare at 5:30, couldn't get back to sleep, so more time on my hands for chatting/typing!

Hope your day goes OK  xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 20, 2017, 11:08:37 AM
Morning Emz,
First off, I would like to say, you were not rambling, I think it's great, just to say whatever you have got to say, it's brilliant.
I am pleased that you got your tattoo done by someone that you could trust and not some Egoist.

I have various ones, Eagles, hearts, Roses, Swallows, even playing cards, so a real mixed bag, but I want this one, to really have meaning and to be special.

Actually rained here this morning, not for long though, has got hot and humid again, the rain, did no good at all.
Have a good day xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 20, 2017, 04:11:23 PM
Thanks Woody. I hope the process of searching for/working on the design for your tattoo goes well. Great there's a tattooist close-by,  makes it easier to have those conversations.  Will look forward to seeing your final design. (if you're happy to share it of course)  I'm sure you will know the right one/combination when you find it.  Get doodling and perhaps some Google search for elements. I'm sure there'll be lots of variations on angels and wings 
Have you decided where to have it? 

It was a bit cooler here this morning but the sun is out now and despite quite a wind it is very hot and sticky. I've been on a training course, was quite random in the way it was run/structured (Im not sure there was a structure! Often the tutor even seemed unsure of the next bit/making stuff up/bouncing from topics lol!) but there  has been useful elements to take away and the benefit of a network of people for support now too.  It was supposed to finish at 4 so yesterday I arranged to meet my car share at 4:30 - only for the course to finish early at 2!  So, rather then mess around arrangements I popped into town, picked up a few things I knew I'd have to get on the weekend (the non glamorous shopping like dog poo bags lol!) and also did a little shop for myself (oops lol!)  also picked up a cute t-shirt for my nephew and one for my niece, I have Monday as annual leave and meeting my sister, the kids and my mum for a day at the zoo so thought it might be nice to have a little something for them

Hope you are managing to keep cool and have a fan handy. Maybe this calls for a trip to the shop and indulge in some ice cream for pudding tonight!

Mmm talking about food, as I still have 20 minutes to pass may start thinking about dinner options for tonight!

I hope your day has been as ok as it can be.  Did you get out today? xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 20, 2017, 05:55:30 PM
Hi Emz, Could i please ask what you do , as you say you have been on a training course, don't worry if you don't want to say, just interested.

Well, all outside parts of my arms are full up, so, it will be on the left, inner forearm. I have done a google search for Angel tattoos, so far, I have not been impressed by what I have seen, some are very dark, I don't mean in colour dark, I mean dark, as in not what you expect Angels to look like. Some of them are very evil and vicious looking, not the type of Angel I want at all, I want an Angel that looks like the Angel we all know.

No, I haven't been out today, have been printing some photos and framing them. See what the weather does tomorrow, may try and go out, if it's not to hot and humid. xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 20, 2017, 06:42:53 PM
Just rung the mechanic in a panic thinking it was bad news,he collected it at lunchtime and I hadn't heard back.Turns out that's because it isn't booked in until the morning.doh.

Pub quiz defo music but I,m better at 70, s than 60,s unless its Motown.Hopeless at 80, s better at 90,s and this century unless its one of the bands like,kaiser chiefs,killers,stereophonics etc or Adelle,I havn the foggiest.Geography fairly good except flags.Literature and art not too bad.history not good,politics OK.Sport and films not the faintest idea.We didn't win last night though.

For me its a good way of going out.don't have to worry about small talk or dressing up.plus it keeps the grey matter working.I just beat the chaser.(from the sofa ).

Good luck searching for your Angel Woody.I,m just wondering if you might have more luck searching for a fairy then adapting it or even cherub.Or a fairy face on one of the angel bodies.If you have components I could Photoshop them together maybe.


Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 20, 2017, 07:00:09 PM
This training course was a union one, as I've recently volunteered to be the welfare officer.  My usual job is finance specialist, but not in the sense of accountant etc, I also do alot of engagement and communications. It's quite varied.  :smiley:

Good luck for your mot karena, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

I used to go to a pub quiz with some friends years ago, but the pub stopped doing them.  Initially I always wondered why I couldn't get to sleep until early hours of the morning after them then realised it was likely the bowl of sweets which were on the table combined with several glasses of coke! Lol.  A few years ago I did go to a different pub quiz with some old work colleagues but they only run them in the winter and once we had the first break we never got back into the routine.   Always had fun on them though - is a nice, low pressure social situation (I recall winning a bottle or two in the raffles too!)

For the tattoo inspiration, there's so many different things you can adapt too I think,  depending on what style you like. on the theme of karenas thought there are many characters out there which could be used as a basis idea to build up from perhaps - I love the characters by Santano called 'gorjuss' (if you search 'Santano gorjuss' you'll easily find them) - I adore them, they may possibly be a bit girly for what you are looking for, but could help to widen your search :-) a good artist will certainly be able to build from different inspiration points and add elements xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 20, 2017, 07:17:46 PM
Hi Karena,
I did wonder, last night, when you said it was MOT day today, as i remember you saying last week, that it was due on the 24th, so I assumed, that you had brought it forward.

The Kaiser chiefs I like, I can only think of two of their records, obviously the most well known ones, Ruby, Ruby, and I predict a riot, I like their style of music, although I can't name any others.

I played drums, in bands, in the 1960's, did a stint as Elvis, in the 1980's early 1990's, play bass guitar now, taught my Granddaughter to play drums, when she was 6 she is 15 now and quite good.
Played tenor sax for a couple of years, always loved music, ever since, I had Violin lessons for two years at school, instead of double maths every Friday. Have a vast record collection, all 50's and 60's though. Went to Camberwell college of art, when I left school, to study photography, worked for British Lion films after leaving college, worked in the art dept, hated it, then did an apprenticeship as a carpenter and joiner. Got a a bit carried away there, but that's a bit about me, that was like writing one of CV things they do now days xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 20, 2017, 09:07:48 PM
I played piano from being small but it was classical and I didn't appreciate practising when my friends were playing outside.Then I did Clarinet at school,got as far as the county youth orchestra.I always really wanted to play Sax but never did until Keith bought me one.I loved it.I still have it,but unfortunately had an accident when felling a tree and smashed my  teeth so I can't play it.Never got far with guitar but i have a couple and my eldest grandson always took an interest so i bought him a 3 quarter one and i,m paying for lessons.I have promised him Marks electric guitar when he,s older.
Madly and on an impulse I bought a penny whistle a couple of weeks ago.Not the same at all but at least I can blow it.I can say with absolute conviction I would have enjoyed piano much more given the chance to play it instead of maths.Maths and I have hated each other all my life. :rofl:
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 20, 2017, 09:30:47 PM
Hi Karena,
What real great shame, that you can't play the Sax anymore, did you play an Alto or Tenor ?
 I have always loved the sound of the Tenor Sax, as I think it is the closest sound to the human voice.
I had lessons for two years, with a guy who played Tenor Sax in the Scots Guards band. I was worried, when I first went for my lesson, as I wondered if I would have enough puff, to play it, but then soon realised, you don't need puff to play, as it is a reed instrument and basically played with your tongue.

I loved playing the Sax, tried an Alto, didn't like it, tried to play a soprano, but could not get a note out of it, the ligature is so tight, very hard to play. When I was reading through your message , I got very worried, as you mentioned the Sax and tree felling, I thought that you might have got fed up with the Sax, and decided to use it for tree felling. Obviously, the greatest Sax solo ever, was in Baker Street by Jerry Rafferty, always love to hear that. But the all time great, has to be Charlie Parker xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 20, 2017, 09:59:46 PM
Hi Emz,
Just seen your post, we must have posted at the same time earlier, that's why I missed it.
Was your training course just for the day? I think you will find being the welfare officer a very worthwhile and varied job. Janice, was a welfare officer, for the MS society, for 14 years, she really enjoyed it.
I have had a look at Santoro Gorjuss designs, must admit not really me, they are very similar to Mabel Lucie Attwell, but I did like some of her work.
Think I might just get the tattooist to draw something for me, if I explain what I want.

Yes, I think the bowl of sweets disappearing and only selling cokes, might have been the reason the pub did not have quizzes anymore, I have never been to one, so people take them very serious though.
Sorry that I am late in replying to your post xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 21, 2017, 07:59:03 PM
Mine was alto sax Woody.I certainly didn't get fed up of it.I didn't get fed up of thevtree either but we have dry stone walls here and one behind the tree was in danger of falling on my neighbours grandkids.But to rebuild it the tree had to go down to the ground.Its regrown unfortunately teeth don't.What I should have done was get someone in,but no,I though I could handle it.cut it the right way all by the book but because there was limited space it could fall into and I was trying to guide it I  didn't account for the weight bringing the bottom end up like it did much quicker than I could move.Stupid thing was getting my face sorted cost more in dentist bills than getting some one in to do the job properly.Lesson learned. :whistle:

Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 21, 2017, 09:04:25 PM
Hi Karena,
You are not the first and you certainly won't be the last, we all do stupid things at one time or other, we always think we know best, it's, Yeah, I can do that, no problem...........................Ooops.

We had a 110 county Landrover years ago, we had a high top roof fitted to it, with the intention of getting Janice, into the back, on her four wheeled buggy. I had a huge winch fitted, just behind the front seats, had a ramp fitted to the back, what could possibly go wrong, well, I obviously had to try it before Janice went up on it. So, the Landrover was in our garage, which was in a place out of view to anyone. I hooked the cable from the winch, up to the front of the buggy, I got on the buggy, with the remote control, for the winch, as it started to go up the ramp, all was fine, until the front wheels got onto the floor of the Landrover, then it all went wrong, as the front was very light and the back of the buggy had the motor and the batteries in, the front went right up in the air, the cable to the winch was so taught, that the remote control, could not let it down, I was stuck up in the air , facing up to the sky, I was trapped and could not get it down, l was up about six foot, could not climb out of it as the ramp was basically the same width as the buggy, I didn't know what to do, nobody around, nobody could see me, good job they couldn't in a way, otherwise I would have been on you tube. Anyway in the end, I had to throw myself out of it, and hit the ground with a very large thump, so guess what, the Landrover went. So the moral to this story is, you are never alone, when there are stupid things to do xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 22, 2017, 09:35:39 PM
 :rofl:I know i shouldn't laugh woody,and thank goodness you tried it out first.It seems to me we both have calculation problems when It comes too the laws of physics.
I said Alto sax last night clearly not concentrating its tenor sax. I do apologise.
Good news today is MOT done,with a couple of minor issues sorted out.The MOT guy who has been the same for the last 3 years expressed surprise at its return,apparently his words were this thing must be glued together with love. If only he knew how true that is.I do know though that an MOT pass isn't the same as a non problem vehicle,so I,m going to leave it until the end of the camping season and get the mechanic to have a good look to see if we can prempt a bit of rot and oil spray underneath for winter.Meanwhile I will have some artsy fun with the mismatched paint.I think I might get some decal letters and spell out glued together with love along the roof,I like that as a slogan.

Anyway camping gear is loaded ready for next weekend.Sounds a bit early but I keep it at work so loading from the house is a problem but  I spotted the neighbours had gone out,grabbed my chance,accidently moved their illegal bollards and grabbed the part of public road they imagine is their private property for half an hour.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 22, 2017, 10:23:58 PM
Hi Karena,
Don't worry about laughing, we both used to laugh about it so much, I am just so glad that nobody saw me, even though I was in a great predicament. It was like a sketch from "Some mothers do Ave em " I am so pleased you camper got through the MOT , it is such a great weight lifted, when you are handed that piece of paper, it's like the Gold ticket to Willy Wonkas Chocolate Factory.
Where are you going camping, did I hear you mention the New Forest, can't remember now, I have been asleep since then.
I think that is a really great name for your camper, a name with real meaning and loads of memories, I think it's fantastic, would love to see some pics, when you have done it.
Was quite surprised today, it actually rained here for a couple of hours, but wasn't long before it got hot again.
Had a nice surprise yesterday, had a text from my Daughter, asking if I would like to go out with her and my Granddaughters for Fish and chips, so, I said yes, would love to, haven't seen them for five weeks, so we went to the best fish and chip restaurant in town, they are really great there, really nice and fresh. Anyway, I really enjoyed it, not often can get them all together, normally one or other is doing something, but now, they have broken up for the summer, I will be looking after them, while my Daughter goes to work, that sounds so silly, looking after them, they are 15 and 12, be more like, them looking after me. But I love seeing them, they are off to Spain on August 9th, which is my birthday, when the youngest one heard, that was the day, they were going away, she said, I am not going then, she said I am not going away on Grandads birthday, which I thought, was very nice, they are lovely kids. The oldest one, went to Barcelona, a couple of months ago, on a student exchange with the school, she was texting me everyday, asking " Are you ok Grandad "  she brought me a Flamenco dancers fridge magnet back, which I thought was lovely. xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 23, 2017, 04:58:44 PM
Well at 12 and 15 they will probably not appreciate thinking they're being looked after,but at the same time enjoy it.Will be nice to spend time with them anyway.Fish and chips sounds lovely,I,m jealous.But at the same time somewhere like that would definitely not be good for my calorie intake so perhaps just as well there isn't one anywhere nearby.So instead I,m having veg stew some of which will be turned into bean Chile and frozen to take camping.

I,m going to Cumbria,New forest would definitely be too far for a weekend.Going to camp at a regular spot,its not actually a site,but the council withdrew support and were selling off the viallge hall and grounds including a football pitch bowling green and field.So the village got together and bought it but obviously need money to keep it going.We clubbed together and paid for hookups to run from the floodlights and pay to camp to raise money.So usually there bank holidays and a few summer weekends.This one there,s a steam fair a couple of miles away.Usual steam rollers vintage cars and old fairground rides,beerctent stalls etc.I have taken the eldest grandson and was going to take next one down this year.

But the lady who organises the camping lost her husband very recently,so its going to be a bit if a wake,and she might not want to go to the actual fair,so if that's the case I will stay with her.
Also he has ADHD and aspergers and is going to a new school next term,so is very unsettled at the moment so I,m going on my own.He didn't know I was thinking of taking him so he won't be upset about it.I,all take him next year.

Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 23, 2017, 06:01:08 PM
Hi Karena,
That sounds like a lovely place to go, especially as everyone has contributed to make it a better place, sounds great. I am sorry to hear about your Grandson, it must be a very worrying time for him, knowing he is going to a new school, not really knowing what to expect. I hope that there will be some of his friends, also going to the new school with , there is nothing worse, than having to go to a new school on your own and try to make new friends, I know how hard that is, been there, done it, got the T shirt.
Chilli, I do love chilli, but I make it for the five thousand, I make it in a huge sauspan and then freeze it, always find, that it tastes better the following day. I still can't get used to the idea, of just cooking for one, I still cook, for two or more.
Have just had an experience, that I hadn't thought of, until today, it's one of our friends 70th birthday, next week, so I went onto Moonpig, to get a card for him, after I had got it how I wanted it, I came to the part, who it's from, so I automatically, put, from Janice and Dave, then, I had the thought, I still want to put Janice on cards, but some people, might be offended or feel uncomfortable, so I stopped doing the card and sent his wife a text, telling her the position, she is very understanding, she is also a Spiritualist and was a really great friend to Janice, she replied , saying by all means put janice on the card, as she might not be here physically, but Janice is still here and all the years you were together, you can't just exclude her, so I thanked them both, for their understanding, so I have done the card and put from Janice and Dave, I didn't want it any other way, but I thought it only right to ask. But I expect, that there is going to be many more of these FIRSTS.

Steam rollers, steam engines, excellent, really love steam, miss the steam railways, but I live very close to the Bluebell railway, so might get to go on it one day. The Flying Scotsman, was there a couple of months ago, would liked to have seen that, but obviously I didn't .sounds like you are going to have a great weekend xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 23, 2017, 06:50:57 PM
Its often the things we don't think of in advance that get too you.I don't do cards anymore for that reason,If people think its mean let them.Its OK these days I think to say happy birthday on fb,and of course I do presents for family and close friends but as they're given by hand they don't require labels.
The change of school is a positive in some ways as he is switching to mainstream school from  a special school.Which was too far away for any friendships to be outside the school,and I don't think he actually had any friends there.Its a very small school too so shouldn't be too overwhelming,he has been for a couple of days to get used too it and seemed to get on OK,but generally doesn't respond well too change so fingers crossed.
No steam trains at this event,but I quite like them,I've taken the boys on the worth valley line a few times ( as in the railway children film) I agree chilli and veg stew taste better next day.I have never really got my head round meals for one,feels like a lot of trouble.Keith used to do most of the cooking as he was retired and I was am at work,plus if I,m honest he was a better cook,and i was better at growing it so it made sense. So batch cooking and portioning seems to be the best solution.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 23, 2017, 10:10:44 PM
Hi Karena,
I do think that cards, are becoming a thing of the past. The cards that I will never send nor want are Christmas cards, Christmas will not happen anymore for me, I really couldn't face it Last Christmas, I sat here, on my own and had Spaghetti Bolognese for my dinner, never saw a single person, until the 30th December, Janice's funeral.
I know it's very hard to escape all the hype of Christmas, but there must be somewhere in the world I can go to escape it.
We used to love Christmas, the Granddaughters used to love coming round and putting our tree up and decorating it, then they would come over Christmas Eve,we would go out in the garden, and mark a runway out , with glow sticks for Santas sleigh and leave carrots out for the Reindeer, all that has gone now, will really miss it, but could never have Christmas without Janice
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 24, 2017, 08:49:39 AM
My Christmas was very much centred around my dad.  We've tried to do something new, and is different anyway as my sister has children now, but it's still not the same.  We have a nice time, it's always nice seeing them, but Christmas has lost its sparkle now.  Dont think it helped that last Christmas I was really ill too

I treasure those memories and photos, so thankful to have had those times.  But I also feel the draw to escape Christmas now xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 24, 2017, 09:11:02 AM
Hi Emz,
How are you, hope you are over you cold etc now.
I feel the same now, have all the memories, of what great Christmas's we had. Now, just don't want Christmas anymore.
Really not looking forward to next month, or September, birthdays and wedding anniversary, going to be very difficult.
Going to Spiritualist church on Sunday, with my Daughter and Granddaughters. The medium, that's there on Sunday, is very good, we have seen him before. We feel very comfortable at this church, as Janice, was often the guest Medium there and the kids were named there, it has a very nice feeling there. I went to the local one, near me, but did not like it one bit, very cold, not friendly, didn't want to be there xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 24, 2017, 05:04:59 PM
Im much better now thanks, although extremely tired as I have spent the day at the zoo with my young nephew and niece.  Back home now and everyone has gone home.  It was alot hotter than I expected - I had initially packed a brolly! But it was really hot - so think that was extra tiring!

Have quiche and chips in the oven and looking forward to a peaceful evening now.  Back to work tomorrow :-(

How has your day been? Xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 24, 2017, 05:57:55 PM
Hi Emz,
I am pleased you had a good day at the zoo, with your Niece and Nephew. This is the problem now, with the weather, you don't know what to take with you, it will come to the point, where you will have to pack a suitcase full of clothes, just to go shopping.
My day has been, much the same, as most weeks now, still get my Groundhog week. But, I did have a surprise visitor, this afternoon, my eldest Granddaughter Amy, she had just been to look around the new school, that she will be going to in September. There were a group of girls, at her last school, that were continually bullying her, well , this really did get so bad, that the outcome is three of the girls have been expelled, some have been suspended, my Daughter kept this from me, for a long time, as this happened, once before, when Amy first went there, this girl kept asking her to buy stuff on her dinner card from the canteen, Amy kept this from her mum, for ages, until they were here one day and she broke down and told us, I went beserk, I said get this girls address, and tell her everyday, that she picks on you, I am going to go round her house and smack her Dad, this episode, was soon cleared up, but they were reluctant to tell me this time. Anyway, the new school sounds very nice, I just hope and pray that she will be ok there, the other worrry is her sister, is still at that school, so I hope, that the friends of the girls, that have been expelled don't pick on her, they are both big girls and look older than they are, but when there is a group of them, they don't stand a chance. Amy is 15 and Ava is 12. I will attach a photo of them xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 24, 2017, 06:00:04 PM
Emz, Amy, is on the left, my Daughter Sharon, in the middle and Ava on the right
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 24, 2017, 08:12:39 PM
 :hug:hope the bullying gets sorted.You may find that the friends of the bully's are only friends to avoid being bullied themselves or they just got dragged in.They might even be relieved the bully's have gone, but its something to keep an eye on.
Building up stress in July about Xmas isn't a good idea,I got round it by starting different winter traditions.Me and the kids make bird food decorations and out them on an outside tree which they love doing.I picked up some of the pagan traditions and changed them to suit myself.I buy kids presents and go there for Xmas lunch so even that's different because we always did that stuff at home before.New years eve i also adopted the pagan letting the light in tradition.I think of Christmas as someone else's celebration I am a guest for part of that,but its not mine any more.That doesn't mean I,m miserable about itor resenting other peoples happiness over it,its just different.So although Xmas as I knew it doesn't exist for me it doesn't make me unhappy any more.
Last year though I went to south Africa.Its very understated there,makes you realise how over the top we go here,also very different having a BBQ on new years eve.
You have a beautiful familly, your summer will certainly feel fuller with the girls around.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 24, 2017, 08:23:10 PM
A beautiful photo Woody :-)  I do hope the bullying is sorted out too, so horrid being bullied, can have such an effect :-(  my daughter's friend struggled with bullying, for a while she wasnt able to go to school and she came to stay with me for a few days.  Things did improve for her thankfully xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 24, 2017, 08:41:48 PM
Hi Both, Karena & Emz,
Amy is going to a new school, in September, but I expect, that her sister, Ava, will also go there, as I think, when the bullies friends know, that Amy has gone, then they will start to pick on Ava, I sincerely hope not, because I will really kick off then, I told them both, at a very early age, that all the time I am around, then nobody will ever hurt them, I promised them this, I never want to let them down.
Karena, the problem I am having with Christmas is, Janice passed away, on 6th December, all through December, was very stressful for me, as while everyone was organising their Christmas, I was arranging Janice's funeral, which was on the 30th December. Janice was taken into hospital on the 2nd Decenber, so it's not just Christmas I have a problem with, it's the whole of December, I just want to wipe December out completely. I know it's only July, but I just can't stand the thought of it, have birthdays and an anniversary to deal with also before then, I am already struggling day to day, so obviously these things are a worry to me. Sorry
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 24, 2017, 08:51:23 PM
 :hug:nothing to be sorry for Woody.Its awful to be anticipating these things,which is why we say take one day at a time but I know that's often easier said than done.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 25, 2017, 07:00:09 PM
Hi Karena,
Well, I have just come to the end of this weeks Groundhog week, it doesn't ever seem to get any better.
I am going to the Spiritualist church, on Sunday, it's the church where Janice used to be the guest medium, on several occasions and the kids were named there.

I am going with Sharon, Amy and Ava, we all feel very comfortable there. They are going away to Spain, on the 8th August, so I am going to be here on my own, on my birthday which is the 9th August, it's going to be very strange and a very hard day to get through, not looking forward to it.
Got very hot here again, supposed to have rain tomorrow. xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 25, 2017, 08:16:48 PM
I did think about going too a spiritualist church,but there isn't one for miles around and I don't think I would have ever had the courage to go on my own if their had been.
Will you see the girls on the day before your birthday.maybe that would help.
 This year I actually forgot not what day it is on but what date it was that day,until my daughter and the boys rang to say they were on their way up. :rofl:
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 25, 2017, 08:33:32 PM
Hi Karena,
I saw them all for a while this afternoon. Sharon dropped the girls off here, will she went to the Chiropractor , so had an hour with them, then, when Sharon came back , she said we have got to go now, as Amy has a GP's appointment. Amy burnt her finger badly last week, on boiling water from the kettle, it turned quite nasty, they gave her antibiotics, but they are not agreeing with her, so they were going back to get a different type.
When are you going on your camping trip, Friday night, or Saturday morning . Is your van fully fitted out, has it got a pop up roof, or is it a hi top. xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 25, 2017, 09:18:48 PM
Friday night ( afternoon if I can get work stuff done early.I don't have an internet signal there but I will be back Sunday night .Some people do have conversions,we intended too,but limited budget meant we decided to go for the best condition vehicle we could.The converted ones are really expensive.I,m glad now we did that,no point in having a conversion if its fallen through a rusty floor or at the side of a road Brocken down.So we got an awning and found we didn't actually need a conversion,so still ca!mping really.Also I've noticed where they have conversions and TV,s and stuff it makes people less sociable.For me if I want to sit inside glued to a screen I may as well stay home.I do read though when the weathers dire.
Its pretty much set up now its just me that i can do without the awning too Putting it up on my own at my height being a limiting factor.If I,m taking the older grandson I take the awning still,as he,s too big for the cabin bunk to be comfy and at 13 wants some privacy,so I put a tent inside the awning for him. Ladt time though it was put away soaked so i had to put it up myself in the garden to dry out and managec it,so i am going to take it this weekend and try again.Being a druve away though the other issue is lining the cpvan up properly.Being a woman precision reversing isnt my forte.Dojng it with a bunch of people who will hapilly move any markers you leave as guides then stand and watch you miss completely for a laugh doesn't help.
The van  does have a raising roof,but not easy for me to get up there through the hatch.Also having seen it happen to someone I,m terrified if it gets stuck up I,m stuck wherever I am and as their electric getting them down is very complicated.Look up Mazda bongo or Ford Freda and you can see the type of thing it is.Be careful though they're very addictive.
I have a cunning plan with the decals as well as the text across the back.One of the wheel arches has very distinctive paint bubbles,so I,m going to put bubble decals going up from them with dolphins among the bubbles.


Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 25, 2017, 10:17:59 PM
Hi Karena,
I assume, that there are not many helpful people on the camping site then. I always thought that they were supposed to be a helpful bunch of people.
I really like the sound of the bubbles and Dolphin decals, I think that will look really good.
So do you use a camping Gaz cooker, they save lugging a large calor gas bottle around with you.

Is there a shop on the site, or do you take everything with you, or go to nearest farm for fresh milk and eggs.
Making me hungry now thinking of eggs and bacon, trouble is, I can't eat bacon anymore, I have contracted a condition, called Burning mouth syndrome, which is not fair as I love bacon. I did not know, what was causing it at first, but I got a real burning sensation in my mouth and I would get ulcers coming up in my mouth, which were very uncomfortable, this used to last for three to four days. I then discovered, that this was only happening, when I had bacon. So I Googled the symptoms, and this Burning mouth syndrome, can be caused by different foods, one of them, being bacon, really annoying, but haven't had the problem, since I stopped eating bacon. xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 26, 2017, 07:15:33 PM
Not that people are unhelpful Woody they're anything but,more that I,m a stubborn made who doesn't like asking.Its fine with bongo meets but if i want to somewhere on my own its not guaranteed so being able to do it myself if necessary is  the real issue Also depends on when I arrive,generally if I,m leaving after work its late when I get there so a quick setup before dark is a good plan.
This one isn't a proper site so no shop and no village shop.If there was I would shop there as people turning up in holiday cottages campsites etc is a big part of the reason village shops close,but I will stop end route and grab some stuff plus I have the chilli I made.Used to all go for a pubmeal one of the nights but that closed too.Someone might pop to town with a mass takeaway order sometimes.
I used to love bacon but don't eat any meat now,bacon cooking on a campsite was the only time I,be been tempted but I couldn't actually eat it.So eggs without bacon,or porrage,or in summe r its french style with yogurt,croissants and jam.I have one of those portable stoves in a case that takes little cannisters,never needed anything bigger than that and as you say no gas bottles to lug around.Never heard of burning mouth syndrome that's a new one on me.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 26, 2017, 07:30:56 PM
Hi Karena,
Sorry, I misread your post, I assumed that they were not very helpful sorry.
Well, I was amazed this morning, my Daughter sent me a text and asked me if the girls could come here, as she had to go to work. So I naturally said yes, so they got here at 11 o'clock, they went into the town, to buy their make up and got to their favourite shops, then they came back and I made them sandwiches. We then had to watch Ava's favourite film, which is Matilda, she has watched it thousands of times over the years and knows every word, then we watched their next favourite film, which is Uncle Buck, we still laugh at this, even though we have seen it so many times. We have a cupboard full of recent films, but they always want to watch these.

It was lovely seeing them, it really made my day, don't know what I would do without them.

It has rained here, nearly all day, but very fine rain, hasn't cooled down at all. Hope the weather is good for your weekend trip. xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 27, 2017, 07:34:00 PM
Sounds like as close to perfect as a day can be at the moment.Reminds me of when my girls were at home. We used to get cheap pop from the popman,van that came round every week and a few crisps and sweets,must have been video back then.When they were young it was Annie on repeat, then later sister act,which I always liked,the idea of a pope tapping along to a bit of music.I was once talking on the phone to someone about films more recently and my eyes wentvtoo the DVD shelf.It appears I don't own grown up films withe the exceptions of lord of the rings,dirty dancing,love actually,phantom and les miserables,the rest are mainly Disney classics,harry potter, and the gruffalo,
My excuse being they were bought for grandkids. :rofl:
Naively I packed clothes for summer camping,now I have seen the weather forecast,I,m off to rethink that one,and stick some more layers in,its not looking promising.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 27, 2017, 09:31:36 PM
Hi Karena,
Here is a quite funny story. I knew that the girls would probably be here quite a bit,over the holidays, so I thought, better get some more DVD's that would suit them. I saw the DVD, FANTASTIC BEASTS ABD WHERE TO FIND THEM, which is a Harry Potter style film, written by JK Rowling. So I thought, they will like that. So I ordered it on Saturday, the expected delivery was Tomorrow, Friday, so I was surprised today, when a large envelope came through the letterbox, so I thought, that's good, it's arrived a day early, it was fine until I opened the envelope, to find,  THE TROLLS, SING-ALONG EDITION, I really was not impressed, I started with a couple of polite emails to the seller, until I read their feedback and found, that they do this quite a lot and never respond to people, so this made me quite mad, so followed up with a few more less polite emails, still no response. so the last one I sent was, I have reported this to eBay, also I have your address, so expect a visit, within minutes, I had a reply, saying really sorry, will post the correct DVD out by first class post, you should receive it by Saturday, so watch this space, see what Saturday brings.
Well, I ended up going out twice today, the second time was unintentional, the first time, I went to the post office, then to the jewellers and bought the chain, for Janice's rings, it's very nice and her rings look lovely on it, so that's the first part of my plan done. I came home, checked my emails and found an email from Waterstones books, I ordered some books from their website, last night, normally, I get them to post them, then I realised, that we have a Waterstones in the town, so I asked for them to be delivered there, I did not expect them to arrive for a couple of days, anyway this email said your books are there, well, the annoying thing is, I went out at 9.30, this email was at 9.40, so if only I had waited another fifteen minutes, before I went out, it would have saved me another trip, so I went back up the town, to get my books, still, it got me out TWICE,and the exercise was good, so that was my day, how was yours ? xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 27, 2017, 11:08:33 PM
Well that's a good thing getting out twice and worth it for books.I don't buy books any more having taken pikes of them too the charity shop and still got shelves of them left,I stick to kindle books now.I never thought I would,books are more than their content and a kindle can't replace the feel and smell of a book,but I got one for travelling as the number of books I can get through on holiday makes an impact on baggage allowance,and use it all the time now.
Trolls sing a long might be interesting. :rofl:I,m glad the rings look good and now you can keep them close too your heart literally.

My day involved a lot of getting frustrated with microsoft charts and word documents not working very well when I am trying to get a report finished,while knowing that I also have to design an advert in a week to meet a deadline,while also knowing the chances of getting away early tomorrow are diminishing because of said deadline.But I've been a good girl and done free overtime tonight to finish the report,so I think I need to get away for the weekend to seek inspiration for the advert. :whistle:
So now its time for a cuppa and early bed .Hope your weekend goes well.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 27, 2017, 11:09:46 PM
Oh dear for sing along trolls! Lol. Glad it sounds like its sorted - fingers crossed.
Theres a very good seller on Amazon for music and films, dvds are often really cheap - around 50p with postage around 1.26,  have always had fantastic service from them.  Look for Zoverstocks in the list of used sellers

Great to hear about the getting out and about

Ive had a pretty crappy day at work so have been binge watching Sons of Anarchy again this eve.  And have just watched the cutest/funniest hamster video on facebook which has really got me laughing.  Time for bed now, hope you get some decent sleep

Good luck for your weekend karena xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 27, 2017, 11:34:02 PM
Hi Karena,
That's exactly how I feel about books, you can't beat a real book, turning the pages, opening a new book, just the feel of it , I have tried the Kindle thing, could not get on with it at all, books I think are the same as records, you can't beat a record, hearing every little crackle , and when the arm goes down and the needle starts on the first track, there is nothing like it, I can't stand this download stuff now.
Are you by any chance  a Graphic / commercial artist ? Just thought that's what you might do when you mentioned having to finish an advert. I went to the Camberwell college of art when I left school, it was to study commercial art and photography, when I left college, I got a job in the art dept of British Lion Films, my bosses then, were John and Roy Boulting, they were film producer and Director. It was ok, but not really what I wanted, I wanted to be out there on the set taking pictures, but no , I was stuck in an office as a paste up artist, with loads of Letraset, so I packed it in, probably a bad move, but I hated being indoors, in the late 1970's I eventually became a professional photographer, which I loved, very hard work though deadlines all the time. I was Freddie Star's photographer for six months, went on tour, did all his publicity photos, but he was very hard work and very unpredictable. So that's a bit of insight into my " David Bailey " days. Hope you enjoy your weekend trip, have fun xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 27, 2017, 11:46:26 PM
Hi Emz,
How are you, that you for the Amazon seller, I will look them up. I have bought loads of CD/ DVDs from EBay previously never really had a problem until now, still there is always one. I don't mind buying stuff from eBay, but I couldn't stand the hassle of selling stuff on there. I have some cameras and lenses, surplus to requirements, but would rather sell to a dealer at a loss, than have, someone saying, this is broken or I never received it , or it's not how you described it, that would do my head in. Not a good day at work you said, what happened ? How are you getting on about the welfare officer job, any news about it ? Sons of anarchy, I have seen it advertised, but never watched it, its about a biker gang isn't it ?. Yes, I might even get used to this going out lark, but I am not rushing it.
Hope you have a better day tomorrow xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 28, 2017, 04:05:29 PM
The founder of this site, Dave, is a keen photographer - bet you'd both have loads to talk about!   I love photography and take loads of photos - mainly for instagram (it started with a daily challenge). I found it helped me on my journey, I find it a form of mindfulness now

We found out recently my team are being made redundant early next year. Along with a few other things made it a particularly crappy day at work.  My newfound welfare officer role may be short lived lol!

Hope your day has been ok. Did you get out today? Xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 28, 2017, 04:40:33 PM
Hi Emz,
Yes, I have already exchanged posts, with Dave about our photographic interests, he post one of his portraits, it's very good.
Are you doing one of these 365 photos, that a lot of people have started doing, a photo every day of the year, I often wonder, how many people complete it, it's like New Years resolutions and diets, not many stick to them.
Have you been with the company long ? Have you any idea, what you are going to do ?
It's sounds like you need a change from there Emz, as you are having to many crappy days there, so it will be good to have a fresh start somewhere else.
No, haven't been out today, have felt the gloom coming down again xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 28, 2017, 06:56:01 PM
I've done a couple of shorter challenges, that run for a month.  You are given a word/prompt for each day of the month, something like 'yellow', 'happiness' etc (depending on the theme) and then you add a photo for each one.  Gave me something to focus on, plan ahead for, be aware of my surroundings and try out different ways to look at/photo something. As there was a hashtag you could see everyone elses interpretation of the word which I found interesting too.  I think it improved the quality of my photos a bit :-)

Ive been with my work for around 14 years.  I also found my feelings towards work changed quite a bit after I lost my dad, it lost a level of importance.  I regret working so hard during my dads treatment, they never appreciated the work I squeezed in whilst my dad slept etc. dont think it helped when they also relocated our office which quadrupled my commute.  It may indeed be the right time for a change!

Yes, sons of anarchy is about a biker gang.  I get really absorbed into it, so can be great to escape reality for a bit :-)

What have you planned for over the weekend? Xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 28, 2017, 07:16:39 PM
Hi Emz,
Yes, it definitely sounds like you are ready for a change. Have you any idea what you want to do when you are made redundant?
Maybe, we should start our own photographic challenge for people here, to partake in, it may help, to get people out and more focused, no not meant to be a pun. People like me, who are struggling with going out. Don't know if there would be enough interest though

On Sunday, I am going to the Spiritualist church, with my Daughter and Granddaughters, it is the church, where Janice, was often the guest medium there, we always loved it there, all the kids were named there, it's a really lovely place. So nothing else doing over the weekend, what about you, are you going anywhere ?
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on July 29, 2017, 01:53:57 PM
Im off to the theatre to watch Grease with my mum and sister, setting off now xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 29, 2017, 02:18:32 PM
Hi Emz,
That's brilliant, I think the film Grease, is great, always watching it.
Hope the show is good, enjoy it xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 30, 2017, 08:59:00 PM
Well I can safely say that when it comes to mud we out competed Glastonbury. Only in the UK would you see benches of people drinking beer with their feet in 6 inches of water sitting on top of mud.Being the ladylike mature person I am,I did not in anyway encourage small children by jumping up and down in it. :whistle: and no I didn't take my wellies,and at an opportunistic forty quid a pair didn't buy any either. :rofl:
But overall a good weekend,lots of laughs and a few tears.Got that pit of the stomach empty house syndrome on the way home,but a warm bath,change out of damp clothes and poldark should help.
Woody do you still have records.Some of my Motown and northern soul downloads have the crackle,I guess they couldn't dub them out or chose not too.
I do work in graphic design but fell into it,no qualifications and I,m pretty sure if my school art teacher knew she would roll on the floor laughing.I was doing travel and tourism VTEC when Mark got I'll and left to look after him,which he wasn't happy about,so I promised to go back.After he died I finished that and a couple of A levels in the year then was persuaded to do HND.Then got accepted at a couple of units for degree top up,but the girls were growing up by then and I didn't want to move them and couldn't afford travel,so topped up with the only degree course the local college did which was business admin.Not my cup of tea,but in order to avoid producing endless chart style presentations that you had to stand up and tLk through I pushed PowerPoint to extremes adding music and photos and dialogue so they completely self ran.Doing that I discovered Photoshop.So went for work experience with the company I work for,which was supposed to be admin,but their adverts were really bad,so I designed one in my own time.They gave me part time work doing dispatch then when I got my degree full time doing that and designing adverts,packaging etc.As they grew in size that evolved to full time design. More recently while trying to find a way forward after losing Keith too,i did a few future learn courses and found i could write too,learned about permaculture and one day the dots joined up and I,m doing some voluntary stuff for a school gardens project in Africa.Not only great fun to do but a really worthwhile project.
Poldark is calling so I will wish you goodnight.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 30, 2017, 10:44:35 PM
Hi Karena,
I am really pleased you have a good weekend, but a real shame about the weather, it was good, that you had some laughs.
Karena, yes, I still have hundreds of 45's, EP's and LP's. I love records, this is going to sound really stupid though, at the moment, I have nothing to play them on, we were contemplating, buying a refurbished Dansette record player, as both Janice and myself, had them, when we were teenagers, unfortunately, we never got one and I haven't really thought about getting one at the moment, maybe I will, not sure, as it was something that we were both looking forward to doing.

I use Photoshop, but mine, is quite an old version now, I have CS3, the complete collection, it has things on it, that I have never used and probably never will, I looked at updating it, but to be quite honest, this has everything on it that I need, I started off using Adobe Elenents, they are fairly good, but I moved up to CS3 about nine years ago.

Hope you enjoy Poldark, hope you have a good day tomorrow xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on July 31, 2017, 08:49:02 PM
Hi Woody.My take on things like getting the record player is that although it might be painful doing something alone that you should have done together,the reverse side is that although you lost the greatest love,there is no reason to lose everything you love to do.I went back to dolphin watching because not going wasn't going to bring him back or make me feel any better,all it would do would take away something else.The first time was a mixed bag,but I,m glad now I did go.I think it would be the same with your record player.
I have been using Photoshop for many years now on a daily basis,and i still sometimes have to google how to do something and still get suprises about its abilkitys.its all monthly subscription now rather than major updates,but if I,m honest it does what I need,and yes the updates might do it quicker or automatically but by the time I,be looked at the new way,I can just have done it the old way on autopilot,so unless what I actually wNt to do is new I just carry on as usual.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on July 31, 2017, 11:10:48 PM
Hi Karena,
I think you are right, but I still feel, at the moment, I don't feel comfortable doing things without Janice, I think I need more time before I can bring myself to do that.

With regards to Adobe, I think they are just a money making machine, as I told you, I have CS3, the complete suite, I think it's called, as I said, half of it I don't understand and will never use, but when I looked at CS4, CS5, CS6, the difference for me was minimal and for what they charge, unless you are lucky enough to be able to qualify for the student discount, the amount they charge for it is extortionate. I know obviously in your occupation, you need to be up on the latest technology, I bought loads of massive great thick books, explaining all about photoshop, don't think I have ever read any of them. I think they tend to go into more detail than the average user is ever going to need. I have managed to work out, what I need to do, without a volume the size of War and Peace. I have concentrated more on my cameras, than my editing software, I do like my cameras, I still like to use film, as well as digital. I have never seen a really true Black and White print from digital, but film B/W are excellent. xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on August 01, 2017, 11:17:23 PM
 :hug:of course you need more time its still very early days.It was 18 months before I went back to Wales,I went back too other places earlier than that,but this was special,this was the place we were going to throw up our lives and move too,and even then the first visit was difficult I thought perhaps I wouldn't do it again but I did,and the next time some of the magic came back but then by the next time I started to feel that I am really close too him there.
I agree Photoshop is probably way over the top for photo editing and your skill is in the taking of the photo,and i think there is always a danger that you can spoil them with faked special effects, where as I,m using it to create graphics which is different.I dont have the camera or the skills to take really good photographs,just an eye for the unusual or an angle.I often use photos as background material  or a part of a whole scene for work there isn't a thing or object to photo,software is just code,in this case it is used to design hardware so the people who do that are the buyers .No matter how well its photographed a microchip or circuit board on a flat surface isn't very exciting, and both are only a part of an electronic design system but there isn't a message there either. but put into a situation those objects and even a representative section of code become something more alive,so for example I have made a cityscape with buidings made from circuit boards,and roads from  a photo of  traffic blurred  so you just see the lights,to give an illusion of speed and flow to advertise an autorouter within the software, the but that's not something that could be photographed because it doesn't exist in any 2 dimensional static graphic form.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on August 01, 2017, 11:48:28 PM
Hi Karena,
I am just amazed, at what you are able to do with your designs, when you talk about code, that is way over my head, I have not got the faintest idea about it, but, I have great respect for you and people that can do these things. A friend of ours, is a computer programmer, well he is retired now, but when we got our first computer, in 2005, he came round to show us how to use it, to be honest, he was going far to quick, and all going over my head, in the end, I said, " Paul, leave me alone, I will figure it out myself, which I did, ironically, I surprised myself, and actually took to it very easily, it even came to the point, where I had my Daughters asking me how to do things on the computer, but I have to say, that my Granddaughters out do me now, so of the things they do, really amaze me.

The youngest Grandaughter, used to really like Fairies, when she was younger, so I took a photo of there back garden, then found a photo of a Fairy Grotto on Google, it put the Fairy grotto photo into the photo of the back garden. The next time I saw the girls, I said to Ava, the youngest, you have got fairies in your back garden, so I showed her the photo, with her garden, with the Fairy grotto, she said Wow, that's great, but straight away, the eldest one said you did that on the computer Grabdad, I said no I didn't, you have got fairies in you garden, she replied with, show me the photo, in your canera, you just can't pull the wool over their eyes, no fooling them anymore.  But we said to them, when you stop believing in The tooth Fairy, Father Christmas, and the Easter Bunny, then you don't get anymore presents, even though they still say, yes, we believe in them, I don't think they do.

It's lovely, in the years, with the kids, when the magic is there, but they soon grow up, I really miss, those early years. xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on August 02, 2017, 08:43:35 PM
I,m not a programmer,a bit of HTML and that's about my lot.The programmers at work speak an entirely different language to me so if I need to stick some code into a graphic I have to get them to send me it then just copy. It,so not at all clever,but been doing the job a long time and you can't do 16 years of 8 hour days without picking some stuff up.
In our old house we had stone steps that went to no where.It was very old 16 the century so at some point they would have gone somewhere but when we were there just curved round behind the massive fireplace and met the ceiling at the top.But not very toddler friendly,so we used to tell them not to go up there because they would wake the dragon up.I put a stone agg in the centre of a pile of smaller stones and this was the dragons nest so they couldn't pass it.Then in wales I found a smoking dragon,you light incense cone under it so the smoke comes down its nostrils.So if they were being very naughty I would light it and tell them the dragon was getting mad.
They also thought I was a witch because I made magic healing lotion ( comfrey salve) so I didn't put them straight.The eldest know different now of course but at least they didn't grow up thinking all us witches are evil. :rofl:
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on August 02, 2017, 09:51:18 PM
Hi Karena,
That has really made me laugh, about the Welsh Dragon, that is absolutely brilliant. The things that we tel kids. Sometimes they backfire on us, when I have said to them, never tell lies, they have come back with, Well, Mummy, Nana and you do, when you said that there were Fairies and the tooth fairy, etc, it's hard then to convince them, that they are not lies, just stories, like Fairy tales.

Have had my eldest Granddaughter Amy, here all afternoon, she had the chance to go to a stage school work shop, this week, as she has been given a scholarship for drama classes, starting in September. Anyway, she went there on Monday, she wasn't that impressed, I said well, it's all new to you, it will be better tomorrow, well it wasn't, she said she felt very left out there, as all the others, had been going there a long time and she said they were very cliquey, Amy, is not by any means shy,but she said none of them wanted to talk to her, I said, Amy, in the world of acting, some of them, have massive great big egos, they all think the are going to be big stars overnight , but the ones with that attitude, never make it, I said it's a very hard thing to got on in, it's very hard work and expect loads of disappointments, when you don't get the parts, but, at the moment, this is what she wants to do, so we have said we will do all we can to support you, the hard work, is down to you. Amy, is very creative, very arty, she also designs some of her and her sisters clothes, which they make between them. I did say to her at one point, why don't you think about being a costume designer or set designer, then get into the acting side through doing that, but at the moment it's all about the acting.

We sat and watched FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM, Amy had already seen it at the cinema, but still wanted to watch it again, I really enjoyed it, the effects in it are amazing.

How has your week been so far, have you managed to finish the AD , that you were working on ?
Been pouring with rain here, most of the day, overcast, but not any cooler xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on August 03, 2017, 10:02:46 AM
Hi woody.Ad not finished but i,m getting there.

Its good that Amy can talk too you about stuff thats bothering her.I agree with you she needs to stick with it, I did drams at school and a workshop after college.It isnt me at all now, the idea of standing on a stage frightens the life out of me, but it was more about enjoying the narrative anyway -never an ambition.But i do remeber at the college one,they did what was called trust excercises.Some of it was falling backwards and trusting people to catch you (it was the 70,s) but a simple one and one which came out whenever some-one new joined was standing in a circle with a ball and you had to throw the ball and say some-ones name and they had to catch it, not only got to know peoples names but also was a bit of a laugh so broke the ice. Naturally the newbie got the ball first so they couldnt be left out by the others.I hope the teacher/leader spots the difficulty and is able to come up with a creative solution to help her fit in.I havnt seen fantsatic beasts yet, i think both older grandkids might appreciate it though so i will look for it next time i go to town.

Also raining here, and what us notherners call cllaggy, two days no since we saw any daylight.I really hate this kind of weather,totally depressing. I think because we are surounded by hills there never seems to be any sky, so you only get to see a limited expanse and its very dark unless the sun is shining.I shall bear that in mind when i get round to moving and look for somewhere with open views -but then i once lived on top of the moors and that was constantly shrouded in mist so no better.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on August 03, 2017, 07:24:22 PM
Hi Karena,
I had a strange message today, I was replying to a text from our friends, that had gone up to Scotland, for a seaplane trip over Aaron and the isles, it was for John's 70 th birthday, him and his wife, Christine, go to Aaron every year for their holiday, but this was an extra trip .

Right, so I was replying to a text they had sent me, when all of a sudden, my Daughters address and phone number appeared in the message I was typing, I told Christine about this, as she is also a Spiritualist and would often receive messages from Janice. The first thing I thought, was something has happened to my Daughter or Granddaughters, I phoned them straight away and thankfully they are all ok, but there was obviously a reason for this message, but I don't know what.

The girls went and had their nails done today in very vivid Pink, they are off to Spain on Tuesday, they go out there every year, as their Dad's Aunt lives out there, so they stay with her, it's in Alacante.

Hope you have had a good non stressful day xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on August 03, 2017, 08:08:25 PM
I always think you should go with your instinct on stuff like that.Your instinct was to phone your daughter and you followed it.You may never know why perhaps answering the phone to you created a split second time difference that changed something that could have been detrimental to her or you but didn't happen because of the call.

I,m sure the girls must look fab with their pink nails,

I was up very late last night finally got to sleep about 3 am then woke suddenly with a voice calling my name just once and it was a mans voice,must have been dreaming I suppose but I don't remember dreaming at all which is unusual for me.Anyway as a result was wide awake again so I,m really short on sleep today,almost head butted the computer screen at work at one point when I almost dropped off,but typical am too wide awake now for an early night,maybe I should work nights  :rofl:
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on August 03, 2017, 09:42:10 PM
Hi Karena,
The messages, have just taken a different turn, I have just had a message from my Daughter, saying we are all ok, but she said she didn't send it and I am getting phone calls on my mobile, with No caller ID, just very strange, just don't know what it means, I am worried as they are going to Spain on Tuesday, I can't really tell them not to go, as I am worried something is going to happen.

We all dream, subconsciously, so maybe the voice has been calling you before, but you never heard it, this time, you were at the sleep stage where you dream, and this is probably why you heard it this time, I don't know what that stage of sleep is called, but I am not sure if it's when you are in a really deep sleep. What time did your Husband pass ? The reason I ask is, there are a great deal of people, that pass, between 2am and 3am . Also as you are under pressure at work, that is obviously playing on your mind and causing your dreams.

Hope things at work , are easier for you tomorrow xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on August 04, 2017, 12:48:19 PM
 :hug:it does seem very odd -and i know its a waste of breath saying dont worry, because worry is the default position for all of us after losing a loved one.

If there is a message it doesnt mean its something bad at all but perhaps her way of saying happy birthday..Also if you were already worrying about them being in spain  "we are all ok" coming from your daughters phone may have been sent as reassurance that they will indeed all be ok.

Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on August 05, 2017, 11:06:44 AM
Hi Karena,
You are right, we cannot stop worrying.
Sorry, did not reply yesterday, but my Groundhog week, started again last night, had a really bad night.
How are you ? Hope you are having a less stressful time at work now. What have you got planned for the weekend? xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on August 05, 2017, 02:08:31 PM
 :hug: hope you have a better night soon.
Finished the report and did a first copy of the ad.Needs refining but there are two to chose from now and I,m not spending hours slaving over a hot computer until they decide which one they're going to go with.
Not got anything planned for the weekend really.Had a groundhog Friday myself yesterday,everyone at work all ready to be off on the dot,all going home to family and weekend fun except me. :cray:But have learned to live with that, so it didnt last too long. Spent some timme throwing mealworms to scruffy ,bar of chocolate nice bath and i was ok again
Good thing I didn't have any plans because I got up,went back to bed with my coffee,started reading and stayed reading until gone 10 am,didn't realise it had got that late.Quite funny really the book is about nurses in a Liverpool hospital just after the war but I found myself reading it with a Liverpool accent in my head.I cant even do a liverpool accent out loud,never really noticed myself reading in accents before.And I don't think their Matron was far off the one I had in the 70,s when it came too fearsome.:rofl:
currently making soup. sweet potato,pepper,onion,and tomato.Its called lobbit soup,as in if its not rotten lobbing in the pan.Tomorrow I guess I will have to drag myself out and drive into town for supplies,I seem to be between provisions in the garden,a few half hearted beans is about it,courgettes are hardly formed and likely to rot rather than ripen,they like me are lacking sunshine.
Its my eldests birthday today so they have gone up too the Drakensberg mountains for the weekend.She sent me a lovely photo of an infinity pool,said wish you were here because you're the only one who would be mad enough to go in it.Apparently its cold.Last time I went out there in their winter I took fleeces as instructed,never wore one the coldest it got was 24 degrees.I think she has forgotten what cold is. :rofl:
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on August 05, 2017, 03:12:51 PM
Hi Karena,
It is very hard, when everyone has got someone to go home to and go out and do things with.
I feel like life for me now, is like having an out of body experience, where I am just looking in on life and what everyone is doing.
In the beginning, most people are sympathetic, then it gradually wears off, as they really don't want to know about how you are feeling. I am finding this now, more and more, friends and relatives that would phone me every week, don't bother anymore and I don't phone them now, as they are obviously don't want to be bothered.
Things just get worse I think, I don't know if I told you, but when it came to arranging Janice's funeral, I had a major fall out with my Daughter, the problem with her is, she likes to be in control, she likes being the centre of attention, so she is telling me about all the people that she wants there, well, quite a few of them, Janice had no time for whatsoever, so I ruled those out straight away, then there were family members, a couple of sister in laws, that Janice never got on with and a lot of family members , who never bother to ring or visit to see how she was when she was here, so I thought, well you didn't worry about her when she was alive, so I consider it will be an insult them being there.
Anyway, my Daughter did not like this, so I said " Ok Sharon, you have your PITY PARTY, and everyone can say poor Sharon, I said if that's the case, then, its going to be hard, but I won't go, I know, that as a Spiritualist, her spirit has left her body, so the funeral, is just her she'll, I said I will have my own private time with her. Well, believe it or not, I didn't have one sympathy card from anyone in the family, Sharon got them all and was also sent flowers and got all the visits and phone calls. Well, eventually , Sharon said, ok then, it will just be the five of us, meaning, her, her husband, our son and his partner and me, but Amy came as well, so I said ok, that's fine, so there were six of us at Janice's funeral, not one of the family have contacted me since. What hurts now is, Sharon asked me for one of Janice's poems last week, so I was curious as to why now, she said , " Oh, when we come back from our holiday, we are meeting up with all the family, down at Bracklesham and I am going to read the poem out and we are going to let balloons off for Mum," so I have become an outcast now, so as I say, it hasn't got any better for me, it just gets worse, I wish she hadn't told me .

Things between us are not the sane now, still very tense. The youngest Daughter, we have not seen, for about nine years, she never came to see Janice in hospital, or never visited us, in that time and she never came to Janice's funeral. xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on August 05, 2017, 10:18:04 PM
 :hug: the funeral I went too a couple of weeks ago was like that.My friends had been together for 23 years.She has 3 children from a former marriage,he has 3 too.But he never divorced,so the ex wife and his daughters took over.Apart from trying to get their hands on his stuff the morning after he died they organised the funeral and not one moment of it was about him,it was all about them.They even put a photo of him with the ex on the order of service.My friends children had more affection for him than his own did,and there was them and six of us friends.The official wake didn't include any of us including his partner,we had a separate one elsewhere.
Families can be so difficult,and you soon find out who your fairweather friends are too.But you also know through that which ones are really your friends,and I discovered a couple of friends surprised me with their continuing support,including the lady above.Sadly because its friends from the bongo club distance is an issue so they're not the friends you can just pop out for a drink with.But also I made friends here,again not local but genuine people who understand grief but also have other things in common.
It must be really hard though when its your own children who you fall out with,but if you can then try not to let it simmer on,people grieve differently and perhaps that is what leads too this kind of thing happening.Perhaps she just needs to do this thing to help her own grief.What no one can do though is take away what you had,because only the two of you really understand your relationship,everyone else,even our children are observers and observers don't quite see the whole picture.
Also I think children don't see a family rift the way older generations do. Partly because we shield them from it but also when for example older generation siblings fall out ,it shouldn't mean that cousins have too,and also then the next generation don't know their family at all.They have to find out for themselves who is flaky ,make their own mistakes so to speak.


The feeling detached thing I also recognise,I set off for work one morning and as I walked down the street had the oddest feeling of being invisible even questioning whether it was me that had died and was floating around in another dimension looking into the old one.On later reflection in a way that's exactly what happens,because part of us has died.and we often are outside looking in.Even now sometimes I might be laughing but suddenly realise it isn't actually real laughter from the heart,.and question whether I really enjoy things as much as I used too.I think part of my soul went with him literally and I will never quite be the whole me again.That doesn't mean what's left here is unhappy overall,just not quite fully engaged with life.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on August 06, 2017, 05:50:56 PM
Hi Karena,
Thought today was going to be a really hard day to get through, as it's 8 months today, since Janice passed. Well, had a text from my Daughter, to say they had booked a table for the five of us, at a pub in Lingfield, for Sunday dinner.
It was a really nice afternoon, very nice meal, don't often see my son in law, but he also came, it really was nice.
The girls birthday cards for me, that they had made, with photos of them , when they were young, they also gave me a huge box, that I am not allowed to open until Wednesday, I said is it a million piece jigsaw.
But, as soon as I came back through the front door, it hit me, I thought I was going to be ok, but it's really brought me down again now, feel really guilty, that I have gone out on this day without her, when, it should have been us going out together, the first year, when Janice will not be here for my birthday. xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on August 06, 2017, 10:47:50 PM
There is no need for guilt,I imagine Janice would want nothing more than to see you spend the day with the family,I am absolutely certain without any doubt that she would rather you did that than  turned them down and spent the whole day upset and on your own.Imagine it was the other way round,would you want her to have that time with the girls rather than watch her suffering alone.

Coming back too an empty house is always difficult but so is staying in alone,catch 22 I suppose,but I think the first choice is better in the end.

On my first birthday without Keith I bought myself a present from him,of course I knew it wasn't from him but something he might have bought.The first one I bought a stone globe,he loved stones and gems,and this wasn't only a globe but seemed to have a map outline of Africa on it.I knew I would have to go back and was dreading the emotions around that,especially the idea of coming back into the same airport but knowing that this time there would be no reunion even though the last time it had been a brief hello before he died,I wasn't ever going to be granted that even that again.When I saw the globe it felt like a message to go and this time he would be free to come with me,something his physical body had prevented last time.The second year it was a tiny gold feather necklace.Again it felt like he wanted me to buy it,it kept appearing randomly on my fb newsfeed,then I went onto etsy,looking for something completely unrelated and it turned up there too.
Of course it didn't make up for him not being there on the day,nothing could ever do that,but that is the same whatever day it is,I suppose in a way it was affirming the love he had for me by continuing to buy something for myself with him in focus.Maybe Wednesday would be a good time to buy yourself that record player,even if you're not ready to use it just yet. :hug:
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on August 07, 2017, 11:51:51 AM
Hi Karena,
I found this, the other day, after trawling through hundreds of Angel pictures, I saw this and thought yes, that's the one, with the exception of the flowers that the Angel is holding, I want them to be Fuchias and will not have all the flowers and things round the outside, I just want a scroll with the words in xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on August 07, 2017, 07:22:02 PM
That is a beautiful angel woody.Would you like me to have a go at mocking it up for you to take to the tattooist.If so let me know what colour of fuschia  what words and rough size.Now the meetings over I have a breathing space I would love to fill with something like this.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on August 07, 2017, 07:52:49 PM
Hi Karena,
That would be fantastic, if you could do that please, I would really appreciate.
Fuchsias are a Red pink sort of colour, I will find a picture, they are sort of trumpet shape.
I would like the words in a scroll if possible, the words I would like are :-
   The Wind beneath my wings.
Size wise, it is going on my inner forearm, so length I would say approx 7-8 inches, and width at the widest point at the top, would be approx 4 inches, sorry I can never get to grips with Centimetres and millimetres. That would be really great, thank you very much Karena.
I will see if I can find a picture of Fuchsias. What am I saying, I would imagine you know what Fuchsias are, sorry, someone asked me the other week what Fuchsias were, sorry, wasn't thinking xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on August 07, 2017, 11:09:47 PM
Don't worry I know what they are.some are a deep red with purple centres,some are a salmon pink with a yellowish centre.The red ones are the ones you see more often .the others are a hybrid I think.I was wondering which colour you were thinking of. I,all do a few versions so you can chose,fonts etc.
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on August 08, 2017, 09:39:28 AM
Hi Karena,
Thank you, it's the red Fuchsias, that Janice likes.
Forgot to ask you yesterday, how did you Ad turn out, were you pleased with it, as it had given you a lot of stress. xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on August 08, 2017, 10:25:34 AM
It got accepted, so its a case of refining it now. It was quite funny really there is a guy there who has some sort of superiorty complex, he is nothing to do with marketing, but he went through the report i spent hours over, then asked for one statistic i hadnt done -because no-one had asked for it and i,m not a mind reader,

Then with the Ad asked if there was a problem with the colour.I had said at the beginning it was a concept copy and i had printed it on the main office printer which isnt callibrated too my computer, but one of the other programmers came in, saying perhaps he hadnt been listening when i said concept or perhaps he didnt understand what concept means.- nice to have someone on my side. :coffeetoast:

Last week, the obnoxious one -who really cant park and is the worst driver  (-he learnt to drive in pre Magabee Zimbabwe -where the test standards were  -erm a little different) - proceeded to tell me that if i had moved the bongo up, there would be more room for him -there was seriousley a lot of room for a tank and his car isnt that big, and  if i had moved up i would have blocked some-one else in,but this guy only sees his own situation and loves opportunities to knock me down  in front of others -i suspect he was brought up in a very hierachical household surounded by servants and doesnt like that i,m not cleaning up or washing up after him. (Perhaps he doesnt like my Mandella and chez T shirts  :rofl:)
What was nice was the web site guy took me on one side and thanked me for putting the work in,so there,s always good people to counteract the idiots.


red fuschias it is . xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on August 08, 2017, 11:43:08 AM
Hi Karena,
It is so frustrating, when you come across, these sarcastic little upstarts, afterwards, a thousand put downs come into your head, but never at the time you want them, I really detest people like that, they have no talent themselves, but are always the first to criticise people who have.

Probably one is :- " I have seen you on tv, it was called interference "

These idiots, just have no idea, the time and effort that you put into these things. Criticism is the easiest thing in the world to to do, but I always say, if you are not capable of doing it yourself, then never criticise people that can and never tread on people on the way up, as you never know when you might need them on the way down.
With him asking you to move your camper, say it might not be as flash as your COMPANY CAR, but at least I own it and it's paid for.

I bet he is a little man as well, the ones that criticise normally are, they have little man syndrome.xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on August 08, 2017, 09:35:12 PM
Not a company car but posher than my camper, I,m not impressed by posh though you can't spend nights in his car and you can't move house with it in fact its just boring..Don't let it bother me any more to be honest,water off a ducks back these days.
So your angel is coming along but might take a while to replace the roses as they stand up and fuschias hang down but looking OK so far.She has been photoshopped before though,someone had a go at her hair and left a line which I think I  sorted,but won't matter anyway,the tatooist is only copying the idea not printing it on your arm.Just me being pernickerty. :rofl:

I know you are dreading tomorrow and happy birthday isn't the right words so I will wish you a peaceful birthday and hope it is not as hard as you are anticipating.

Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on August 08, 2017, 09:53:08 PM
Hi Karena,
Thank you very much, I really do appreciate you taking the time to do this.
I wonder why it's been photoshopped before, just curious as to what they did with it.

My Daughter.and Granddaughters, jetted off to Spain this afternoon, so won't see them now for a couple of weeks, but I am pleased, that they have gone away, and hope that they have fun and enjoy themselves. Thank you very much for the birthday wishes, it will be hard tomorrow, but I have made up my mind, that I am going to have a walk around the town tomorrow, rather than sitting in, as I think that will make things a lot worse. I might go and have a cup of tea and an iced bun  :rofl:
Don't know what the weather doing tomorrow, supposed to have rained here today, but it didn't, still if it rains tomorrow, I don't mind, as I like going out in the rain, as you can only get wet once, I love the rain. Might even take the canera with me. Have attached a photo of Sharon and the girls as they had just boarded the plane . Thanks again Karena xx Don't know why pictures are up side down xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on August 09, 2017, 08:21:20 AM
Hope you have a pleasant birthday stroll and iced bun.   :hug:  xc
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on August 11, 2017, 12:04:37 PM
Hi Emz,
How are you, hope all is good with you.
I can't say I had the best of birthdays, but I managed to get through it.
The next day I am dreading, is the 21st August, our wedding anniversary, that is really going to be hard. xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Emz2014 on August 11, 2017, 04:47:07 PM
Im feeling a bit flat if I'm honest.  Been having some building works at home, my garage within my garden was falling apart and leaking so made plans to replace it.  Its been nerve wracking but had garage and the broken base removed a couple of weeks ago, and only yesterday the replacement concrete base was laid/finished.  With the new building I am getting the specification has been very clear, it has to match a specfic size.  Have been very clear with builder on the exact size (and very repetitive) insisting the base had to be 2.5m x 5m.  But, when the builder left today we just measured it to double check and it is 5cm wider than it should be.  And the company supplying the new building are very specific that it had to be 2.5m.   So feeling really flat and annoyed now.  Think that rules out my ability to replace the building now  :cray:

Hope your day has been ok xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: WOODY on August 11, 2017, 05:22:15 PM
Hi Emz,
I am really sorry to hear that. This is without a doubt, the builders problem, to put this right.
You gave him specific measurements, that are absolutely crucial, because of the size of the structure, that's going to go on it.
He will either have to get a large angle grinder cutter, with a blade able to cut through concrete and remove 5cm, from it, or he will have to break that base up and redo it, either way, it's his responsibility to do this.
I assume that you have not paid him for this yet, or if you have paid part, you want the work completed, as per the measurements given to him, before you pay the balance.

This causes a great deal of stress, when things like this go wrong , really not what you need at all.
Is there anyway, that you could get someone from the company, that's supplying the new garage, to come and have a look and see if there is a way round fitting it to that base, at the builders expense, obviously.
I really hope that you can get this resolved, there is no excuse for what he has done. xx
Title: Re: My Wife passed 7 months ago
Post by: Karena on August 11, 2017, 08:15:38 PM
I was also wondering if they are internal or external dimensions Space for the wall width 2.5 cm each side.But as woody says its down too the builder to put it right,but certainly might be worth giving the other lot a ring to explain the situation.
Seems to be a day for it my loo has develops a fault tonight which involves water flowing into cistern then straight into pan,So the cistern never fills..Have had to wedge the ballcock to stop it running.
And for tonights entertainment off to Google and learn all about toilets.Oh for the days when Friday nights were a few bevvys,disco and fish and chips.Of the three of those I had fish fingers for tea.Two to go then  :rofl:

Your angels are coming along woody.two versions so far,but can't do any more work on hem t until I can get on PC next week.