Author Topic: Two losses in three days  (Read 179 times)

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Offline kaykay

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Two losses in three days
« on: March 03, 2018, 09:21:45 PM »
I'm not really sure how to begin this post, I've never posted on any forum before for anything.

I guess I'll just write it as it is: a month ago, I lost my Grandpa and boyfriend with a day in between. My Grandpa on the 4th of February and my boyfriend on the 6th.

I find myself in a weird limbo of feeling like it isn't happening to me, I described it to a friend saying it's like in a movie when people see their worst nightmare or what it would have been like if they hadn't been born or something, but then it all goes back to normal once they've seen it. I'm waiting for my life to go back to normal and I know it won't but it's as though my brain is refusing to acknowledge that. I'm still checking my phone, waiting for my boyfriend to call or message.

We were together for just over two years, but had been involved for three and a half years in total. I really believed we were going to grow old together. He was 25 and I'm 20.

Both were incredibly sudden, with no on-going illness that gave us around them time to somewhat prepare. We all thought my Grandpa had the genetics to live well into his 90s, both his parents did so.

I miss my boyfriend so achingly. I find myself yearning just to lie next to him, to smell his hair.

Everybody keeps saying I have my whole life ahead of me, and I know that, but that doesn't make this any easier. I want my life to be with him.

Online Emz2014

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Re: Two losses in three days
« Reply #1 on: March 04, 2018, 08:03:31 AM »
Sending you a welcome hug  :hug: 

Unfortunately people who haven't lost anyone before will often say stuff that doesnt feel helpful, when they havent lost someone close they cant quite understand. They mean well but doesnt always bring comfort. 

At the beginning there is alot of numbness, confusion or shock, and often feels unreal.  It's a rollercoaster journey, with many emotions, which doesnt end neatly after the funeral (you may find some people think all is ok again after the funeral).  Be gentle with yourself, it can help to increase your self care through this journey, try to eat well, try to keep seeing friends where you can but also allow yourself some time to rest too. Keep talking, it really does help our minds to process all our emotions and thoughts.  Everyone here understands the grief journey - everyones journey is unique but we all have many similarities, you are not alone in this. Xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Two losses in three days
« Reply #2 on: March 04, 2018, 06:43:48 PM »
That must have been such a shock losing two people so close and in a way I think we remain in a state of shock for longer than most people think.The story we tell ourselves that they will walk through the door or send a message even when w know they won't is something most of us will recognise.It helps us just get from one hour too the next.perhaps one way our brains try to help us cope is by giving us that information many times but allowing us to imagine it away until we are strong enough to no longer need to do that.No matter what age you are there is never a time when anyone can just walk away from grief so of course your life lies ahead of you but it is on pause for now and that's fine too but as Emz says people around us who haven't been through this often do say things that are the opposite of what the reality is.They only mean to try and help though.
Keep coming here keep talking (writing) I think just being able to do that helps.

Offline Whyme

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Re: Two losses in three days
« Reply #3 on: March 06, 2018, 10:18:43 AM »
So sorry for your double loss in such a short time and Karina has taken the words right out of my mouth. Those who have not lost a special loved one couldn't begin to understand your loss but to be at your side they must feel your pain and how useless they feel cause they can't help. And you say only 2 years with your boyfriend but that doesn't mean you don't hurt as bad. You'd found love and gave love and it was snatched away when you thought it would be forever. And no matter if no one understands or says something that is really stupid, Do you really hear or care when you feel so numb with a fog wrapped round you.
Even though you know they have gone you haven't come to terms with Never coming back  and that's how the mind and body cope with such a shock by switching off reality and puts you in like a bubble where it's safe till it's time to come out but that is when You are ready, not when someone tells you to pull yourself together and life's for living etc etc. And for once in your Life you can Be selfish as it Is All about you. Nothing else Matters. One day at a time no matter how long it takes. There are no limits and no rules. You may not be able to control the situation but no one should try to control how you feel either. God bless x