Author Topic: Lost my husband unexpectedly  (Read 1423 times)

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Offline Cairo

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Lost my husband unexpectedly
« on: March 18, 2016, 03:32:31 PM »
Just over three weeks ago. He was in hospital but was expected to recover when he developed complications. The consultant wanted to transfer him to a specialist unit but they had no beds, so .i had to watch him in pain and not improving fir 10 days. Suddenly they decided to do an emergency operation but he never regained consciousness. I was with him in Intensive Care when he passed away but I doubt if he knew. I never got a chance to say goodbye and have so many questions about what happened. Even the doctors seemed shocked.
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I will survive.
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Offline Dave Administrator

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Re: Lost my husband unexpectedly
« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2016, 06:32:09 PM »
Hello Cairo and welcome to BUK.

What a sad post to read, it must have been so difficult for you to write, my heart truly goes out to you.

How long were you together and did you have any children? The shock and the suddenness must be very hard for you to come to terms with and it's such early days your mind must be all over the place and taking you through it all again every day.

I can promise you though hard for you to believe at the moment Cairo, it does ease and with baby steps plus not pushing to have the brave face on for others, peace will return back in your life again.

Please keep posting don't try to go it alone and we will be here for you for as long as it takes.
Take care and please keep posting however small or large you can manage, we need them.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Lost my husband unexpectedly
« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2016, 06:49:36 PM »
Sending a welcome hug from me too
Dave is right, it will take time but you need to be gentle with yourself.  Its a rollercoaster journey, but it does get easier to cope in time.  Keep talking with us xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Cairo

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Re: Lost my husband unexpectedly
« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2016, 08:21:45 PM »
Thank you so much. I've had to deal with a few hardships in my life so I know I'll get through this eventually.

I'm getting a lot of practical support from friends and family but I'm not someone who finds it easy to share my thoughts with those around me, and my thoughts are in turmoil at present. I think I'll find it easier to write on this forum to people I don't know. Is that strange? I feel I should open up to my family but I've always been the strong one who comes with things and I know a lot of what I'm thinking would just upset them so I don't see the point.

To make matters worse I have an elderly dog who hasn't been at all well today. I'm going to take her to the vet tomorrow but I'm worried sick about her.
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Offline Emz2014

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Re: Lost my husband unexpectedly
« Reply #4 on: March 18, 2016, 10:22:04 PM »
 It does make sense, I found it easier to talk/open up here too

Hope your dog is ok, such a concern when they are not well xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Rosaleen

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Re: Lost my husband unexpectedly
« Reply #5 on: March 19, 2016, 10:48:12 AM »
Hello Cairo
 :hearts:
You asked is it strange writing to people you don't know, but the sad truth is we do know each other because we are ALL  going through similar situations. We can be and we are totally honest about what's happening to us on this grief journey. We can cry vent and unload at any time.

Offline Dave Administrator

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Re: Lost my husband unexpectedly
« Reply #6 on: March 19, 2016, 12:21:04 PM »
Hello Cairo
 :hearts:
You asked is it strange writing to people you don't know, but the sad truth is we do know each other because we are ALL  going through similar situations. We can be and we are totally honest about what's happening to us on this grief journey. We can cry vent and unload at any time.

How many times I have heard this Rosaleen and so true how easy it is to pour your heart out to a stranger, knowing they understand and your not trying to spare their feelings like you would probably do to someone who also loved and is hurting for your lost loved one.
Take care and please keep posting however small or large you can manage, we need them.

Offline Cairo

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Re: Lost my husband unexpectedly
« Reply #7 on: March 19, 2016, 03:10:06 PM »
Yes that makes sense. I don't want to make it harder for those around me.

My poor dog is very sick. She has an enlarged heart and the vet is worried about her lungs as well. He gave me some medicine and I have to speak to him again on Tuesday but I think I have to brace myself for losing her as well. She is almost 11 and has had an underlying illness for several years so I'm pleased she has been with me so long.

I'm just praying she doesn't suffer. I don't think I could bear that at the moment.
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Offline Emz2014

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Re: Lost my husband unexpectedly
« Reply #8 on: March 19, 2016, 04:37:24 PM »
 :hearts: sending a hug for you and your dog.  What's his or her name? I have a lurcher called Raz, but in the past had a Springer spaniel, alsatian and a 'heinz' (all at the same time) xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Lost my husband unexpectedly
« Reply #9 on: March 19, 2016, 06:56:57 PM »
Hi Cairo.
I also have an elderly dog.he is a staffie lab cross.he was very much my husbands dog so when he died we shared the grief,he would go to the door and howl and I just wanted to go howl with him.we also had to re establish the pack order,in truth he is in charge just likes to let me think I am.I also dread the day I lose him,I travel and leave him at home where he is really well looked after by a friend who moves in with him,but every time I leave I dread it might be the last time.my consolation will be perhaps he will be re united with my husband.
It is five years since I lost my husband,,I still miss him every day but in reply to your question,only the people here know just how much and how much I am still affected by his loss.

Offline Cairo

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Re: Lost my husband unexpectedly
« Reply #10 on: March 19, 2016, 08:24:34 PM »
My dog is called Afaia and she is a black Lab. I also gave her daughter, Bonnie, who is a golden Lab. I can't imagine how Bonnie will be when she loses her mother as well as having lost her master.

I've started giving Afaia her medication but she has a funny cough, which the vet says is her heart, and she is worse this evening than yesterday so I'm very worried. It's going to be so hard to bear without my husband here to comfort me and to share the sorrow.
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I will survive.
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Offline Emz2014

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Re: Lost my husband unexpectedly
« Reply #11 on: March 19, 2016, 08:28:37 PM »
We're here for you.   :hug:
Sending best wishes, hope the medication works/helps xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx