Author Topic: Bank holidays are hard  (Read 130 times)

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Offline Alisons

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Bank holidays are hard
« on: May 07, 2018, 12:02:17 PM »
I donít know about any one else but I do find bank holidays hard. I had a friend round on Friday evening. I had things to do on Saturday and spent yesterday with my family which was lovely. I am now sitting in the garden on my own wishing my husband was here. I feel so lonely without him even when I am with others a lot of the time. I miss him so much 😢

Offline Lost675

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Re: Bank holidays are hard
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2018, 10:49:30 PM »
Hi, yes I've struggled too this weekend. Everyone was excited about it being a bank holiday, I just kept thinking its another nice thing we don't get to do together. I cried all day on and off yesterday, things seems so much worse when it's a lovely day, that awful desperate feeling of missing him weighed very heavy this weekend. I thought I was doing OK and then wham, it engulfed me like a giant wave. Feeling a bit better today but think it's because the bank holiday is over. How bad is that!

Offline Alisons

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Re: Bank holidays are hard
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2018, 06:51:10 AM »
Itís so good to know that sadly others are feeling the same to top matters off my electrics started playing up when I went to bed and I had to get my son in law to come over to help. There were more tears!

Offline Karena

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Re: Bank holidays are hard
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2018, 12:27:13 PM »
 :hug: I remember feeling exactly the same - stay in and you feel miserable and alone, go out and the same if not worse, because everyones, happy familly is right there in your face  I live in a tourist area so really in my face -then the evenings the sounds and smells of everyones BBQ to which you didnt get invited, which hurts, but again,in my case, in truth I probably wouldnt have gone too if i had been.The hurt wasnt in not being invited but in them having one at all Life going on as normal for others while yours has crashed into pieces, is something some things including bank holidays become hammers smashing us even more.

The only comfort i can offer is that it bothers me much less now - After the first few, -rather than think of getting through it in negative terms -i earmarked things to do during it, got everything in i needed to do it -plus food etc so i didnt have to go out at all, then got on with it.garden or indoor DiY depending on the weather , -so I was too tired to care about anything social by evening.But then gradually, satisfaction at completing something became enough, rather than feeling i was misssing out on everyone elses happiness.
Winter ones are still bad -winter is bad full stop for me,but this last one i can even say i actually enjoyed.I did get a picnic with the grandkids -which of course is always a massive bonus -and by the river where we floated daffodils afte my husbands funeral - so i did think about him and wonder whether he would be sitting somewhere around, happy to watch them playing in the water too as he would have in this life,but it wasnt a sad or tearful thing, more comfoting thn anything else, and i enjoyed the time alone too just being in the garden with the birds. It takes time like everything else on this journey, they will never be the same, but heywill get better.

Offline normajane

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Re: Bank holidays are hard
« Reply #4 on: May 08, 2018, 02:20:31 PM »
I found it unexpectedly hard as well.  I am retired so I thought it would just be like other weeks, but it was seeing couples out in the garden centre, the supermarket, and all the little together moments that brought home to me that I would never have that again.  It did make me wonder whether I should plan to do something for the next Bank holiday at the end of the month, or whether that would make me feel worse doing it on my own.  I just miss him so much.  Tea and sympathy for everyone.

Offline Lost675

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Re: Bank holidays are hard
« Reply #5 on: May 13, 2018, 10:37:30 PM »
Still can't seem to get myself together still since the bank holiday. After 4 months I thought I'd got myself to a place where the desperate panicking moments had passed. However since the bank holiday things seem to have slid back to those feelings. I've cried this week like I did the first week I lost him and feel panicked at the thought of not having a future and growing old with him. I feel like I'm just existing and getting through each day is just a chore and am back to feeling lost again.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Bank holidays are hard
« Reply #6 on: May 14, 2018, 08:01:12 AM »
Its such a rollercoaster, just when we think we have got the hang of it it can often hit us again.   :hearts:  increase your TLC, be kind to yourself. It scares us so much when we try to predict the future, especially when already in a worried mind. Focus on a shorter timescale for a while, that helps me, try not to fill in the details of a years time, multiple years

Perhaps have a go at noticing the things you are achieving, you're achieving so much already - look for even the tinniest victories. Sometimes we forget all the things we've managed, you have done so well getting to 4 months, be gentle to yourself. Difficult days/times can drain us of our energy and when we're tired/exhausted everything is so much harder.  It takes time and is a gradual journey of lots of little steps forward but in time each day won't feel like a chore xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Bank holidays are hard
« Reply #7 on: May 14, 2018, 11:28:19 AM »
I can only repeat what Emz has said. Sometimes just existing is enough. Eventually you will find life becomes more than that,just in the little moments, a bird singing, a flower, a child smiling,some-one saying something funny,or treating yourself to something.Look for a moment in each day, collect those moments and cherish them and they will happen more often and start to see you through the days when things roll backwards again.

Offline Lost675

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Re: Bank holidays are hard
« Reply #8 on: May 14, 2018, 01:57:14 PM »
Thank you both Emz and Karena for your reassurance. I think it's really scaring me because I though it was always going to be a progression thing, each day getting a little easier to bear. I never expected to go backwards. I hate sounding like such a misery!

Offline Karena

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Re: Bank holidays are hard
« Reply #9 on: May 15, 2018, 11:55:46 AM »
 :hug: the whole point of this site is that you can be a "misery" because people around us often dont understand that this is a rollercoaster journey.I used to think it was me, i questioned my sanity, how come i,m not coping with this, how come i,m not making that day by day progress what am i doing wrong, and being here made me see i wasnt but i could be true too what i was feeling here. I,m OK now wasnt the standard answer or the lie  you had to give here like you often feel you need too with those around you. Four months is still a short time,and you will find triggers that send you reeling back down, sometimes we expect them birthdays, anniversaries etc other times they come from no-where and hit you sideways,and getting back up isnt easy so you need all the props you can get and this site is one of those props.

Offline Lost675

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Re: Bank holidays are hard
« Reply #10 on: May 16, 2018, 12:28:46 PM »
Thanks Karena, questioning my sanity is exactly where I'm at so your reassurance puts things back in perspective so thank you so much. I do hear myself saying I'm OK when I'm not, I think life moves on quicker for others so for them it's been a longer time. I have tried saying I'm not doing great today but it just makes people uncomfortable! It's good to have this forum to be able to say I'm not doing great today

Offline Karena

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Re: Bank holidays are hard
« Reply #11 on: May 16, 2018, 12:46:16 PM »
 :hug:We will be here for as long as you need us to be.