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Sending you a welcome hug  :hug:  you're with people who understand here xx
Thats great to hear :-)  :hearts:   its so often our imagination and fears that run away with us, the unknowns are hard - and somehow our imagination can be so much harsher than reality sometimes!

So pleased it went well  :hug: xx
General Discussion / Re: Is this normal?
« Last post by CarolineL on May 21, 2019, 06:27:18 PM »
Hi Lavern,
I lost my husband 11 months ago we had been married for 32 yrs, I am 58 yrs old and we had been the love of each others lives with plans for our retirement together which was snatched away in a couple of weeks due to cancer.
Looking back now the early days, weeks and months were terrible and you are not alone in your feelings. Guilt, anger, actual physical pain are all part of this grief and I think in the early days (for me at least) it did actually cause physical pain.
You have most likely heard this a million times from more qualified people than me but time does help and just how long that takes - I don't know it depends on each of as we are all differant. The pain will never leave me but it is not as intense as in the beginning and that keeps me going.
I started a journal the day after the cremation and wrote in it every day, every thought, every prayer and when I look back and read what was written at the beginning I see how far I have come and know that it will get easier, less intense.
You have managed so much already, sorting finances etc, that is a massive thing to do when your broken, you have been able to find us too.
Take care of yourself that's important :hearts:
Good luck and hope all goes well, I think you are being very brave and good for you x
Hi all,

Well my time with my sister in law in Oz was fantastic, did us all good so again don't know what I was worried about. A little bit emotional seeing Darren's family but that was to be expected and did us all good to be together.
My younger brother suffered a fatal Hart attack.
That Christmas mum passed away as well.
Leaving and myself and my dad to try and carry on.
I'm guessing looking after my dad after his health detiroated
Took my mind off thinking too much about the massive hole left by these life changing events. But he's now gone too. After suffering a Hart attack in his sleep whilst in hospital.
I'm now feeling the lowest I have ever felt.
I've never been so lonely.
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: New post - I lost my dad
« Last post by Helsbelles on May 21, 2019, 01:55:08 PM »
Thank you both xx

I've been for a really long walk today which helped.

I just feel completely lost. I think with not sleeping my emotions are even more heightened. I feel so tired but then feel as though I am putting off sleep because I know that those last minutes of Dad will come into mind and that's too much for me right now.

I have thought about the photo album and memory box but I am finding looking at photos too hard. I see his face and it is just a reminder that I won't be able to touch it again.

The week leading up to his death was perfect really, my son and o had taken him put for breakfast on the Monday then he'd cooked dinner for us on the Wednesday. My daughter saw him the morning of the day he died and they had a good chat.

 Dad called me at 1.50pm, he couldn't get me as I was in a meeting, but he was calling to tell me he was having a stroke and had called the ambulance. He called mum and told her, then mum called me and I made my way to the hospital. As I got close to the hospital I called his phone, I thought dad had answered it and said 'dad' to which a doctor replied to tell me, that no, he it wasn't dad, it was the doctor and my dad was very poorly. I arrived to be told he had had a massive bleed on the brain and they were keeping him comfortable as there was nothing else they could do. I was alone with my dad for 40 minutes where I was able to stroke his face, kiss him and tell him how much I love him. Everyone else arrived and within 2 hours he took his last breaths. Mum and I stayed with him until 11.30pm then I went and slept in his bed. I didn't sleep at all but found comfort in being in his bed, on his side, with his smell.

Thank you for your replies and I am sorry for all your losses too. I'm glad I've found this forum, it's nice to know I have somewhere to come to offload xx
oh, I agree with you about careless care. My housemate works in private and the stories he tells are not pleasant. Public health, though, seems ok to me (certainly there is room for improvement, but where is there not?). The reason this suits me better than corporate design jobs is that I had the why am I doing this for? feeling. I am making bracelets and belts and handbags whilst the world is going to hell. Now I feel like I do something more worthwhile, at least for a few people, whilst then it felt like all I did was help my bosses get richer.

ps - Badger, sorry for hijacking the thread!
Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: Coping with loneliness
« Last post by Karena on May 21, 2019, 12:43:25 PM »
I did an online course about art in medicine with future learn, (theyre free short courses) but again links things together that we dont always see as obvious, i think a lot of my gardening enthusiasm is based in design rather straight planstsman ship  (love watching chelsea and how they put the show gardens together)but my great love is permaculture design - taking a system that copies natures ecology and turning into something useful and attracative.My plant choice is usally based on first will it grow in my soil second is i useful either to wildlife or for human needs- consumption/madicinal 3 is it attractive, can it be planted in an attractive way within other plants in that section - if it doesnt meet three then i dont buy it and to be fair there isnt many that dont. :rofl:
I went the opposite way from medical/care jobs to this, my burn out was privatisation and working in a system of care that i felt didnt care, ( certainly not in the last two places i worked)  so the art in medicine course attracted me immediately.
You are correct about hairspray and charcoal.

Very cool how you got into graphic design. If only more workplaces recognised people's talents that way. Sometimes it feels like everything that's not strictly your job description is just ignored. Of course, that's not really true. After a childhood of drawing every day, I went to art school and worked in fashion accessories design but eventually got burned out and ended up in the medical field. After a very interesting set of supervision sessions with one of the psychiatrists, I suddenly picked up drawing again and have constantly been doing it again since. Proof you never know what lurks in your subconscious and when it may spring up again. Also, now that I am drawing all the time again, that includes at work, so some of our patients have actually asked me draw with them, even though I am not an art therapist. I've also done graphic-related work for our ward, so, like I said, you never know when your extraneous talents will be incorporated into your current work.

What I find great about drawing is the freedom it gives you. As an adult you realise how stifled your imagination becomes and art allows you to get in touch with that part of yourself again.
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