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Oh dear oooooooooopps  :embarrassed: not to worry I was probably right  :rofl:
You do know i work with some-one from the R country -who can tell me if that is from the R language -and more too the point what it says. :rofl:
вы бы хорошо выглядели, обернутые в пленку  Tovarishch!  :rofl: :smiley:
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: 10 days
« Last post by sallymk1 on Today at 12:36:33 PM »
Hi Claire
So sorry for your loss. I lost my partner of 10 years to cancer too. He died on New years eve last year so its still pretty raw for me too. I hope you have friends/family around to help as you will need them and take any help that is offered. You will be feeling numb at the moment and everything will come in waves. It does help to know that there are others who share your feelings and understand. It is very difficult to adjust after losing ones partner to an illness, one minute its hospital appointments, home visits, everyones there. You are trying to care for them, thats stressful, getting them to eat and making sure they have everything they need and are cared for. I feel for you but try to take each day as it comes, don't fight the emotions, they will win. Take each hour or even minute as it comes.
People on here understand your pain and it can be a comfort to know that even when your heart is broken.
Sending you peace of mind if I could. Please take care.  :coffeetoast:
ssssshhhh you two -stop typing the R word on here -or we will all be wrapped in clingfilm -which totally messes up my plastic free year target (and isnt my best look either.)
Hi -welcome  too the forum.
It isnt unusual to react to grief by filling your time with something, -in your case of course a new business is very time consuming anyway -I used education in the same way  - so probably regardless of the business you would have done the same with something else - it even has a name -displacement activity- but the time does come when we need to move on from that -and something unexpected triggers feelings that knock us down after we have carefull avoided the triggers we thought might.
Everyone is different and everyone has a different process to go through -but they usually involve shock,displacement,guilt, anger,depression,and acceptance at some stage -so those are things everyone here will recognise to some degree.
I dont think you owe it too your grandfather to grieve -you have already been doing that  -just not recognised it as such -the thing with grief is it doesnt fit into a box like other things do -you keep shoving it in a filing cabinet and it keeps jumping back out in different formatts.

Some people try and ignore anniversarys -pretend it isnt the date, get busy again try and do the normal things  there isnt a right or wrong -i didnt know what to do with the first anniversary of my husbands death -i had no idea how i would feel or what i would want to do - so i booked the day off work and then left it to the day too decide - still going to work and pretending it wasnt the date was still a possability at that point but no-one would question it if i didnt turn up. On his birthday the previous october i had planted wild daffodils in his memory in a little woodland nearby and so in the end thats what i did -went for a walk down to look at his daffodils -and added a native sapling. I do something different every year -but it confirmed that the way forward for me was too affirm the date -and do something positive in memory of him and love of the natural world was something which we shared. For others it might be visiting a grave and taking flowers  - i dont have one -but whatever it is for you is what matters not what others might chose.
Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: Very low
« Last post by Karena on Today at 11:46:23 AM »
 :hug:You write so well Kate i wonder whether writing is a solution for you -i know its something you do alone -but if you cant express yourself too other people verbally then maybe writing is the way forward.I wrote a lot of poems in the early days -i would see or hear something on the way to work and have a poem in my head byt the time i got here -and often that was nature -a crushed snowdrop -ignored invisible but still just about standing -a curlews lonely cry as he circled round and round and looked for his mate-they reflected my life and my emotions but nature helped me express them -it gave me an opening line so to speak.

When people ask how we are, some really dont want to know the answer -but others do -and by saying fine or changing the subject because we dont want to be a burden maybe we are misreading them.Fair enough with the new baby thing maybe it wasnt the right time and place, and yet the fact that the man who is celebrating and in a good place in his life now actually asked sugests he really does care -and your brother by affirming your grief isnt rejecting it -maybe he too cannot talk about it to you because he is frightened it will upset you -and himself.
In a way by reaching out too us people can be offering us a gift -it isnt wrapped in pretty paper with a label on so we dont recognise it as such but we are rejecting that gift which is quite a hurtful thing to do when you think about it. I tend to think we have more in common with other people than we think ourselves and because we only really know ourselves it is a good starting point to read others so when you turn the whole thing on its head - If it was someone else you knew who was in your shoes would you think they are a burden -that they might embarass you and go against the social nicetys - or would you genuinley want to listen too them and help them.

Not practical yet here in the UK anyway -but actually letting the wind blow you, then lying on the ground staring at the sky -there is nothing wrong with that - i spent a long time doing just that, and although right now you are thinking of nature as something that doesnt offer solace because it reminds you of how much your dad loved it -you also need time and space to suround yourself by it.Otherwise you would have said you wanted to stay in bed and stare at the ceiling (which is also ok). :hug: 
Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Very low
« Last post by Kate3027 on Today at 09:38:24 AM »

I have spent much of this morning wondering what depression feels like, and whether I have it.

At the moment I feel totally irrelevant. I do nothing, I have nothing to offer, I am not interesting, I have nothing to say. I am like a broken record playing over and over again that my dad died.

Yesterday we went to see some friends who have just had a baby and the new dad asked me how I am. It was the first time weíd seen them since my dad died and he offered me his condolences. He is the first person to have asked how I am, I mean really ask, for a long time. I was touched, and then emotional and realised it just wasnít the right setting. All of us sat in a very small room, my kids asking questions about the baby. The visit wasnít about me and my grief, it was about a new little baby. So I did what I always do, instead of answering the question about how I am, I answered the question about how the kids are, about how my eldest is still working through the concept of death, the things she comes out with, the ways in which she is understanding it. I took myself out of the equation so that I wouldnít get upset and show myself up. I think people think, itís been 6 months, by now you should be used to it, perhaps a little numb. I am not numb. I am still raw. I still play the last days over in my mind, I can watch it all like a film. A photograph can reduce me to tears.

Last night I had a dream that I was going by friends I used to have in school and none of them had the time to listen or to help. I felt utterly alone. Sadly my waking life is much the same. I donít have many friends, especially not since I have been living  abroad for nearly 7 years and it is hard to make new friends as an expat. People back home at the time said, call whenever, but you canít, can you? They work, you canít call up any time and offload all of this onto somebody not ready for it. It doesnít work like that, itís too much. So itís just me, feeling alone and now Iím shying away from family. My brother and sister in law both wrote me messages this weekend. I told my brother Iíd been having dreams about my dad and wasnít in a very good place, but he just acknowledged what Iíd said and that was the end of the conversation (WhatsApp). My sister in law wrote to ask me how I am the next day. I still havenít replied, I donít know why. My mum sent me a message this morning saying hi, I havenít replied to that either. Why not? Whatís wrong with me? Iím almost afraid of myself. I feel like I talk myself out of thinking Iím down to the point where somebody asks me and my guard goes up and I say Iím fine. Iím not fine, not today at least. At the weekend I had my guard down when that new father asked me how I was. I had my guard down at a point where I wasnít socially supposed to.

The season changing upsets me. It reminds me that the world keeps moving, time keeps ticking away. I go for a walk to clear my head and I only end up more upset. The power of nature upsets me, the wind blowing in my face, the buds growing on branches, the daylight lasting longer, the sunshine getting stronger. My dad loved nature and being out in it makes me feel I should closed my eyes and let the wind blow me over and stay there where I fall, for a time, until I am strong enough to get up again.

I wish I werenít so alone. I need a friend, I feel I need some fairy godmother to come and say, I know youíre not strong right now, let me take care of you and remind you of who you are. We get stronger, we grow, we move with it.

But I canít do it alone.

Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: New to this site
« Last post by Emz2014 on Today at 07:36:34 AM »
I found the second year seemed to bring its own challenges. And there were times when things felt like they were getting worse rather than better. It truly is a rollercoaster  :hearts:

I found I was unable to open up to people around me after a while, and it was so helpful to be able to come here and say what I was feeling, especially when I felt confused/conflicted, they were able to understand how I felt. Hopefully you can find the same here

One thing I found which really helped me was to try and notice good things around me every day - I try and write down 3 things a day. Even if it is just I had a nice coffee, or noticed something pretty in nature. It has helped me be more present in the current day (a form of mindfulness I guess)  some days is easy to do, some days can be harder but the more I do it the better I seem to be at bouncing back from any setbacks xx
Hi all,

My grandfather passed away on the 27th of March 2017. He was my best friend and he practically raised me; we spoke every single day, and Iím 23 years old so thatís an awful lot of conversations.

When he passed, I was just a couple of months into running my own business, so for my own mental health I was unable to take any sort of time to process my grief. I took the lead in organising the funeral, yet took no time off work and Iím yet to really process anything.

This evening I watched ďLoganĒ, and Patrick Stewartís story was incredibly jarring for me. Iíve been in tears since watching it, thinking about my grandfather and how I owe it to him to deal with my grief. Itís been almost exactly a year since his death, and Iíve spent the past 12 months feeling incredibly lonely.

I suppose Iím here mostly to ask how people tend to cope with this anniversary coming up, and whether anybody else has dealt with delayed grief like this. Any advice? Iím feeling rather lost.
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