Author Topic: Hi. I知 new today too  (Read 442 times)

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Offline Alisons

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Hi. I知 new today too
« on: April 16, 2018, 08:08:20 PM »
Hi all
I lost my husband suddenly 6 months ago. Im finding it tough at the moment particularly when I am on my own. I have a lovely family and grandchildren but still find it hard. Hope to get some help here.
« Last Edit: April 16, 2018, 08:13:06 PM by Alisons »

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Hi. I知 new today too
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2018, 08:48:49 PM »
Sending a welcome hug  :hug:  hope you find the forum supportive xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Hi. I知 new today too
« Reply #2 on: April 17, 2018, 11:50:54 AM »
Hi Alison. :hug:
6 months is not a long time so please be gentle with yourself grief is a roller coaster ride and a long journey. I found when i was on my own i longed for company and when it had company i wanted to be on my own -its difficult to find a balance but you will.

It has been seven years for me and i am doing much better -learning to be alone and at least content with your own company rather than being lonely does take a long time -and still when i leave work on a friday i,m not rushing out of the door knowing that the  weekend will be spent in all liklihood without speaking to another person (except whatsapp calls with my daughters/grandkids.)

My solution was to make friday night treat night -bath with candles, bit of chocolate -whatever a treat is for you -and that did take the sting out a bit -Its really silly because of the nature of my job when i,m at work i can also go all day barely speaking but i guess its knowing there are other people around that makes a diffference.
Despite that still occuring feeling of dread, i am usually fine once i get home -When the weather allows gardening can completely absorb me -and you are never really alone when there is wildlife around (yes i am that rather dotty old lady that talks too the birds) but i realise that isnt the solution for everyone, other people will find new interests,perhaps new social groups but it does all take time.

Coming here knowing that everyone understands because all of us are at some stage of our grieveing, having some-where to write what you cannot find the words to say out loud to some-one,and even just somewhere to have that daily chat -"how was your day", "Is this a good idea" "what do you think of"   is in itself is something we miss so much  although written rather than spoken and answers not instant, it does help.
When i first came here i wondered why a bereavement forum could have a laughing emojie -yet it gets used a lot because laughter is important too and something else we miss, even though it seems there is little to laugh about.

Offline Alisons

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Re: Hi. I知 new today too
« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2018, 09:03:08 PM »
Thank you for you kind words. I致e had another so so day today. I left work early as I keep wanting to cry. Actually what I really want to do is scream.  I so miss Robert ☹️

Offline Tony07

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Re: Hi. I知 new today too
« Reply #4 on: April 17, 2018, 09:20:06 PM »
Big hugs to you, :hug: does it get better? that's the question really, personally I think we deal with it better day by day, just put one foot in front of the other and keep plodding on.
amor vincit omnia

Offline Karena

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Re: Hi. I知 new today too
« Reply #5 on: April 18, 2018, 01:40:20 PM »
I think build a fence round the big gaping hole thats been left in our lives -maybe even cover it with rambling roses -but it remains  underneath them and we emerge as different people.Hurt people, but also people who have learned to cope,who have gradually gained back some confidence, perhaps learned new skills or maybe devoted themselves to different causes.

Offline Tony07

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Re: Hi. I知 new today too
« Reply #6 on: April 18, 2018, 02:14:58 PM »
Life is certainly different that's for sure, my perspective on life has changed since my wife died nearly 6 years ago, its a case of  sink or swim really, I decided to get on with what life I have left and give it my best shot. It wasn't easy but what choice do we have? I am fortunate enough to have met another lovely lady who is a very caring and understanding person I think Carolyn would have approved in fact I am sure she has something to do with it as she could see I was lost and needed somebody to take care of me. Carolyn always told me I was high maintenance bless her. :whistle: 
amor vincit omnia

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Hi. I知 new today too
« Reply #7 on: April 18, 2018, 04:23:01 PM »
 :hearts: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Alisons

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Re: Hi. I知 new today too
« Reply #8 on: April 18, 2018, 06:50:42 PM »
I致e had a better day today. Probably because I was looking after my lovely grandchildren and didn稚 have a lot of time to think. Shattered now 😊

Offline lynn2

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Re: Hi. I知 new today too
« Reply #9 on: April 19, 2018, 01:05:33 PM »
I lost my partner eight weeks ago today.  Although he had been ill for a few months and we knew it was terminal he still died suddenly and unexpectedly, so much sooner than we'd thought.  It is harder now than in the earlier weeks.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Hi. I知 new today too
« Reply #10 on: April 19, 2018, 10:41:55 PM »
Sending you a welcome hug Lynn  :hug:  its a slow rollercoaster journey, hope you find the forum a source of support xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Richenda

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Re: Hi. I知 new today too
« Reply #11 on: April 27, 2018, 08:32:09 AM »
Hi  I am new today  and hope to get some support  from the people in this group  after the sudden death of my Husband David

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Hi. I知 new today too
« Reply #12 on: April 27, 2018, 08:19:20 PM »
Sending you a welcome hug Richenda  :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline normajane

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Re: Hi. I知 new today too
« Reply #13 on: April 27, 2018, 09:31:43 PM »
A supporting wave to Richenda, Lynn2 and Alisons.  My husband died in January and even with family support I have found it difficult to cope.  I agree grandchildren help as you have no time to think of anything but them.  The paperwork kept me busy for a month or so but now that I am coming to the end of that I am trying to think of other things to do so that I can work towards living instead of just existing and passing the time.  I am wondering about U3A if I can get the brain cells to work. 

Offline Richenda

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Re: Hi. I知 new today too
« Reply #14 on: May 02, 2018, 10:01:49 AM »
We were together for 27 years  my Husbands Aunt visited us from Australia she had been doing s tour of parts of Europe  we had a wonderful week with her  and that Sunday Morning we took her back to the Airport to begin her Journey  back to her Home in Adelaide  I went to the Airport as a wife and came back a Widow  he died on the Floor  of the Airport Car Park  suddenly and without warning  the shock of it I just cant get over
that was just 2 years ago  Im trying  to get on with life but some days I feel so upset and depressed   I  dont live close to my family  so cant see them very often   yes I do do a lot of things which I am involved in groups clubs etc but like many more who have suffered loss of a loved one its the nights and weekends  that are the worst