Author Topic: Hello Im new to this forum  (Read 190 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline CarolineL

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 37
  • Karma: +4/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Be kind to yourself
Hello Im new to this forum
« on: February 18, 2019, 04:36:22 PM »
Hi, I am new to the forum and have read some very sad and some very comforting messages over the last few weeks. I suppose I started because I was looking for answers looking for something to take away the pain. After 8 months of being with out the love of my life I'm beginning to see there are no answers but there are people who understand because they are, or have, gone through the same thing. The pain will always be with me I'm beginning to realise that, now I need to learn how to live with it.

Offline Emz2014

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1633
  • Karma: +109/-0
Re: Hello Im new to this forum
« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2019, 08:52:41 PM »
Welcome Caroline  :hearts:
Its natural to try and find something to take away the pain.  It is hard to hear at the beginning of the journey but the pain will ease in time. We will not get over grief but the intensity of pain will ease and change.  It can be a surprise but its often a longer journey than we expect - perhaps it's society which has given the impression grief is finished after the funeral. Only those who have lost people really understand.

Be gentle with yourself, as long as you're taking baby steps forward (even if there are a few steps backwards or pauses) you're doing ok on this grief rollercoaster.  And here on the forum you're not alone xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline CarolineL

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 37
  • Karma: +4/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Be kind to yourself
Re: Hello Im new to this forum
« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2019, 04:55:54 PM »
Thank you for your kind words, its good  to hear from someone who knows for them selves x At first I thought 'give me a year' but now am realising that this will be with me forever. It is a roller coaster ride for sure but I count myself fortunate to have good family and friends. Strange though I still feel lonely as my husband and I did everything together and now he's not here it hurts. I am so pleased I have found this forum, its good to talk.

Offline Monster Bear

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 5
  • Karma: +2/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • Mad widower with nine awesome kids
Re: Hello Im new to this forum
« Reply #3 on: February 22, 2019, 11:51:31 PM »
Hiya, although Iíve already responded on the welcome forum I thought Iíd reply here too.
We have both lost our loved one after 32 years, itís a long time to be together and now suddenly weíre alone. Iím struggling with the loneliness in spite of being surrounded by people. Itís also hard because we think no one really understands us which I think is true as each of us is unique and had a unique relationship with our partner. But we must not give up and must strive to have a full life and I know my girl would want me to continue, laugh and enjoy life whilst supporting and encouraging our family.

One day at a time is my new mantra, all I can offer is the advice to embrace all the love and joy youíve had over the last 32 years and to look at the future as a new challenge to succeed with your loved one being proud of you. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring but I know my beautiful girl is waiting for me when I finally pass to be with her. 😘
Mad Dad of nine 🤪

Offline CarolineL

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 37
  • Karma: +4/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Be kind to yourself
Re: Hello Im new to this forum
« Reply #4 on: February 28, 2019, 04:52:01 PM »
Hi Monster Bear,
I ask him every day 'how am I doing pet' and some days not so good as others but I count myself lucky to have had a love some people never find. Just like you, just miss him so much, after all those years of being together it is difficult to start a new life you didn't ask for. Though like yourself I just take one day at a time and try not to plan to far ahead. I'm lucky to having loving friends and family there when needed, hope you have too.

Offline Karena

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1633
  • Karma: +117/-0
Re: Hello Im new to this forum
« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2019, 11:36:30 AM »
 :hug:
I am much further along this road than you - but i also still talk to my husband -less now about pain or grief and more about everyday stuff - where did i put that, how do i do this,what do i say to this person, -what do you think  - and keep him up to date on everything  - i miss his physical presence of course , but in a lot of other ways he still is and always will be with me.

Offline CarolineL

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 37
  • Karma: +4/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Be kind to yourself
Re: Hello Im new to this forum
« Reply #6 on: March 05, 2019, 04:04:33 PM »
Yes I agree, I do feel my husband around, tell myself Im not crazy as there is no real sign just a feeling. You cant love someone for such a long time and just cut it short because they are no longer with us, that love goes on. Or maybe I am a little bit crazy  :hug:

Offline Pam19

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 17
  • Karma: +3/-0
Re: Hello Im new to this forum
« Reply #7 on: March 05, 2019, 04:46:28 PM »
Hi all..itís good to hear from you Karena and Emz that this pain will ease...gives me hope ...Iím only 4 months in and the future seems pretty scary at the moment
Love and hugs to you all  :hearts:  xx

Offline CarolineL

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 37
  • Karma: +4/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Be kind to yourself
Re: Hello Im new to this forum
« Reply #8 on: March 06, 2019, 03:29:20 PM »
Hi Pam,
4 months is such a short time, bless you, in the beginning people told me to give myself a year but the closer to that first year I get I have noticed that you cant put a time on your grief, its so different for everyone. I think that mine will always be with me and now its just about learning to live with it. We have survived what we though we couldn't, but just surviving isn't enough, we also have to live with it. Some days are better than others and chatting on here certainly helps. You take care and there is always someone on this forum that will listen. Love n hugs

Offline Pam19

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 17
  • Karma: +3/-0
Re: Hello Im new to this forum
« Reply #9 on: March 06, 2019, 04:14:40 PM »
Thanks Caroline L
From the posts Iíve read on here and also the face book group, it looks like the grief never goes away, but, as you said,you have to live with it and I agree, itís so different for everyone....Iím so glad I joined this forum, and the fb group as it really does bring comfort knowing you have a safe place to express how youíre feeling, that what youíre feeling is normal and that there are so many other people going through the same thing xxx

Offline Sandra61

  • Global Moderator
  • Sr. Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 175
  • Karma: +29/-0
Re: Hello Im new to this forum
« Reply #10 on: March 07, 2019, 10:39:18 AM »
Yes, Pam. If nothing else, it helps you feel you are not alone and reassures you that what you are feeling is normal. There is no time limit or right way to cope with loss, is there? At least here, we can all share our ideas and feelings and feel some support is there. Hugs to all! :hug: