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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Intro to me
« Last post by Emz2014 on January 21, 2019, 10:18:06 PM »
Sending you a welcome hug  :hug:

Feelings of guilt seems quite common in grief, the what ifs and should haves.  Maybe its part of the normal steps of processing our loss. It is hard to accept but we arent to blame.  It helps to talk it through with people who understand xx
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Intro to me
« Last post by Trishy99 on January 21, 2019, 08:09:46 AM »
Good morning,

I lost my mum on New Yearís Day (her dadís birthday). She had been ill for a while with copd (canít give this illness the capitalisation as I hate it so much) however we did not expect her to pass so soon. We all thought she had 2-5 years still.
Her mental health had deteriorated as well and she had become a shadow of my former fiery mum. I was her carer but during the past two years this had become very difficult and there were chunks of time in which we were estranged. Other family issues that I wonít go into just now. The last 6 weeks of her life however we had been very close and I got time to tell her how much I loved her and that I just wanted her better. I now know that this was me in denial she was never going to get better 💔😢

I just miss her so much and feel guilty that I didnít just put the family stuff to one side. Someone told me not to feel guilt but to accept it as regrets that I was only working with what information I had at the time- I didnít know that she would be taken from me so soon.
Mum and I always were up and down with each other we were so much alike.
I feel like I donít know where I am right now- we havenít had the funeral yet this is happening on Thursday. And my life seems to be spiralling out of control.
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Hello
« Last post by Cathy2018 on January 20, 2019, 10:51:05 PM »
Vape I donít know what to say. Just keep looking for support
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Introduction
« Last post by Cathy2018 on January 20, 2019, 10:46:40 PM »
Hi Pete

So sorry for you. All I can suggest is that you just take your time to clear your wifeís belongings. It is heartbreaking.

Regards cathy
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Re different person
« Last post by Cathy2018 on January 20, 2019, 10:42:42 PM »
Hello changed

I feel the same. My husband died 5 months ago. I donít know who I am without him. And Iím a mess. Just joined this site yesterday in despair. Hopefully we can all get some comfort and support.

Take care

Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Introduction
« Last post by PetetheRef on January 20, 2019, 09:45:43 PM »
Thanks for the replies guys, just want the pain to ease & now have the horrible job of going thru her clothing & jewellery which is going to be a killer because to me she could make wearing a bin bag sexy & even when she wasn't at her best I would always tell her she was perfect because to me she was.

Some of the stuff I have bought her jewellery wise i'm going to keep, the costume style stuff I will let the charity shops have as most of it was bought from there anyway as she loved going in them so let them make someone else happy same with her bags & clothes.

Question I want to ask is her ornaments I don't particulay want them as not an ornament person now do I box them up & store them bear in mind I live in a 1 bedroomed flat or box them & pass onto the charity shops maybe keeping a couple for sentimental reasons?


Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Hello
« Last post by Emz2014 on January 20, 2019, 09:42:06 PM »
Sending you a welcome hug  :hug:

To go so suddenly from such a happy event to something so devastating must be such a shock. People around will desperately want to help make things better for you, but words are little comfort at the beginning, especially when some people who have not lost people before dont quite understand

Everyone here has lost loved ones and understand how it feels, although each of our journeys are also individual. There are many common aspects on the bereavement rollercoaster, sometimes it just helps to be able to write things down or find you're not alone on this journey xx
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Hello
« Last post by Vape man on January 20, 2019, 06:38:53 PM »
Hi I'm new to all this.
So I'm 36 years old, gone anonymous for personal reasons.

So I'm really struggling right now. I've tried councillor sessions but just doesn't seem like it's for me.
So my story.
Me and my partner had my first child and her 3rd in September, we was over the moon, the next day my partner collapsed and they ran some tests in the maternity ward and she needed a blood transfusion so they gave her that over the night and the following day she seemed right as rain, I went home to get a shower and change of clothes as we had been there for 3 days already, my mom, stepdad and her other 2 kids were with her to meet the baby and keep an eye on her etc. So I go back a few hours later, and she is uncomfortable so I ask a nurse to come and help get her settled, everything is fine, then came the shift swap, midwife we hadn't met yet she came in introduce herself etc, and as she walked out the room my partner crashed, within 30 seconds I was watching them drill holes in her shins using a defib on her, they took her to surgery and gave her 52 pints of blood, had 2 surgeons travel from different hospitals to come and try and help, the midwife who was very nice all the time we was there came to get me and said I should go and see her because she is very poorly, I went and was nearly sick. All the pipes and tubes everywere still haunts me, I went back to the room they gave us, and just sat there 6am came and the same midwife came back n said I need to go see her now, 15mins later they had to turn the machines off. She had slipped away and her body couldn't cope with the trauma.
I've lost my soul mate and had my heart ripped out, I've gained a daughter but llshe doesn't have a mommy anymore, I've never had to deal with the loss of someone close before, I don't know how grieving works, I can't talk to people face to face because I just don't like doing it.
Everything is just painful and I'm sick of people saying it will get easier because it's just what people say.
They took my girlfriend to Manchester for a coroner report as the hospital was I would just say a little dazed and dumbfounded about the reasoning she passed, the Dr tried to explain bless him but I could see his mouth moving but couldn't hear a word, the midwifes, nurses drs and surgeons were absolutely amazing and I have no doubt in my mind that they did everything they could and my partner's body just gave in she was a fighter and wouldn't of stopped fighting but I guess her organs couldn't cope. It took a good 6/7 weeks to actually get a reason of why she passed away, it was awful just sat there waitingnto find out why. We was allowed to have a funeral before we even got a full death certificate because it was taking so long. I really just needed to vent to someone that may have been in this situation or something similar, people just keep giving me the same thing all the time, and frankly it just gets annoying as I'm sure some of you will understand.

Anyway thank you for listening to me, and if anyone does reply thank you.
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Hello
« Last post by Cathy2018 on January 20, 2019, 04:32:05 PM »
Thank you Emz for your reply. The information you have given is very helpful. Iíll follow up these. And stay in contact with the people on this site. A roller coaster is exactly what it feels like.

Thank you

Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Introducing me
« Last post by Nik2502 on January 20, 2019, 03:43:14 PM »
Thanks Emz. I just learning to slow down and take my time! Itís only six weeks on Tuesday and thatís nothing. Everyoneís words of support are so helpful especially knowing Iím not alone xx
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