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It isnt selfish that you are thinking like that,it is very natural to worry how you will cope especially on your own.
Grief for different people does differ, it doesnt mean we loved one more than the other - i have been widowed twice and the second time was different to the first, perhaps its becomes an accumulation.I think not only the pain but sometimes the pain killers are behind the way they respond.The first time,he said some really dreadful things on occasions, but it was a combination of pain killers and fear, eventually you overcome those memorys, you dont forget them but you bring forward in your mind the person they were before the illness and focus on those instead, knowing that they were not themselves at the time, also sometimes i think they are fearful for us,and try to distance themselves from us as a result.
All you can do is take one day,one hour at a time, and i know it sounds like a cliche but it really is the case. We will be here for you and although we are stangers on an onternet forum Emz is right,you are not alone. :hug:
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Its an understandable fear - losing your partner is so personal.  And its only natural to also think about yourself aswell in this circumstance. Sending you a big hug, you are not alone here  :hearts: xx
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Heartbroken
« Last post by Louise53 on April 22, 2019, 06:11:14 PM »
Hello Shazza
My husband died just 8 weeks ago - we had only been together for 12 years and we had found true happiness with each other, after many lonely years. All I can say is that we are not alone in our heartbreak. I send you hugs and love.
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Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / How will I cope with this?
« Last post by Dibsy on April 22, 2019, 04:05:16 PM »
I heard over the weekend that my long term partner has probably only about two weeks left. The Doctors have been quite truthful; they detailed the many health problems facing my partner which I was glad they told me about as I really needed to know. His illness has come on very quickly and he is in a lot of pain which they are trying to control. Seeing my partner in hospital today, because of his illness, he no longer recognises me.  It is really awful seeing him in such a state, I spend hours talking to him and his personality has changed so much, I know he doesn't mean it when he says 'get off' if I hold his hand, I think this is because of the pain. I have had a very difficult life and then we found each other, he is such a lovely man and we had many plans for the future, we both felt we had found someone special. I know at this time I shouldn't be thinking about myself but I keep thinking that having found someone so lovely, they are now being snatched away from me. I was OK while speaking with the Doctor but then he asked me 'who is looking after you'? That destroyed me because I have no one and it brought home to me he won't be around. The closeness, loving, caring for someone and friendship will all be gone, snatched away. I looked after my Father and then my Mother before they died a few years ago but I don't know how to deal with this. I can't understand how it seems so much worse now. 
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Heartbroken
« Last post by CarolineL on April 22, 2019, 01:25:36 PM »
Sorry that you have had to find this site Shazz, it has been a comfort to me to know I am not alone in the way I feel hope you find that it is for you too  :hearts:
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Heartbroken
« Last post by Shazza18 on April 20, 2019, 08:51:41 PM »
It's very hard, I can't believe that she has gone, I miss her so much
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Heartbroken
« Last post by Emz2014 on April 20, 2019, 08:12:50 PM »
 Sending you a welcome hug  :hug:  it really is so painful at the beginning, you're not alone here, many of our members have lost partners.  Try and be gentle with yourself right now xx
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Heartbroken
« Last post by Shazza18 on April 20, 2019, 06:20:04 PM »
Hi my partner died 6 weeks ago and I'm struggling to cope without her, I can't believe it and that she's not coming back, we had some good times over the 10 years, I can't cope without her, the pain is so unbearable without her
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Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: Anxiety
« Last post by WhiteLillies on April 16, 2019, 09:58:07 PM »
I agree, I google map in advance. It's being prepared so it's one less thing to think about on the day. Thank you for the mint suggestion, I'll get some to keep handy in the car!  :hearts: xxx
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Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: Anxiety
« Last post by Emz2014 on April 16, 2019, 09:49:24 PM »
I dont think its overthinking karena, its all good coping mechanisms  :hug:

If I'm travelling anywhere I've not been before I will look it up on google streetview - if for a drive I can check points along the journey so I will recognise turnings/landmarks. I do the same if travelling by train and need to work out walking somewhere.  All ways we can build some confidence to manage the anxiety

Oh, and polos work wonders too - the sugar and mint help calm any panic  :hearts: xx
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