Author Topic: New year. New thread.  (Read 6532 times)

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Offline Hubby

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New year. New thread.
« on: January 07, 2017, 11:59:54 PM »
Well it's a week into the new year, nine months and two weeks since I lost my wife and what a rollercoaster journey I am on. I still can't believe the difference in emotions from one moment to the next. I can have days being down or even whole days being fairly normal but never know what I am going to get sometimes from one minute to the next.

Yesterday was a 'normal' day. Work was fine, I functioned pretty well and no tears except a small cry at bedtime.

Today I woke up feeling terrible and had a full on sob first thing. Then I had a great day out with my daughters and grandson. We had breakfast at a Wetherspoons, went to see the dreamworks lanterns display in St Georges Hall in Liverpool, did a bit if shopping then had Maccy D's for dinner. I was very tired afterwards so I slobbed out on the sofa.

I wonder what tomorrow will serve up?

Offline Norma

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #1 on: January 08, 2017, 10:41:15 AM »
Taking each day as it comes  Hubby is all we can do, a bit like the Forrest Gump film, 'Life is like a box of chocolates, don't know what you going to get till you open it '
Sorry if that sounds a bit glib  i dont mean it to, it just sprang to mind with your comment, '' never know what you're going to get sometimes from one minute to the next''
 In time the good days do outweigh the bad ones, but its over two years for me and i still get days where my emotions are all over the place, i hope tomorrow Serves you up a good day xx
 :hug:
Its been a rough week but i made it. How about you 💐

Offline Brian71

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2017, 12:18:12 PM »
I had one of those mornings myself today,  one of the most depressing I've had for a long time,  I got up quite early about 7.30, did a few jobs like changing bed sheets, and then did my meds in the weekly med pots while playing music in the background and when I had finished that I just started staring at her picture and of course your mind works overtime and that's enough to start me off....not normally this bad though..

I've been trying to move forwards,  but this morning was not good,  hopefully it's a temporary lapse,   I've got to try and pull myself together.

I sincerely hope your day is better.
« Last Edit: January 09, 2017, 07:28:11 PM by Brian71 »

Offline Norma

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #3 on: January 08, 2017, 12:32:24 PM »
But dont you think sometimes we try too hard to move forward, its a natural thing to want to do because we hate feeling the way we do, and crave to feel better, but unfortunately our hearts dictate to us how long we will tread the grief journey, i just think we have to think of a bad day as a glitch, we will recover, because nothing can be worse than the day we lost our loved ones xx

 :hug:
Its been a rough week but i made it. How about you 💐

Offline Brian71

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #4 on: January 08, 2017, 02:33:55 PM »
You are probably right Norma,   not allowing myself enough time,  but at the same time I know I need to socialise and build up a circle of new friendships and am doing exactly that.
One things for sure it's certainly better than eating out alone,  but I accept that occasionally there will be days like this to remind me that I'm not out of the woods just yet.

It's true what they say...grief is the price we pay for love,  the greater the love,  the greater the grief.
« Last Edit: January 09, 2017, 07:32:49 PM by Brian71 »

Offline Karena

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #5 on: January 08, 2017, 06:33:03 PM »
I think you're right Norma,we do try too hard even see a bad day as some sort of failure when in reality it is no such thing.For me this is acceptance,accepting that grief will come along and knock us back with no warning and at unexpeced times and places.Five years for me and still have knock backs crying bouts and longer periods of depression,and feeling helpless and alone,but I accept that as normal part of who I am now at this stage of my life.But it isn't all of me,where even 3 years ago it pretty much was.

Offline mike59

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2017, 07:53:32 PM »
Hello Everyone , hope you are feeling better soon Brian, I have been there for most of this year I Lost my Gail 10 months ago, I am not looking forwards to the 28th of febuary because that is the 1 year Day for me, I will have to keep Busy or somthing I am sure my Children will help me through also I need to be there for them, I havent written on the forum for a while I have Deep Depression with other Health issues I hope everyone is feeling well or as well as can be .

                                                                                                                          Mike x    :hug:

Offline Emz2014

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #7 on: January 08, 2017, 09:38:50 PM »
Norma and Karena make some very wise comments  :hearts: .  Another one of those sayings which can often sound/feel annoying is that time is a healer.  It helps to increase good days and coping days between the bad.  We always carry our loved ones with us. Time moves gradually and our coping may seem quite miniscule sometimes but after a while you can see the easier days. Baby steps forward. Keeping a journal helps, as we can see how we are coping better when we look back over our writings   :hug:

I woke from a dream early hours of this morn, i was crying in my dream as I had lost my dad, but then in the dream i walked to the spare bedroom and found flipflops (?) on the floor, dressing gown on the bed and a shirt on the side and I suddenly felt really happy knowing he was coming back.  Woke up after that feeling down.   These catch us now and again, but give it a little time and the easier times will return again

Sending a hug to everyone xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Hubby

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #8 on: January 08, 2017, 10:29:47 PM »
I have come to realise that this is not something we 'get over' or even 'learn to live with'. Rather it is something we live around. The easy days may become more frequent but the grief is always there waiting for a little reminder to let it back to the front of our minds. I've got better at pushing it back but the recent holiday has shown me that the sadness can be as raw as it has ever been.

I have never been good at remembering dreams. I know I do have them but hardly ever remember what they were about. This morning I dreamt about Margaret  I don't remember the details but I woke up sobbing and with the feeling that I should have held her in my arms and not just held her hand when she passed away. I was too upset to go to Margarets grave with my daughter.

I picked up a bit as the day went on but I also had some sad news. A friends mother has passed away. She was more like a mum to me than my own mum when I was young. She used to foster children and her house was always full of kids. I spent more time there than at home. At her husbands funeral one if the younger children told me that he used to think I was his brother. She was truly a special lady.

My grandson, daughter and fiancÚ came round for tea and that was a lot of fun. Ollie is developing quite a little personality and watching his antics really cheered me up. margaret would have been so pleased with him.

So it's been a bit of a mixed day but I coped pretty well.

I wish you all good days.

Offline Hubby

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #9 on: January 09, 2017, 10:28:39 PM »
Just a quick note tonight.

The day was good. A bit low when I woke but it went off quickly and I had a really good day in work. I made a chicken casserole for tea which turned out great and moved some stuff around as the gas board are coming tomorrow to replace my central heating.

Everything great until half nine tonight when I burst into tears for no apparent reason. It only lasted fifteen minutes or so but I feel drained.

Offline Karena

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #10 on: January 10, 2017, 06:32:19 PM »
 :hug: glad you had a good day,you seem to be becoming a domestic goddess.The later tears are understandable as is being drained its an exhausting process and we become weary of trying to get out from under the dark clouds .Its like they'd always just over your shoulder and sometimes they catch up.

Offline Hubby

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #11 on: January 10, 2017, 11:33:25 PM »
I don't know about domestic goddess. My house looks like it should be featured on hoarders

Another pretty good day today. Very busy in work and plodding along at home. I still think about Margaret all the time I'm not busy, driving is the worst, but Im not on the edge of tears all the time.

There will probably be a downturn but I'm ticking along pretty well at present and managing to keep the dark cloud from overtaking me.

Offline Brian71

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #12 on: January 10, 2017, 11:43:50 PM »
Thats good to hear Hubby...keep it up,  last few days have been good for me too,  though I think we have to accept there will be the odd day that's not so good.    I've been keeping myself busy by writing an app for the latest Sky Now box so that's kept my mind occupied for a while.

Offline Hubby

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #13 on: January 10, 2017, 11:54:56 PM »
Pleased to hear you have also had a decent few days Brian.

Offline Karena

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #14 on: January 11, 2017, 01:37:27 PM »
my house also should be on hoarders and in trying to sort it, it gets worse,the contents of the kitchen drawers are currently in piles on the floor as are the contents of my bedroom -all because i moved a chest of drawers upstairs,but strangely the contents on the floor seem to be greater than the capcity they came from. On top of that after last nights hoolie,the garden has the same designer bonfire look.

Does anyone here have OCD i think me and hubby need help. :coffeetoast: